Relationship Coaching - a Quest for a Spirited Life

“We cannot have a better relationship with others than the one we have with ourselves” ~ Gregory Charles

(This is Gregory's chapter in the above book.)

I finally got to a point in my life where I could own the title, Aussie Relationship Guru without pretension, but as a simple fact.

As a kid surrounded by relatives in helping professions like nurses, a priest and a monk and as a Libra I was intrigued by the ways people related and sought to learn and understand them. I saw how some people were quite effective, others very dysfunctional and I needed to comprehend the differences.

This launched me on a life-long journey that has taken me around the world, into other cultures, belief systems and realities. Thirty five years ago I came upon the realization that we in fact create our realty, including the shape, tone and quality of our relationships, out of what we believe. Those beliefs arise from many places like family and social conditioning and past lives, and they in turn shape our experiences which then loop back to “prove” our beliefs. I saw that whatever we believe we will prove, and so if we do not like the outcomes, we need to own and change our beliefs!

Along the way I also came to see that we cannot have a better relationship with others than the one we have with ourselves, and so I focused in on how to grow, heal, transform and perfect our inner relationship with ourselves. This is an ongoing task for many years, no quick fixes here, as we do that more we then can open to deeper levels of ourselves for more healing and growth. As we engage that process life, and our experience of ourselves becomes easier, clearer, safer and more beautiful - filled not with fears and anxieties, insecurities and pain, but with more and more love, joy and pleasure in ourselves and in the evolving, new relationships that naturally manifest.

Most of what we are told about relationships is either incorrect or outdated, overly simplified and in denial of key components. For example we are taught to fear and avoid our fear. We are taught to fear and eradicate our physical and emotional pains, usually with legal or illegal drugs. What I got to learn, being a very intense person I had to find a way to actually heal and master my fear and pain, was that they are my Great Teachers. They pointed me to where I was wounded. They pushed me to go deeper. I realized that pain is simply intensity resisted or denied and that fear is not the issue - the problem is we learn to be afraid of our fear and so never deal with it directly.

Once we learn to stop fearing and running away from Fear and Pain everything changes. Instead we begin to trust our inner experience. We begin to value the lessons and messages we are given. We learn what we really need and as we provide it we also learn who we really, truly are, behind and beyond the masks we had to create to survive as we grew up.

Where to begin? Drill deeply into questions and issues like the question of: When the chips are down what is my real value? What about me can I depend on? What is my inner strength and safety net? 

One of mine is simple… based on many years of harsh challenges… “I never, never give up. No matter what. Period.” Therefore I know, in my bones, that if things get hard I will endure and master them because… ta, da… I never give up.

Over the years I have developed many of these bedrock qualities within myself that I value beyond price… values, principles, inner disciplines, lines drawn etc. that define the quality of my Be-ing, and the quality of my being in life.

It is always a good time to focus on what you have mastered that holds you in good stead, and what other qualities you are mastering and those you value to begin mastering. This is a worthy path that is truly a part of real spiritual growth and development of your Spirit itself, so you can live and lead a Spirited life!

My baseline definition of ‘spiritual’ is to live life WITH spirit, in a spirited, alive, present way, with enthusiasm and excitement, and continuing to develop more and more excellent values, qualities and principles.

We are often in a deep process of inner transformation, often revisiting old emotional issues to bring them to completion in order to further our trans-form-ation. With all the changes we have gone through in life, and still are, it is important to realize we are not merely changing. We are in fact transforming!

What does that mean? Think of a caterpillar becoming a butterfly, a tadpole becoming a frog. The FORM we take in life is becoming a new expression of us as we fully show up with all of that which we have learned, developed and mastered over the past years.

Parts of you may need to wither and die to allow new qualities etc. to be born.

You are in a very real sense also becoming your truer self, a more real and authentic expression of you without self-delusion, or illusions, or false self image and thus in becoming real you may see parts of you that you do not like but now finally can deal with and change forever. That is also a huge, powerful and valuable part of your transformation. Bravo. It is the journey to become You more fully - Who you want to be and How you want to be, and that means self-acceptance, ease and flow with you in your own skin; a worthy Spiritual journey. The old is dying and the new is being born.

