Relationship Issues
When Ritesh reached out to us for relationship counselling, he mentioned some misunderstandings.?
Soon, what was revealed was a level of conflict that was affecting everyone in the family and was taking its toll on their young children.
Aakriti was convinced that Ritesh was going to hurt her and the children and leave them. She was having episodes which would build into a raging fight with him about his behaviour towards all of them and finally across a year, he moved out.
However, he didn’t want to. He was confused and scared that there was something that he was doing very wrong. Ritesh wanted to fix the problem and get back together as a family.
Meeting Aakriti, who was very open to getting help, revealed that she had suffered deep trauma as a child. Beaten, scolded, and severely criticized, Aakriti grew up with trust issues and very insecure attachments.
She believed that if she let her guard down, she would get treated poorly and be abandoned, which led her to have extreme reactions to mild or even moderate responses that didn’t seem favourable.
Situations like this end with it becoming the problem of just one person and inevitably the relationship fails.
Children who have experienced trauma in the form of violence, abuse, loss of loved ones or being affected by natural disasters can respond very differently to situations as adults.
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They will display low self-esteem, inability to communicate clearly, especially when they are upset, emotional dysregulation, fear of abandonment among other traits.
Others will be driven with beliefs like
- It is safer to not trust others
- You are a burden, so don’t ask for help and keep it all inside
- There is nothing that can be done, so just put up with it and move along
Therapy in the case of childhood trauma will have to be for the couple and will involve working with an experienced therapist who can help the patients’ specific source of trauma.
As Skooc , our best outcome has been when we have worked with both partners individually as well as a couple. As Aakriti works though her trauma, Ritesh remains her main source of support and safety.