Relationship dynamics.

Most of us think about relationship as romance. However relationships are all around us. How we interact, communicate and work with others is the foundation of our experience and it’s what creates dynamics of relationship. It’s a part of relationship development, relationship growth and relationship building. [ The word ‘dynamics” pertains to “the part of history of growth, change and development.”]

Dynamics of healthy relationship.

1.??????Uniqueness :-?Relationship is such a journey that it’s outcomes depend not only on specific qualities of each partner but also on the unique patterns that emerge when the partners’ qualities intersect. For example high level of mutual commitment lead to better wellness outcome. To the contrary, in relationships where one person has anxious attachment style & other has avoidant style, the anxious person is likely to have difficulties talking with the avoidant person about positive things. Because their thinking pattern don’t go in same way and somewhere they collide with each other. As a result core tendencies take?active part in communication.

2.??????Integration :- Motivation and opportunities for independence tend to facilitate cognitive, affective, motivational and behavioral merging between partners. People in close relationships, especially over times tend to become blended together, losing some sense of individuality as their union evolves. Researchers have shown, for example, when people become closer, they tend to think in more complementary terms of their partners.

3.??????Trajectory :- The long term trajectories of relationship dynamics are affected by each partner’s continually updated perceptions of the couple’s relationship-relevant interactions and experiences. While various models of relationship change are based on different factors. Relationships generally go through developmental stages, analogous to individual development.

4.??????Evaluation :- People generally evaluate their partners and relationships according to a set of negative and positive constructs which tend to be moderately inclined to negativity. We regularly evaluate world around us, other people, ourselves. Generally negativity and positivity are inversely related. Relationships can be more difficult is there are high levels of both positive and negative, creating ambivalence. Following Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love, for example, people may evaluate relationships based on passion, intimacy and commitment.?Another influential perspective holds that relationship quality is reflected by evaluation on six dimensions, i.e. commitment, love, trust, passion, intimacy and satisfaction. If couple can recognize the evaluation (whether conscious or unconscious), they can function better and satisfactorily.

5.??????Responsiveness :-?Responsive behaviors help to accelerate relationship qualities for self as well as partner. Mutual responsiveness is a key of strong bonding. Here partners support one another’s core values. Way of responsiveness is also an important factor. But if one of the partners is selfless and other one acts like tit-for-tat responding right away may be felt like dealing or transaction. In high mutuality, both partners feel safe and more positive. Though some attachment with behavior may affect relationship. Insecurity attached people may remain less responsive when their partners are upset. On the other hand insecurity attached people, when receive support from others, they tend to feel more insecure. Research shows that relationships with high level of support make people happier and healthier.

6.??????Resolution :- Manner of communication between partners determine relationship quality and stability. How couples address negative events during crucial time is important to build healthy relationships because negative events have greater impact than positive one on emotional health. How couples deal with conflict is specially important because how they interact matters most. Either it’s constructive or destructive manner or active or passive manner. Constructive and active approach to conflicts actually strengthen relationships by minimizing chance of break-up. [ research from Gottman & Levenson has revealed four behavioral patterns associated with relationship in trouble. “ Globally criticizing your partner’s personality, responding defensively to your partner’s criticism, conveying the belief that your partner is beneath you & refusing to engage with partner’s concerns.”]

7.??????Maintenance :- In committed relationships, how partners behave and exhibit cognitions create persistent relationships even if doing so involves self decepting biases. Maintenance needed for relationships over longer time period of time particularly. People are aware of their decisions they take to keep the relationship going, but a lot take place outside of awareness. When people make a commitment in relationship, they tend to see things differently and behave correspondingly including believing that their relationship is superior to others. Research shows that having an inflated sense of a partner’s positive attributes correlates with positive outcomes, as does interpreting their behaviors in a more generous light.

8.??????Predisposition :-?people generally bring certain basic qualities of personality and temperament to their relationships to influence their own and partner’s relationship well being. Even when they spend a long period of time in relation, those raw materials remain as strength and weakness of the relationship. For example, strength might include resilience, good self image or may be a secured attachment style. And weaknesses or liabilities may be greater neuroticism, difficulty handling rejections or avoiding tendency to cope with challenges of life.

9.??????Instrumentality :-?It includes needs and goals people bring into relationships. The dynamics between partners determines the extent to which they succeed to reach the goals or meet the needs. It’s quite obvious that goals like child rearing and the need of bonding. These are shared goals. There are some personal goals or individual goals also. But people in successful relationships generally take care of each other, offer help to one another and increase overall efficiency. Studies have shown that people in relationship endure pain better while looking at partner’s photo which correlates with brain’s activity associated with safety and security. Actually people try to find ways to make use of one another rather than using one another.

10.??Standards :-?in order to enjoy greater relationship well being, people generally bring certain standards to their relationship. There are several relationship models which look at the role of standards in satisfaction and dysfunction. Research shows that unrealistically high standards lead to low relationship quality. Similarly high standards make far better relationships when they increase motivation and support self improvement efforts. A good relationship brings out the best from both the partners.

11.??Diagnosticity :- Situations in relationships may vary when they try to evaluate partner’s goals and motives towards relationship and it depends on their affordability of evaluation. As people tend to assess self and others, environment, external influences, ups and downs in daily life, individuals in a relationship try to assess how the relationship is going and what might be right or wrong. Stressful situations bring out the need of thinking about quality of relationship and positive areas of identity crisis. A “strain test” happens when what is positive for one partner requires huge sacrifice from other. Like a job change, when a partner has to move and the other has to pull out the root. The bigger the sacrifice, the lower the level of connection the sacrificing partner has where they are going, the greater the increase in trust and commitment.

12.??Alternatives :- It’s a threat as well as a lifeline of a relationship. When attractive alternatives are present in relationships (including option for not being in relationship), threats quality and persistence. In cases like strained relationship, people start considering their alternatives. What could be different in relationship? Should we stay together? Would I be happy with someone else? Someone like colleagues or friends or ex? Should I stay alone to feel better? How we evaluate alternatives, varies with relationship quality. Highly committed people rate alternatives much lower than people in troubled situation. In such situation we generally downgrade lucrative alternatives to keep the relationship safe from identity and concentrate on current partner. Interesting development is that it may decrease the threat of being rejected by permitting alternatives and making them transparent to stabilize the relationship.

13.??Stress :- Over demanding is a major stressor. It results in worse outcome in relationship specially when the demand exceeds the coping ability of both the partners. Though stress is an acid test for relationships, major stressors like unemployment, money issues, legal issues, serious illness, fertility problem and tragedies like disasters can lead to relationship breakdown and failure. Couples using adaptive coping strategies face cruciality at tough times. Studies has shown that when personal resources are depleted, people tend to act like more defensive and retaliate when their buttons are pushed.

14.??Culture :- Relationships are embedded into social networks and a cultural surrounding including norms, practices and traditions. These factors shape the nature and trajectory of relationship. Time is ever changing and so as the social views that shape what people are looking for them and how to approach. Generally it varies with different locations and?socio economic structure. Partners have to cope with the external changes first and then to reconstruct their practices.

Hope this write up will reach someone who is desperately trying to improve the health of relationship. Above mentioned points are to he best of my studies and may differ for different person, situation, circumstances. If you find it useful, please follow me here or at Nirmalya Saha - Put life into focus or at Althought

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