REINVENTING YOURSELF in Denmark - Part 2

If you didn't read the first part, here is your opportunity: https://www.dhirubhai.net/pulse/reinventing-yourself-denmark-part-1-sofia-reis-malveira/

I must say that during our exciting journey, there were three key points to remember: Foster (our dog), Dine with a Dane (Aalborg university chaplain's programme) and Global Growth Agents program (GGA) by International North House Denmark. The first one has proven to be an ice breaker! Wherever we take Foster for a walk, people will approach us - regardless of our Danish language skills.

The second one was life-changing! Not only, there’s a program where Danish families will invite you to dinner, but additionally, we had the luck of knowing a special one that was open to sharing their home and environment - and that it's pretty important in Denmark! For us, it was the beginning of a wonderful friendship, full of learning milestones, respect, and companionship – that led to a 2 weeks joint summer vacation, in Portugal! ??

The last one (GGA) has been a mix of pushing yourself to the next level in terms of the Danish labour market and having a safe place to speak as equals. Every year, International House Denmark selects a group of Global Growth Agents composed by skilled international students, leading them throughout several activities to gain knowledge about the Danish professional and social context as well as, getting them closer to the local companies. Moreover, we felt connected with them, and in trying times, Miguel has kept a positive attitude towards our professional value and goals. Bottom line, we were very pleased to be chosen, as we keep embracing this opportunity seriously.

“Winter Is Coming” (GOT, 2011)

Meantime, you will have your days. The not-so-good days… Times when you will experience self-doubt and anxiety, struggling with some kind of self-Metamorphosis. (Kafka, 1915)

Being an expat is never easy. It’s a condition where you will be fighting your immune system and (in this case) the Danish one. And the Danish system can seem very harsh on you, making you feel as you don't belong or you are worthless. You will be constantly navigating through an abstract filtering process in order to define which boxes do you “fit in”. Like every well-structured society, there's less space for improvising. So if you don′t fit in one of the pre-settled boxes, you will be spending some time trying to figure out your next steps. Doubting yourself and revising all the decisions and options you took.

For those who dream with the equity flag, it will be hard to find out that many times, you feel less European than is supposed to be. Depending on the region, you can probably experience more than once, that there's this “line of division” between Danes and non-Danes (internationals who married Danes, refugees who were received in Denmark and at the end of the line, internationals in general) – and at least in the North, it may not be important if you qualify for a job since you primarily depend on your Danish skills.

Since 2018, you have to pay to be able to learn Danish in an official language school. When you are a student in a country with a high cost of living, the need for a job and the obligation to know the language before being accepted into one, become in many cases a vicious cycle! A recurring conversation that we have had with local institutions and people, is that offering 6 to 12 months of intensive private lessons to skilled expats has proven to be more effective than any other existing alternatives (e.g. 3 years of language school) – as we have seen first-hand. Moreover, it could come with the obligation of working for a period of time afterwards, as retribution to the country/ institution.

I could be completely wrong but, one way of seeing this could be: How much does it cost to wait for the “right candidate” who must already be able to speak good Danish (having paid for it themselves without guarantee of a job)? VERSUS having an employee, working from day 1, while getting to know the organisation, culture and language.

With Brexit right at our doors and the high level of education that Denmark has in-house, won’t each international student that proved to be qualified to get a position, be also an open door for new markets? … And by capitalising on those in-house trained resources, wouldn't Denmark be leveraging market plurality rather than future dependency scenarios? Not to mention the branding you could generate with it, as the UK has been doing for decades... although we know that Danes do not like to brag about! ??

Finally, if you are tired of seating in an institution or organisation where everyone says “grey”… Why not bring in the person(s) that will shout “yellow”? ?? The recipe might be good but how much better could it get?

Lessons learned II: “Without change, there is no innovation, creativity, or incentive for improvement. Those who initiate change will have a better opportunity to manage the change that is inevitable.” (William Pollard)

Things that are taken for granted

Knowing how to read your electricity bill, contacting your mail provider, getting a dagpleje (daycare) place or looking for an apartment will be hugely time-consuming and frustrating without knowing Danish. On the other hand, everything is CPR login-based, so not only information flows quicker, but at the same time, the system seems less corruptible. From banks to schools and housing, all documents, contracts or laws are basically in Danish however, institutions such as Jyske Bank have a great approach towards internationals. Other worthwhile initiatives are free legal advice, which you can get in libraries on Tuesdays (Advokatvagten i Aalborg Bibliotekerne) and pre/ post-birth classes in English, from Aalborg Kommune (which was, for many of us, the only support during the parenting journey).

