Relational Love or Task Orientation

David W Palmer

(Matthew 26:7–8 NKJV) A woman came to Him having an alabaster flask of very costly fragrant oil, and she poured it on His head as He sat at the table. {8} But when His disciples saw it, they were indignant, saying, “Why this waste?”

Jesus had been with his apprentice apostles for around three years, training, teaching, and coaching them; he had committed himself to bringing them to complete competence in readiness to take over from him in the ministry he had modeled for them. However, as we will see in today’s reading; although they had readily adopted the task-oriented, action-packed, and “what’s-in-it-for-me?” aspects of ministry, they hadn’t yet fully grasped the worshipful, intimate, love-focused, and relationally oriented priority of Jesus.

For his final week, Jesus had come to Jerusalem. He knew he had much to achieve before his crucifixion, including teaching the crowds, one last tilt at breaking through the religious defenses of the Pharisees, scribes, and religious leaders, and finalizing the preparation of his protégés. Today’s reading shows that although they may have been competent in task-oriented missions and functions, they still had a long way to go in relational matters.

“A woman came to him …” We see that a woman came to Jesus. John identifies her as “Mary,” the sister of Martha and Lazarus. This family was Jesus’s friend, and this event probably took place in their home:

(John 12:1–3 NKJV) Then, six days before the Passover, Jesus came to Bethany, where Lazarus was who had been dead, whom He had raised from the dead. {2} There they made Him a supper; and Martha served, but Lazarus was one of those who sat at the table with Him. {3} Then Mary took a pound of very costly oil of spikenard, anointed the feet of Jesus, and wiped His feet with her hair. And the house was filled with the fragrance of the oil.

In this overt act of deep and intimate worship, Mary’s love and devotion for Jesus overflowed in the ultimate [spiritual expressed as innocent physical] touching and pure worshipful action—a worship moment that God will never forget, and neither will any of his followers:

(Matthew 26:13 NKJV) “Assuredly, I say to you, wherever this gospel is preached in the whole world, what this woman has done will also be told as a memorial to her.”

Mary understood and fully received Jesus’s pure love for her and her family. She deeply appreciated, not only the miracle he did for her by raising her brother, Lazarus, from the dead; but she also valued his coming to her home and investing his precious time—even on this his final week—to build a loving relationship with her and her family. Mary loved him. Her love overflowed in worship that went way beyond singing. Mary sacrificed her best for him; she humbly and openly expressed her affection; and she humbly stooped to anoint his feet and to wipe them with her hair. This was pure worship that God remembers.

However, the disciples again showed their immature grasp of Jesus’s divine nature of love and his priority for relationship:

(Matthew 26:8–9 NKJV) But when His disciples saw it, they were indignant, saying, “Why this waste? {9} For this fragrant oil might have been sold for much and given to the poor.”

Here we see that the disciples—several of them if not all—were “indignant” about Mary’s worship. Were they envious of Mary’s closeness and openness, were they genuinely concerned for the poor and the tasks of ministry, or were they simply greedy to get their hands on the cash? John’s account attributes the last of these motivations to Judas:

(John 12:4–6 NKJV) But one of His disciples, Judas Iscariot, Simon’s son, who would betray Him, said, {5} “Why was this fragrant oil not sold for three hundred denarii and given to the poor?” {6} This he said, not that he cared for the poor, but because he was a thief, and had the money box; and he used to take what was put in it.

Jesus was aware of Judas’s issues, but he also knew, understood, and deeply appreciated Mary’s heart along with her corresponding, worshipful actions. God is love, so that’s where he was focused:

(1 John 4:8, 16 NKJV) He who does not love does not know God, for God is love. ... {16} And we have known and believed the love that God has for us. God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God in him.

(Matthew 26:10–12 NKJV) But when Jesus was aware of it, He said to them, “Why do you trouble the woman? For she has done a good work for Me. {11} For you have the poor with you always, but Me you do not have always. {12} For in pouring this fragrant oil on My body, she did it for My burial.

Another translation says:

(Matthew 26:10 AMPC) But Jesus, fully aware of this, said to them, “Why do you bother the woman? She has done a noble (praiseworthy and beautiful) thing to Me.”

This event certainly revealed the hidden heart-realities of those present:

Mary was a worshipper, whose love and devotion was expressed in overt public affection and the most profound love-motivated sacrificial giving.

Martha: after Jesus resurrected her brother, she was also full of love, appreciation, and devotion for Jesus; but unlike Mary, her worship of him was expressed in humbly serving him and his followers.

Judas was manifestly a self-serving thief … just like the devil (who entered him just prior to the Last Supper (See: Luke 22:3). But the other disciples were simply more task focused than relationship and love oriented at that time. Jesus had then to take them into his confidence and lead them through a process that transformed them from “servants” to “friends.” (We will look at this transformation in the coming days.)

Today, we can take away several things from this story to put into practice in our own walk with Jesus.

If you already understand the relational aspect of life with Jesus, then I encourage you to invest everything into your worship of him. Be like Mary, who offered her most precious treasure into expressing her love, appreciation, devotion, and affection for Jesus.

If you love him deeply and also want to invest into expressing love and worship that he will never forget, but are like Martha; then express your devotion by serving his followers—while singing and making melody to him in your heart. (As with Mary’s worship, Martha’s serving is also recorded in God’s eternal word.)

Perhaps today, you are simply like the other disciples, who had grasped the technical, task-oriented, and action-focused aspects of ministry. If so, I encourage you first to never judge people like Mary—those who invest heavily into their worship and their spending on the resources that support our contemporary praise and worship styles. You may not have the same priorities, but don’t judge what they are doing to express their worship; Jesus may well appreciate it, and he may remember it forever.

I also encourage you to understand the relational side of walking with Jesus as your Trainer, Coach, and Mentor; learn to lean into him like John did. Love him, and express it as you overflow in your gratitude, devotion, and worship.