Rejection

Yesterday, I had a call from a friend that jolted me out of my routine. For those who've been following my journey, you know I’ve been sharing my daily life. Last August, my sister lost her battle with cancer, and her spiritual sister's love transformed our friendship into family. That moment was a turning point, a testament to the power of human connection.

So when the phone rang yesterday, I expected a simple catch-up. Instead, she asked, “Billy, have you found a job yet?” Without missing a beat, I replied, “Nope.” Her sigh of relief told me everything—she was in the same boat, 11 months into her own job hunt. She shared that she is remaining positive and knows everything happens as it should, but at this moment she was finding it harder to cling to this. We shared a moment of silent solidarity, both of us weary but unbroken.

In that conversation, I realized something profound: sometimes, people don't need advice—they need to be heard. I’ve been on both sides of that phone, and unsolicited advice often feels like a slap in the face, especially when you’ve tried everything already. It’s not about fixing the problem but about feeling seen and understood.

Oddly enough as I was writing this article my phone rang and it was a different person, who despite being employed, is ?feeling defeated by constant rejections. His struggle mirrored ours, proving that the job hunt's emotional toll is universal. This isn’t about not knowing how to update a resume or network more; it’s about the human experience behind those actions.

Active listening is an art. It’s about being present without trying to solve. It’s acknowledging someone’s pain without diminishing it with clichés like, “It’s a tough market for everyone.” Instead, try saying, “I can’t imagine how frustrating this must be for you.” That simple validation can be a lifeline.

We all cling to positivity, gratitude, and hope, but some days, we just want to scream, “What the fuck!” And that’s okay. It’s okay to not be okay. Don’t isolate yourself, and don’t stop sharing. Reach out, even if it’s just to vent.

If you’re the listener, remember: your role is to support, not fix. Say things like, “I’m here to listen, no matter what,” or “Your feelings are totally valid.” These words can transform a no-win situation into a win-win.

Thing to avoid saying from my personal perspective

"Have you tried updating your resume?" Updating a resume is a fundamental step, one that any seasoned professional has likely revisited multiple times. Suggesting this can come across as a critique of their efforts and capabilities. Instead of rehashing this advice, consider asking about the unique challenges they face with their resume, offering genuine engagement and support.

"Maybe you should network more." Networking is the cornerstone of modern job searching, and most people know its importance. However, suggesting this to someone who has been networking relentlessly can be disheartening. It's crucial to acknowledge their effort and perhaps offer to introduce them to your own contacts, providing tangible assistance rather than general advice.

"Why don’t you take a lower-paying job in the meantime?" This comment can feel like an insult to their career and financial standing. Many have already considered or even taken this step out of necessity. Instead, show empathy for the difficult choices they face and recognize the complexity of their situation.

"Have you thought about going back to school?" While additional education can be beneficial, it is not always a feasible solution, especially for someone already burdened with job search stress. This suggestion can seem out of touch with their immediate needs and financial constraints. Offer to explore less costly ways they can enhance their skills or marketability.

"Maybe you’re not trying hard enough." Questioning someone's effort is both hurtful and demoralizing. Job searching is a full-time job in itself, often consuming significant emotional and physical energy. Acknowledge their hard work and perseverance instead of undermining it.

"It’s all about who you know." This statement can feel like rubbing salt in the wound, particularly if they have been tirelessly leveraging their network. Rather than stating the obvious, consider offering a new perspective or sharing your own network connections to help them.

"You should apply for jobs online." Online applications are standard practice, and it's unlikely they haven’t already explored this avenue. Such advice can seem dismissive of their extensive efforts. Instead, offer to review their application strategy or recommend specific job boards they might not have considered.

"Have you tried reaching out to recruiters?" Professional recruiters are a common resource, and chances are, they’ve already contacted several. Instead of suggesting this, ask how their experiences with recruiters have been and see if you can offer any new contacts or insights.

"Maybe you need to change your approach." While adaptability is important, implying they are at fault for their lack of success can be deeply discouraging. A more supportive approach would be to ask about their current strategies and offer specific, constructive feedback or new ideas.

"It’s a tough market out there for everyone." Such statements can minimize their personal struggle by generalizing it. A more empathetic response would acknowledge the unique difficulties they are facing, validating their feelings and offering genuine support.

Try these starters instead

"I can’t imagine how frustrating this must be for you."

"It's completely understandable to feel this way."

"You’ve worked so hard; it’s okay to feel upset about this."

"That sounds incredibly challenging."

"I’m here to listen, no matter what."

"It's really tough to keep going when things aren’t working out."

"Your feelings are totally valid."

?"This situation sounds really tough, and I’m sorry you're going through it."

"I'm here with you, and I support you."

"You have every right to feel the way you do."

?In a world obsessed with quick fixes and relentless positivity, let’s embrace the raw, unfiltered truth of our experiences. Let’s be there for each other, not with solutions but with solidarity. Because at the end of the day, we all need to feel heard.

Thanks for reading,

William Rochelle, but you can call me Bill

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