The Relationship Multiplier that Maximizes Impact

Introduction & a quick review...

This is the third article in a series titled 'Growth, Achievement & Influence Across the Lifespan.' The first article outlined five 'core values' as a foundation for our actions: Accountability, Balance, Interdependence, Empowerment, and Leverage. Think of these as a 'compass' that guides us as we pursue our priorities, helping us make wise choices throughout our journey.

The second article described how our 'health' (Spiritual, Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, and Social) and 'wealth' (People, Goods, Services, and Money) determine our capacity to pursue those priorities. Think of these as the 'fuel' that powers our actions. We can only pursue our priorities as fast, and as far, as our fuel will take us.

This week's article adds another dimension to the personal achievement equation... relationships. In addition to our own fuel sources, we can access those of others if we can engage them in our pursuit of achievement. Under the right conditions, they will not only share their resources, but they will also work alongside us. So how can we make that happen? Read on...

The Relationship Multiplier Effect

Expanding Capacity

The most obvious way that others can help us pursue our priorities is by willingly sharing their resources. Beyond their own capacity, they can connect us to others who can provide the people, goods, services, and money we need to access in order to maximize our success. Our commitment to Interdependence opens the door to engaging others.

Boosting Performance

A second important way others can help is by sharing in the work we need done. Ideally, they are not simply a means of tapping into their networks... they are active partners with us in implementing the projects and strategic actions required to pursue our priorities. Our commitment to Empowerment maximizes the productive input that others can contribute to our endeavors.

Maximizing Impact

When we translate our commitment to the core values of Interdependence and Empowerment in action, we also activate the remaining core values. We increase our leverage by making smart choices from among a wider range of action options. By partnering with others, we create the context for shared accountability. And by working together with others we make it possible to manage the full range of our whole life priorities.

The Challenge of Acknowledging that We Are Not Alone!

In the words of the well-known African proverb (origin unknown), "If you want to go fast, go alone... if you want to go far, go together." This has been a recurring theme in many of my articles, and one that is fully supported by both research on collaboration effectiveness and my own experience.

And yet, despite the fact that most of us already know this, and have experienced the truth of it, we often decide to rely mainly on our own efforts. We sometimes do this even when others have offered assistance. Why is that?

What Prevents Us from Inviting Others to Support Our Efforts

At one level the answer is one that I've often heard from participants in my Maximizing Delegation Effectiveness workshop. When I ask them why they don't delegate to others more often, here are the most common reasons offered:

• By the time I explain everything and show others what to do, I could have done it myself.
• I'm usually disappointed in the results because I know I could have done better myself.
• When I ask others to do something, they resist, and I don't have time for motivating or hand holding.

When I ask the same people why, when someone delegates an assignment to them, they resist, their responses are enlightening. They end up listing the reasons why others might be resisting their delegation requests:

• I don't really understand why this is matters, so it's hard to know what priority it deserves.
• The expectations aren't really clear... I don't know the end result I'm being asked to deliver.
• I don't think I have the resources or authority I need to do my best.
• This feels like a 'delegate and run' request.
• Past experience tells me I don't really 'own' this... I expect to be micromanaged or even arbitrarily 'unassigned' at some point, but not told why.

All of these reasons are valid... others resist getting involved for the same reasons we do... lack of clarity and uncertain support. It's no wonder that people resist this kind of assignment.

These are the issues we need to address by taking steps to build collaborative muscle. These include taking the time to explain the context and importance of what we're trying to accomplish, and the specific contribution we're inviting others to make. Along with that we need to be clear about the resources and authority we are delegating as part of the assignment, and our willingness to support their efforts.

The Deeper Reason We Don't Engage Others

There's one more common barrier that blocks us from engaging others. We're not sure they care enough to get involved. If that's something that stops you from inviting others to support you, perhaps this example from my leadership training and coaching experience might be helpful.

One of the 'thought starter' exercises I use early on with workshop participants or individual clients is 'Who Cares About You?', and includes the following questions:

Who do you know who...

• believes in you more than you believe in yourself?
• regularly offers you encouragement and/or practical support?
• will help you be accountable for being and doing your best?
• has shown interest in your priorities and your efforts to pursue them?
• has invested their time, talent, or resources in you, now or in the past?
• you also admire for both their competence and their character?
• you would be delighted to have on your 'Whole Life Performance' team?

Typically, a person's answers to these questions reveals a potentially rich network of people who are likely to respond positively to being invited to engage more deeply than they already are. They know you, care about you, and would make themselves available to explore how they can help you.

The Secret to Building Resourceful Relationships

There are four characteristics of resourceful relationships. They are:

• Shared vision... a clear understanding of what you want to achieve, and why that matters
• Collective intelligence... an ongoing commitment to learn your way into the future together, and to make whatever changes become necessary
• Collaborative action... opportunities for active engagement in the iterative process of visioning, learning and, ultimately, taking strategic action together
• Mutual Accountability... a commitment to seeking and telling the truth together regarding all of the above, and its implications for both 'being' and 'doing'

But there's a catch...

Here's the thing about being committed to this kind of 'we' versus 'me' relationship... it's not a one-way street. When we reach out to others and invite them to become engaged in our pursuit of our priorities, we also signal our willingness to do the same for them. Mutual accountability invites mutual support. We lock arms with others in a mutual commitment to each other's growth and achievement. Our lives become increasingly about 'we' versus 'me.' There's no other way to sustain a high level of whole life performance.

What's up next?

Next week's article will focus on the process of self-directed learning, and its role in expanding our personal knowledge, skill, and unique capabilities. We'll also look at what we can do to 'pay forward' what we have learned.

There will also be a new tool for those registered on the a2a.life blog mailing list. Watch for it Friday or Monday. Click here to sign up.