(Re)Invention - Looking back

Following on my initial thoughts of last week on (Re)Invention, today I look back at the past to find clues of the future may hold.

I briefly touched on it last week, one of the first projections I did about "what I want to do when I grow up", was wanting to be a stylist. I've always enjoyed fashion, and I remember trying to draw some outfits (women's dresses, I think) on pieces of paper when I was not even 10. I also remember that my grades in school at anything that was remotely close to a form of artistic creation were the worst grades I ever had. Add to that the fact that my parents dod not particularly introduced us to any form of art, and I quickly realized that my skills must lie elsewhere.

Buddhism - again - considers that what makes you "you" is basically a mental construction, often subconscious, always biased, based on what you experienced rather than on what you are. And that you can easily deconstruct that identity to detach from it and its constraints to reach enlightenment. What if those memories have been created or rearranged to fit the narrative that I've been telling myself, to find an excuse to chase skills somewhere else.

At 9 I was lucky enough to be introduced to the game of golf. And very quickly, as my skills seemed more visible on a par 4 and a driver in hand than in front of a blank sheet of paper and pencils, my dream job became to become a professional golfer. It was the early 90s, so I dreamt of becoming Davis Love III or Fred Couples and not Tiger Woods, but with my teenage years the Tiger craze arrived and I wanted to become him. At the end of a mediocre journey through education mostly caused by the fact that my dream job was not formed by education, and following an amateur career that should have been the biggest hint that the skills required to reach this dream job were simply not in me, I ended up becoming a professional golfer. Not a very good one - although I believe was an alright golf coach which I did for 10 years to finance my lack of personal golfing success - but one nonetheless. Eventually, reality hit : I will never make it. And I decided to quit and find a "real" job at the age of 32 years old.

But during that period when your consider you have your dream job, escape from the job itself still is necessary. And I found at the time that apart from cliché escapes of a 20 something year old man, I often turned to art as an escape. Whether walking through a museum, or taking pictures or listening or even trying to create music, I was interested by the creative process of making "art". But as I first tried to (re)invent myself then, moving from a failed dream job to a potential other dream job where I had not background was not even on my radar. What I had to do was find a "real" job. So I ended up (not without some difficulties) in IT, where I still operate today.

For a few years now I've been taking pictures in black and white of moments or cities, and I really enjoy it. I was even lucky enough to have a friend host my work for a few weeks in a great location a few years ago. But it did not really hit. I was proud of my work, but disappointed with the feedback, or lack thereof, suggesting yet another lack of skills. I also spent time on the golf course over the last few years to emulate the work of great photographers and try to snap a few good pics. But nothing to consider a career change. What would it take to consider it then ? Social media have taught us over the past decade that success and becoming viral need to be considered separately. But unfortunately lack of early success or even engagement often discourages people to pursue things further. Maybe I fell into that trap and missed the opportunity to keep working on this craft. And writing about it is a way to realize it and do something about it.

The hints of art and photography in my past may only be a construction of what I believe my identity to be. And that past shall not be seen as the only guide to (re)invention. But I'll spend some time over the next weeks to improve my craft with a camera in my hand, just in case. I'll keep you posted but until then,

Cheers.