A sensitive topic about benefits given to internationals will be the myth among the local Youngers (and not only) to whom, Internationals “come to take advantage of the SU". By law, the Educational allowance (SU) can only be granted to international students if they work 10-12 hours per week, which means that you must be on a 45h monthly contract. Every time you fail to do the required hours, you will lose your SU – and you must re-do the whole process, and that could take up to 2-3 months. Furthermore, outside the major cities, it can be harder to find a student job without knowing Danish. 

So, in the invisible layers of the city, you will find us regardless of our qualifications, washing dishes, cleaning houses and hotel rooms, cycling with food delivery backpacks, or providing you with the local newspaper door-to-door from midnight to seven a.m. Again, I'm not being derogatory or maternalist, especially as I am in favour of working while studying (I am currently babysitting). The question is the undifferentiated treatment of so many individuals based on the argument of not speaking the language, simply wasting value that could be inside all sort of companies on a part-time base. Meantime, all of those students (with and without SU or jobs) are spending money and paying indirect taxes on housing, food, and transportation. All in all, the preconceived idea of getting something that we're not entitled to, is therefore far from true. 

“So, why are you still in Denmark?”

Last time I heard this question, we were having an international community dinner with volunteers from Foodbank Aalborg and some members of Bethelkirken congregation. And we answered almost immediately: work-life balance philosophy and people!

Our son goes to a dagpleje or dagplejemor (childminder known as “nanny”), that is, in this case, a public service from the municipality (kommunale dagpleje). There are other options, but we had the luck of getting not only a loving and caring person but also, one with multiple nationalities besides Danes – which from my point of view, is very enriching especially in the early years. Overall, we are very satisfied, including the little gentleman.??

The dagpleje system in Denmark is something to respect; Aalborg kommune not only trains these professionals but provides them with all the material needed and will systematically supervise the sector. To be ready to start, your child should pass the six “must-have test”: pram (barnevogn) with rain cover, snow and waterproof jumpsuit, boots, gloves, hood and safety pram harness. At 9 am the dagplejemor will go out with the kids to walk, no matter the weather. It has to be “raining cats and dogs” for them to be inside! The little ones are taught to walk along as soon as possible, holding the stroller (Dagplejevogn) sides - which by the way are identified by license plates. “The license plates are not numbers, but drawings and are made in collaboration with the Municipality of Aalborg and the trade union FOA. The idea is to raise awareness of the quality of public daycare” (Berlingske.dk, 2019). So, do not be surprised to encounter them walking around, as a group, looking at the trees and plants, touching things, shopping for groceries, or just singing along. By noon, they will already have eaten and will be put to sleep outside, in their prams – something that we embraced even before the dagpleje. And most of them will sleep a nap until 15h. 

(Hyggebo, 2018) Kids walking alongside the stroller; (Bagger, 2019) Dagplejevogn license plates.

What I did learn in Denmark, about small children in general, is to be more relaxed about it. And I am tremendously grateful that embraced this culture before Diogo’s birth because it felt natural contrary to “being forced into it”. Of course, there′s a context that allows us all to live like that, including high levels of safety but also a strong mindset across the society that I truly respect! Wrapping up on the topic, it’s an amazing feeling to go and pick up my son in the middle of the afternoon with our dog (that travels in the stroller basket inside buses ??), meaning that we can spend over 5 hours of family quality time per day – and that my friend, you cannot do in most countries, no matter how great your job is! 

(Winter 2019, Diogo and Foster wanting for the bus to return home)

Another strong argument is that there are so many people worth knowing. Interesting and warm people. The ones that lived inside our imagination, which you won’t reach on a daily basis if they don’t allow you. But if they do… it could be for life. For those we had the chance to (really) meet, I keep a special thanks, remembering their humanity and kindness towards us. Including the one that saw Daniel’s professional value - because not only do I know that he can shout “yellow”, as well as he is a strong negotiator and one that delivers complex projects on time.

