The 3:1 Neuroscience Rule, You didn't Know You Need to Know

Imagine it's Monday. You woke up in the morning, and for no reason, you felt good. You thought, "Today is gonna be a great day!" If you are like me, you took a shower and enjoyed your breakfast (I love fried eggs with toast and fresh coffee). Filled with Energy, you left your home for work. Optimistic and joyful, you arrived at the office just to face your colleague, who, unlike you, doesn't feel that positive. You want to be polite, so you ask:?

"Hey Bill, how was your weekend?"?

And just as you spelled the last word, he starts venting about how terrible his weekend was. Next, he complains about upcoming unnecessary management meetings and how much he hates Mondays. Realizing that you've stepped into a minefield, you try to carefully and politely escape, but it's too late. Bam! Your co-worker has already sucked the oxygen out of your beautiful day.?

But this is not all. As you go through your day, with each interaction and no matter how much you try to stay positive, you've become just like others; drained of Energy, pessimistic, frustrated, and anxious. Welcome to the negativity club!?

Does it sound familiar to you?

Who do you think is to blame for this?

I'm pretty sure most people would say: "It's the other person's fault." Although there is a bit of truth in it, this is not the real reason you shifted from positive to negative.

The 3:1 Rule

Did you know that our brain amplifies negative interactions over positive ones 3 to 1?

What is a negative interaction?

It's an interaction that causes others to feel negative emotions, like blame, criticism, anger, shame, guilt, disappointment, and so on.

Relationship Bank?

Each positive interaction will deposit ONE credit into your relationship bank account with someone. And, each negative interaction will withdraw THREE credits from it.

Why is that?

For survival reasons, the human brain amplifies a negative at least three times as much as a positive. For our ancestors, it was a matter of survival to notice the skin pattern of poisonous snakes or dangerous movements of wild animals in the bushes. But the beautiful wings of a butterfly ?? or the chirping of beautiful birds was trivial.

Be mindful of the Mirror.?

Neuroscientists have discovered that our brains have a special kind of neuron, the so-called Mirror Neurons, located right behind our supposed third eye, located between eyebrows. As the name indicates, the function of these neurons is to mimic others' behavior.?

This brain's function, for our ancestors, was a crucial survival mechanism. The chances of surviving in the wilderness were much higher when living together. So, no one wanted to be an outcast.?

As the saying goes, "In Rome, do as Romans do." Although we no longer live in the wilderness, we are still programmed to mimic others.

So, in any relationship, both sides have power over the other person: the ability to shift each other from positive to negative and, fortunately, from negative to positive. You must actively do three positive things for every negative interaction to restore the balance.

So, how well is your relationship account doing at home and work?

Is your balance sheet negative for any of your important relationships?

Let's not get emotionally bankrupt!

It could only take a few seconds to deposit a positive in an interaction:

• It could be as easy as saying, "Great Job!" in the middle of hearing a report.
• Or saying: what I like about that idea is… in reply to an idea from someone before trying to improve it.
• Or using "and" instead of "but" when you're trying to make your point in a meeting.
• Or a simple act of showing appreciation and gratitude.
• Or showing empathy by saying, "I know how it must feel to be feeling like … It's really, though, to be you."

And most importantly, remember that negative and positive emotions are contagious. So, while interacting with others, make sure that you protect yourself from getting hijacked by your mirror neurons.?

Conclusion

If you feel negative emotions after an interaction, stop!?

Step 1: Shift Your Energy

Think about at least three positive things you are grateful for in your life. This way, you'll ensure that your mind's balance of power stays positive.

Step 2: Shift the other person's Energy

Think of at least three positives that you can do or say that will balance your relationship account.

As always, practice makes perfect.?

So today, be mindful of your relationship bank account and keep depositing positive interactions.

You will see that over time you'll benefit from its dividend.

P.S.

The above insights are based on the Positive Intelligence mental fitness training course.

About Me

I am a former CIO and CTO with over 25 years of experience in the IT Industry. While I was good at managing the machines, I realized that I'm even more passionate about leading people and teams. I am a Certified Mental Fitness Trainer and ICF Certified Leadership Coach, and I know how hard it is to be a good CIO and how it is even harder when you're new in your role. I'm passionate about helping CIOs, CTOs, and IT leaders new to their roles.

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