“Before you fill the cup, first you must empty it.” Zen Buddhist saying.

The down-to-Earth value of all of this is that life Be-comes easier and more enjoyable. “Problems” are easier to solve. For example a client of mine, a successful New York entrepreneur of 43 was in what he believed was a life-long loving (though challenging) relationship until the day his partner announced she needed more space and left. He was shattered. Devastated. He was referred to me and told me he thought it would take a year of weekly sessions to heal his heart, if he could. With me it took 8 weeks for him to reach deep understanding of what it was all about, including the lessons and value of it all. He got to release the pain and blame and surfaced with a new, bigger reality and awareness of himself, his needs, wants and desires and could move on to create new more fulfilling relationships than he had imagined possible - and had not been until he went though his opening process.

Our relationship with ourselves goes further than that into the physical reality of our life, such as creating dis-eases. I got to see that physical dis-ease is literally pointing to emotional unease, and if we read the message we can take appropriate action, so in my healing seminars I teach people new ways to relate with their own body - i.e. another aspect of themselves, in order to create new and deep levels of ease. In the process people have simply “disappeared” all manner of illnesses including many cancers.

The tragedy of humanity to me is that we all learned that we were powerless victims: of circumstances, of germs, of the weather, the economy and many other situational factors and as powerless victims by definition we were unable to change them, so we had to go to ‘experts’ like doctors and priests to intercede for us. I learned that that too is just a belief and that we can learn to own that we are creators, and learn to make our own changes. From this life experience I created a mantra: 

“I choose to believe

That I create every moment of my life

With love and wisdom for myself

To get value.”

Just as we see dramatic changes in technologies and knowledge in the outer world, the equivalent leaps in consciousness with our inner word are now possible. Such models as psychiatry and psychology take a similar place as the T Model Ford - a marvel of their time now totally passe′. What is left is to ask yourself whether you are ready to learn these new approaches, these new techniques, to apply new beliefs and to see if you too can become a magician in your life, creating your dreams and ideals in all of your relationships. At age 66 I can now look back over my life and know I did, and that you can, as have thousands of people around the world who have learned to do so in my seminars. 

It can feel scary. It can feel risky. Learning to “own” our pain and fear, to face our suppressed ‘monsters’ is all counter-intuitive to nice, normal society which values no change, no surprises, comfort through inaction. I invite you, and challenge you, to become the biggest, best, most visionary man or woman you can be, to engage in a journey of discovery and wonderment at “what a piece of work is man(kind)”. You can transform your relationships with you, your family, work colleagues and the world in general if you are ready and willing to do so. That is how we become our potential. That is how we truly change the world. That is how we end inner and outer wars and strife. It is a worthy journey!

Peace and Love! - Gregory

Who is Gregory Charles ??

Over the past 35 years of world travel, study, research, exploration, and living his life to the full, he has astonished social and business leaders, academics, professionals, and others in a dozen countries with his wisdom and knowledge, simplicity, genius, clarity, humanity and availability. Gregory has met heads of State, been embraced by the Dalai Lama and had his hand kissed by a Pope.

Traveling, living and studying in many countries he has merged the best of the knowledge of the East and West - of traditional and alternate approaches - to everyday realities to have Life be all it can be.

Gregory’s wisdom has helped enhance tens of thousands of lives in all arenas - love and relationships, business, family, finances, sexuality, health and wellbeing - to increase quality of life and spiritual meaning, direction and purpose.

He teaches people how to access, define and create their highest best versions of themselves and the lives that they want, over and over and over again.

This has led to him being interviewed on national TV, radio and print media, in Australia, New Zealand, America and the UK.

Gregory has also been a Visiting International Lecturer at UC Boulder, The London School of Economics and was a Consultant Faculty Member at UCLA teaching alternate healing.

You can reach Gregory at [email protected]