Relationship Limbo? Help is here!
Linda Kroll
Founder @ Compassionate Communication Academy | Compassionate Mediation?, Compassionate Communication and Conflict Resolution, Relationship Healing, Continuing Education Credits - Training for Professionals
Welcome to the State of Limbo - how to get clear on what to do about your own relationship and/or how to help your clients who are stuck.
If you say that someone or something is "in limbo," you mean that they are in a situation where they seem to be caught between two stages and it is unclear what will happen next.
Limbo feels like that area in the travelogue in which you seem to run around in circles, or just stage a sit-down strike and don’t move at all.
It may be true that your vistas are limited and your opportunities for new experiences are narrowed.
You might be willing to sacrifice the ability to move forward for the security — no matter how fleeting or illusory — of holding onto the relationship, marriage, person and/or dream.
It’s your trip and you can plan it any way you want.
And when you visit or move into Limbo, you will be offered incessant advice from well-meaning friends and relatives:
And some days you will take a few steps forward, to be followed the next day by several steps back into stagnation, lethargy or the familiar territory of the State of Limbo.
WHY WE STAY IN LIMBO
Many people wonder why they can’t move on. There are several reasons:
HOW IT FEELS TO BE “IN LIMBO.”
Sometimes limbo does offer space to heal, grieve, plan, adjust.
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It is important for you to listen to your own inner voice to tell you what is right for you.
Don’t take action for the sake of pleasing anyone else or because of what other people think. ?It’s your life and your future and you are the one to determine what is in your best interest.
You will know when it is time to move on, and that will be when the pain of staying where you are is greater than the fear of taking whatever is the next step for you (asking your partner to leave, leaving seeing a mediator, filing for divorce, letting your lawyer do discovery, going back to school, getting a job, etc.)
From time to time, you may feel exasperated with yourself, and then you add “guilt” to the other feelings you are trying to manage: “I know I should do something more.” (You are “shoulding” on yourself.)
Give yourself permission to be wherever you are.
Know that you are on your path and you will move forward when you are ready, willing, and able.
Don’t compound the pain of a possible separation or divorce with the guilt of “shoulding” on yourself.
Allow yourself the time and space and peace you need to adjust before you move on to the next step, whatever that is.
LEAVING LIMBO
You will be ready to move when you are aware that staying hurts too much.
As Anais Nin so beautifully said, “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."
And then you might move into a different state of limbo, but at least you are moving.
To help you move forward with confidence, courage, and clarity, my book will help. Compassionate Mediation? for Relationships at a Crossroads: How to Add Passion to Your Marriage or Compassion to Your Divorce.
To get a FREE Chapter, please go to www.LindaKrollbook.com
I look forward to helping you (and/or) your clients navigate the future with courage, confidence and clarity.