Also would like to highlight the effort and brilliant work that Foodbank and local churches develop for students and minorities in general. Counting Elsk Aalborg as a vibrant, fresh and welcoming institution with whom we have embraced some volunteer work. For them, and others to come, believe me when I say that if we can get our fishing rod, we will deliver the product. And who knows if within a year I will not be writing an article in Danish…?

Lessons learned III: "Most people who succeed in the face of seemingly impossible conditions are people who simply don't know how to quit." (Schuller, 1984)

All things considered, we like to be in Denmark, and we will keep aiming to get our place in society. So if you take a similar adventure, you might want to keep this short "Danish survival guide" in mind: 

• Never stay with the first NO. Pursuit things that matter to you;
• Expect to feel an outsider;
• Forget WhatsApp and return to Messenger and Facebook ASAP, before losing tons of things (and potential friends);
• Go out, no matter the weather;
• It’s OK to feel homesick;
• Learn Danish and be aware of its hidden humour;
• Engage in conversations with locals, and remember that probably both parties won't be talking their native tongue. If the conversation ends, just move on (Danes do not waste time saying extended “goodbyes”, and you might stand there abruptly alone);
• Boost your LinkedIn account and make your CV/motivation letter as Danish as possible;
• Get a bike and cycle as crazy, everywhere;
• Be present and follow up, if you want things to happen;
• Learn the value of a coffee-meeting;
• Assume you will miss the comforts gained over the years (seating in your living room surrounded with your favourite books while taking a drink, go around in your car or riding your motorbike, or even to go out on a date with your sweetheart with no financial worries);
• You will find real Danish food in someone’s house, not in restaurants;
• Do volunteer work;
• You may spit your lungs out (or not) when introduced to lakrids candies, but at least prepare to substantially sweeten your life around here;
• If you are a parent: expect your kids to jump into water puddles, crawl in the ground, play with knives and fire, and there’s always forest kindergarten if you long for the next level ?? ;
• Start improving your “game board” skills;
• Remember to bring and share something, from time to time, with your colleagues at “coffee-break”;
• Embrace some hobbies such as sports;
• If you have a sunny birthday that means that you have behaved yourself;
• Don’t stop networking;
• Never lose your focus, your primary goal.

Last but not least, do not lose your Identity and reach out to your friends and family, as they are your biggest fans and supporters in this challenge that is REINVENTING YOURSELF.

#globalgrowthagents #GGA #internationalnorthhousedenmark

#aalborgkommune #foodbankaalborg #elskaalborg #lovedenmark

References

(DTCC), D.-T. C. (n.d.). About Us - Danish-Thai Chamber of Commerce. About Us. Retrieved 10 14, 2019, from https://dancham.or.th/danish-thai-chamber-of-commerce/about-us/

Bagger, H. (n.d.). Berlingske. Retrieved 11 12, 2019, from https://www.berlingske.dk/privatoekonomi/kommunernes-boerneforsikringer-er-ulovlige

Berlingske. (n.d.). Retrieved 11 12, 2019, from Berlingske: https://www.berlingske.dk/privatoekonomi/kommunernes-boerneforsikringer-er-ulovlige

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Hyggebo, S. (2018, 10 31). Privat dagpleje Aalborg SV. Out for a walk. Retrieved 11 12, 2019, from https://www.facebook.com/973126502709805/photos/a.1493470054008778/1974860802536365/?type=3&theater

Kafka, F. (1915). The Metamorphosis. Leipzig: Kurt Wolff Verlag. Retrieved from https://dancham.or.th/danish-thai-chamber-of-commerce/about-us/

Lennon, J. (1971). Imagine. Imagine. Ascot Sound Studios & Record Plant Studios, Tittenhurst Park & New York, EUA.

Pollard, W. (n.d.). Retrieved from https://allauthor.com/quotes/100174/

Schuller, R. H. (1984). Tough Times Never Last, But Tough People Do! Bantam. Retrieved 10 08, 2019

Wilson, E. O. (n.d.). You are capable of more than you know... Retrieved 10 08, 2019