Relationship comes with forgiveness

Erich Segal said “love means never having to say you’re sorry”. Nick Cave said “love is always having to say you’re sorry”. The truth is somewhere in between. And the answer to your question is “quite a bit”. Incredibly important. Everyone will make mistakes. If we can’t forgive and let go, we’re going to have a big load of hurts with us all the time.

Me: “I want to buy one pound of forgiveness.” Clerk: “So sorry. We are all out of forgiveness.” Are you very close to selling out? Are you thinking of moving on? Are you tired of the relationship? Forgiveness doesn’t come in any measurable quantity. You have as much as you want to give and it never run out. The real question is what do you want from this relationship and does the other person want the same thing? If you two want the same thing then you give as much as needed for the relationship to succeed. If you two have different goals or feelings then no amount of forgiveness is going to fix your relationship.

Forgiveness is truly powerful. But sometimes in love and relationships, we forgive the wrong people. Sometimes we’re tied closely to people who hurt us, and we think that we must forgive them to move forward, to save a relationship, to fix what has been torn apart, to give ourselves closure. Listen - forgiving someone doesn’t mean you allow them a free passage back into your heart. It doesn’t mean that you open the doors to your life and give them the key.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean you need to keep that person in your life. Yes, you can forgive someone for cheating. You can forgive someone for breaking your heart. You can forgive someone for abandoning you in a time of need, for walking away, for not putting you first, for letting you go. But that doesn’t mean you need to trust that person again. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you’re obligated to stay in a relationship with someone who has destroyed the foundation of everything you’ve built. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you keep a close friendship with the person who betrayed you.

Forgiveness means you accept what wrongs have been done to you, you let them go, and you begin again - with or without that person. You get to decide. Repeat that again - you get to decide, and you are not any less of a person for knowing when you need distance from people who have broken you. You are not spiteful, hateful, bad, or evil for taking time to heal. You are not wrong for forgiving and leaving that person in your past. So please do not think forgiveness means you must stay.

Please, remember your worth, and know that you deserve a love that doesn’t leave. Know that forgiving someone does not make you weak, but gives you strength. Strength enough to let go, to move on, and to grow. Do you know the etymology behind the word infidelity? It comes from the latin word infidelis, meaning lack of faith. So how much faith do you have in your partner about the relationship? The reason I say trust or faith is because the types of relationships people have are beyond sexual or emotional boundaries now. You can have a relationship purely for carnal purposes, or for spiritual ones.

The only thing that keeps that kind of a relationship sane, will be the your faith in your partner to keep your needs in mind, and their trust in you to do the same when the tables are turned. As long as that thread is not broken, you can forgive your partner for whatever (s)he has done. Forgiveness isn’t about the person who did the injury. It’s about healing yourself from the injury. The answer to the question is— total forgiveness is necessary to live in wholeness.

The question should be not that of forgiveness, but do you have the capacity to become whole when someone injuries you? It is true that if the person who injures you feels forgiven it allows them to heal easier too. We all make mistakes, and learning from our mistakes is part of why we are here. It is kind to do. It is right to do, but it is not about them. It’s about restoring yourself to wholeness. Apply all haste to restore your wholeness, and when you do you will breathe in this life experiencing all your relationships with facility and the immense wealth and depth of your humanity.

When you heal yourself fully from injuries or forgive you remove shackles and restrains from fully experiencing this life. You can then go about this life with passion and a feeling that you are truly alive, and connected in all your relationships. When you allow yourself to live in wholeness without carrying the weight of injuries you are no longer living in a box.

You are free to enjoy the experience that you have so much in common with every human being on this planet. That you are part of something divinely inspired, and connected to this life by the same thread that connects us all, and this feeling of connectedness is what makes us feel alive. Leave the judgement to God, or to someone who at the very least has the same pay grade. Relationship is the foundation of our happiness, and how we enjoy this experience we call life. Never limit yourself by refusing to heal. Cheers!