Relationship to Practice

One of the Special Forces teams that I worked with in Southern Afghanistan on our first rotation over there was infamous for their attention to detail on their rehearsals. They could down-right be a pain in the butt with how they set up their rehearsals and the resources that they needed for them. They were always asking for things to be brought in to help them construct where they were rehearsing for their targets and the missions that they were going to do.

You know, I look back at the time, and I remember - shamefully - that I would get kind of aggravated sometimes. I was the Ops Director that had to deal with their requests and get them the supplies they needed. Now that I'm older and I look back on it, and I reflect on it, one of the things that I'm struck by is that these guys understood at a time when it was absolutely critical that how you train is how you fight. How you practice is how you play.

They went to meticulous detail to create the objective the way it would look when they went onto the target. Even the SEALS had created a replica of the target compound that they were watching, down to where the street lights were and where the satellite dish for Direct TV was located on the house, when they took down Osama Bin Laden in Obadiah, Pakistan.                                   

What we've learned through science in the last few years is that how we practice really does determine how we perform. And we don't just run through the motions. We've got to really practice. We've got to train. We've got to prepare. We have to do the things necessary to enable us to be relevant. To enable us to lead when the sun's not shining, That's a skill, not an instinct, and it requires intense training and practice

I have to train now when I'm going to go give a speech. I have to train when I'm going to teach at Fort Bragg, or the Federal Law Enforcement, about how to make connections. If I'm going to get up in front of people, if I'm going to sit down with a Fortune 100 CEO and talk about how he needs to build trust in his team, I've got to train. I've got to be the most relevant guy in the room to even be of worth to them.

So, how do you train? It could be how you make an offer on the phone. It could be in how you talk to your employees about your company's visions. It could be how you talk to a donor about what you're trying to raise. It could be how you talk to your kids about how to be a better citizen. All of that takes practice.

It's time to rely less on instinct and more on skill.

All of us were raised with this notion where you'd see somebody who was a prodigy or, who had a lot money or, and they seemed to have it all together. And, what's the first thing we'd say? "Oh, look. They're gifted. They're talented."

There's study after study (like the Little Book of Talent, Peak, and the Gold Mine Effect) and all of the studies have completely refuted this myth on talent and being gifted. It does not exist. These people that do those great things that make you look at and go, "Oh man, I wish I could do that," they just have a different relationship with practice than you do. That's the difference - but you can build that relationship any time. You do not have to wait. You don't have to have started building it when you were a kid. You can do it right now. It's about building the habits though, and understanding how this all works.

Start by forgetting this whole notion of being gifted and talented. What I'm going to ask you to do instead is, be stupid in the sweet spot. Daniel Coil, in his book 'Little Book of Talent', says you've got to be willing to be stupid. In other words, you've got to be willing to feel the pain that comes with making mistakes. And, in this day and age, in the sea of selfies, people are hyper focused on this illusion of perfection. These people aren't willing to make mistakes, to feel that pain. Kids aren't willing to be stupid when they're learning a new skill like Wayne Gretzky, falling on the ice. Pro-athletes, though, they're willing to look stupid when they practice.

I'm asking the same of you. Are you willing to feel the emotional pain that it will take for you to learn to tell your story? To make a better offer? To communicate your vision? To restore trust? Are you willing to feel the emotional pain that goes with learning that new skill as your brain builds new neuro pathways to do it? It's the only way.

The other thing is the sweet spot. I want you to operate in the sweet spot when you're learning a new skill. Mind, body, spirit, craft, storytelling, active listening, right, whatever it is you're learning, I want you to be in that realm of struggle. I want you to reach, fall, reach again. It should feel uncomfortable. If it's comfortable, you're not doing quality, you're doing quantity. And those 10,000 hours that they talk about in the 'Tipping Point' don't mean shit, if all you're doing is walking on the treadmill and watching Oprah. That doesn't cut it. It has be a bit of a struggle and you've got to be outside your comfort zone. Then, and only then, those neurons start firing and they start building new connective pathways for you to learn these new skills.

It's important that you're willing to be stupid while you learn a skill, and embrace the emotional pain that goes with it. You have to operate outside, on the fringes, outside your comfort zone.

You've got to be comfortable being alone. You've got to be comfortable doing what you do on your own. You're going to be in the dark. What you do in the darkness, as Michael Phelps says, is determined out in the sunlight. The way you train in the darkness, is realized in the sunlight. But no one's going to tell you to do it. No one's going to give you credit for it. It's a grind of repetition and regiment every day. That's why this type of work is not for everybody. It's just for the people who are willing to walk the miles and do the work.

I go down to the river every day and do my Tribal 12. I do my rituals that make me better with my voice. That make me move better. That make me more connective. That get me out of my body and make me more intentional and more available, all those things.

You've got to build your own regimen and decide what those things are and develop a relationship to that practice. Do this for at least 45 days so that you truly build a habit of it. My promise to you is this - if you will do this, you will start to see a change in the three R's. You will become more relevant to the people around you. You will become more resonant to the people around you. You will become more relatable to the people around you.

For a Rooftop Leader, this is the ultimate metric of success, being the most relevant person in the room and it requires having a different relationship to practice.

Build a regiment. Figure out what the critical tasks are that are inherent to the tracks you're building. And then build a relationship to practice and a regiment that will help you do that. Be a part of this tribe. Be a part of this movement. And learn the skills that really get things done that no one else is willing to do.