No Relationship, No Influence

We hear plenty today about influencers, and it’s got a lot to do with the popularity in the click world.? Someone establishing such a profile that others want to check into to see if they are aligned.?

There is also the influential business person, politician or other, who has connections in keeping with their station. This may lead to the type of influence which is about manipulation--getting people to do what they don’t want to do.? It may require coercion or persuasion.? Maybe even threats.

But there is a third sense of influence that may, or may not, have something to do with status or role.

This type of influence is conveyed with subtlety and calm and is for mutual benefit.

This influence is the art of getting things done.? Moreover, it is the ability to engage and guide people in collaboration regardless of positional authority.

In her excellent book, The Art of Quiet Influence, Jocelyn Davis has trawled the classic philosophers--sages--to create a model for the development and application of influence.? Drawing contrasts with western philosophy and practice, the model is based on the work that she and colleagues created in the Forum organisation over the past five decades.

Davis leans heavily on the Chinese sage K’ung Fu-tzu who lived from 551-479BC--he is otherwise known in the West as Confucius.? Though he committed nothing to the written word his teachings were transmitted by his followers down the centuries, including:

“Look what happens when you are humane.? You win hearts.? You earn that.? You get things done.”

For people to follow a leader, they need to trust in the person and then in their message.? Davis says that trustworthiness in a leader--in all of us--is built on:

• competence--delivering the promised results;
• humility--admitting that we don’t know;
• co-operation--sharing of decision-making.

These are part and parcel of relationships; they build trust and trusted people are influential.

Then by what means is influence applied and delivered?

Davis’ book is based on the model developed in Forum which describes 3 stages of group development--membership, control and performance; matrixed with 3 core practices--inviting participation, sharing power and aiding progress.

These 3 Cores are each divided into 4 influence practices for a total of 12 chapters:

1. Be humane--demonstrating care for colleagues.
2. Applaud anguish--encouraging others to express objections and doubts.
3. Create delight--exuding appreciation and good cheer.
4. Practice patience--taking time to develop a shared outlook.
5. Walk with the devil--converting adversaries to allies by aligning interests.
6. Follow the leaders--backing those who take the lead.
7. Fight softly--finding ways to be effective in the face of aggressions.
8. Rule yourself--managing your own emotions and behaviour.
9. Establish mindfulness--doing the daily work with persistence and focus.
10. Tend the soil--attending to upstream factors more than downstream results.
11. Be present--staying engaged when things get heated.
12. Leave well--walking away when influence is no longer possible.

Each of these is ascribed to an eastern sage and each comes with a western pitfall.? While this is an interesting exercise in contrasts, I am much more drawn by the challenge for the leader under the daily pressure to inspire and activate--and I think that it provides a highly useable blueprint.

Over the past few decades there have been radical changes to the way we work, meaning that today successful leadership involves a whole lot more listening, interpreting and adjusting--through the full cycle of attracting, developing, rewarding and retaining those who we would want to help realise our future success.?

A command style rarely cuts the mustard, and if this has been our reliance, we would do well to understand the quiet influence model.

This is not a matter of treating or leading people how you would like to be treated or led.? It’s how they would like to be treated.

And it’s about the leader dispensing care freely and equally to everyone.

Clearly, all of this depends on the connections between people, rather than a strict chain of command.

If you don’t have a relationship, you won’t have influence.

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Next week: ?The Power in Following

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About the Author

Jeff Bell?is Principal of executive consultancy ResultsWise in Perth, WA.?To boost your leadership, ask Jeff about Band of Leaders Australia (BOLA) [email protected].auand hisconsulting, coaching and strategy facilitation, or his Advanced Leadership Course [email protected] Mobile 0439 988 662.?