THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN PARENTING AND THE NEXT PANDEMIC

THIS IS MY ARTICLE FROM THE SOUTH ETOBICOKE NEWS AUGUST EDITIONS

There is another pandemic brewing.??Like usual we will ignore it. It will slowly destroy??our democratic society.??It will end compromise.??Like a virus, it had simple roots. It started in our homes nourished by Social-Media and ignorance. It attacks our children unless we are careful.??It starts with a parent??screaming??at some driver who cuts them off. The kids watched. You shriek at your partner when you have been wronged. The kids watch. You don’t use listening and empathy to resolve conflicts instead you bring up excuses and past wrongs.??The kids watch.??At hockey games, you rant at your son and rag the Refs, the??kids watch. You dump on the police, never praising their good work, the Kids??hear you.??You read to the kids for 15 minutes and then??you play videos for hours.??The kids know. You watch politicians trashing one another and you join the fray.??You tell the kids to be civil but don’t show them how. The child learns that you don’t mean it.?

IT IS A SHOCKING PROBLEM. Go to LInkedin, a social media for Professionals and Leaders. Professionals by definition should be guided by standards of civility but are not!??Instead of discussing,??sharing??and critically evaluating information, many writers just smear, trash and promote false conspiracy theories like their heroes these private medias. No one listens and the Kids just keep watching. They just keep learning???Ask teachers about the new aggressiveness of children in their classes over the last 10 years.??‘What’s caused the infection???We ask friends at work??We blankly stare at each other in puzzlement???Got the picture!

In medical schools they recognize that, ‘Role modelling is a powerful teaching tool for passing on knowledge, skills and especially values.??If not understood it can be negative rather than positive. Modern Societies tend to stress memorizing rules or techniques of critical thinking and forget about the substantial influence of role modeling.’??How to effectively communicate??information and good bedside manners are learned by watching not telling.?

Our indigenous partners, If we have finally learned and they can forgive, could have taught us much to prevent this infection. Too bad, we thought we were exceptional and superior.??That attitude stopped us from listening.

As I travelled the North, I met several wise Chiefs.??I would always meet with the tribal council to discuss local issues.??We would sit in a circle.??Each member, in a soft voice without ever criticizing anyone would be given??their time to speak and finish their thoughts -- no interruptions, no name calling like Parliament, Congress, Social-Media or Fox???I learned a lot about patience, civility and communications from watching them. One day a Chief noticed I was a bit impatient.??He took me aside and said “Learning and wisdom are related.??They were like a fine wine.??You sip it; savour it and enjoy all the different flavours, both sweet and bitter, blending together, before slowly swallowing.”??Today we just gulp or spit it out or trash any new ideas we dislike. we don't take time to acquire the taste.

Our founders, not Cabot but the indigenous peoples used group socialization, participation in cultural and spiritual rituals, oral teachings. stories and most importantly watching the people , the world around them and their relationships .??Teaching facts was integrated with ethics, morality and social obligations. They understood the relationship between ideas and actions. We, today, tend to separate these matters of facts and values.??You couldn’t teach one how to hunt without teaching respect for the contributions of your prey, and its kinship to you in nature.??Whatever you take had to be balanced by a giving. As a result, they patterned their behaviour on the elders, who passed the knowledge from generation to generation together with respect and trust.??We call this role modelling.??Integrity, knowledge and power were inter-related as one.??It became the holy trinity of a sustainable society or simply “practise what you preach”.??We are all part of Mother Earth and to destroy something without giving back we destroy ourselves. We must work together to survive.??We need civility.

We saw what happened to their culture, when we removed their teachers, their role models and introduced rigid methods of instruction – facts without a positive??modelling.

The problem is that we continue to ignore their wisdom.??Instead, we spread this new pandemic of trash-talk, attack and me first.

Dr Mustard, a world famous Canadian Surgeon who became known as a Child development??expert stressed the need for early childhood education.???In later life, he??regretted that his focus was taken to be on early education and ignored the need for assisting parental role modelling.??The residential schools proved how right he was. Note how the destruction of the role model destroyed generations of children both as individuals and later as parents. ?

A mother or father can tell a child to be nice, share with your sister, give your friend a chance to choose, use polite language, don’t shout or name call.??These are instructional words.??Unless we show them how it is done, these words will be seen only as words and nothing more.??We need to stop the bullying…but parents go first.

I spent much time both mentoring youth and sitting in Youth Court. I saw many parents who had parents without parenting skills try to help their child. But the parent here also lacked parenting skills. The desire to do something to help their child was strong. They had the love but lacked the methodology. We provided the youth with rehab help programs but there was nothing for the parent, the person who would spend the most time with the youth and be the most effective was ignored. Many times the age difference between child and parent was small. It was like a child mothering another child.

My wife used to say when the kids misbehaved..."I love you dearly, but I have job to do whether you like it or not, I doesn't matter if you love me today or Mattie's mother is nicer. I have to educate and civilize you to be responsible and I don't have much time to do it"

Later in life when my sons had an argument with their wives they told me they would go into the shower so the kids couldn't hear them. The United Front was imperative. To bad political parties don't think that way.

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