Reinvent Yourself By Being Who You Are

“I believe that one defines oneself by reinvention. To not be like your parents. To not be like your friends. To be yourself. To cut yourself out of stone.” - Henry Rollins

We are socialized by observing the behavior of others and modeling after them. We are social beings that seek to fit in, to be accepted, to be like our parents and others that we think we must please, in order to gain their love and acceptance.?

This can be helpful in many practical ways.? We learn how to walk and talk, put on clothes, tie our shoes, ride a bike, drive a car, and many other useful skills. However, modeling negative behaviors is also a learned “skill”. These can include disrespecting other’s feelings, using harsh words to control behavior, using physical force to get someone to do what you want, belittling as a means of feeling superior, people pleasing as a means to gain someone’s “love”, and many other maladaptive behaviors, that lead you away from who you really are as a being, slowly crushing your opinion of yourself.?

As your life is directed and shaped into a mold created by your parents, teachers, religion, culture, and society, who you are and how to express yourself becomes buried under layer upon layer of rules, shame, secrecy, and sublimation of self.? “If they really knew who I am, they would not love me” becomes the burden most of us carry through life.

This conditioning can lead to poor self esteem, depression, substance abuse and other addictions, unhealthy or abusive relationships (abuser or abused), unhappy marriages, and repeating the same cycle while raising your own children.?

We unconsciously seek to perpetuate what we know and is familiar… until we know better.?

It is never too late to reinvent who you were conditioned to be, to become who you really are.?

Re-inventing yourself requires reflection, serious soul searching, and hard work. It is not easy to break the chains of conditioning.? But, it is possible with determination, perseverance, and practice.?

Here are a few tips on reinventing yourself:?

1. Make time to discover who you really are and what you want to do with the gift of life you have been given. This is the first and most important step. Who am I? How can I make a difference in the world? How do I want to spend the rest of my life? Why am I here now? What is inside of me that is needing to be released?
2. The next step involves the great unlearning process. Just as you learned all of your current behaviors, you can UN-learn what is no longer serving you, with new and healthier ways of showing up in the world,? both at home and at work. There are many resources available to help you with this process.
3. The process of change may mean walking away from unhealthy relationships that are crushing your spirit and keeping you down.? You may already be aware of the toxic nature of some relationships in your life… with your spouse, children, family, or work. People who have been successful at keeping you down, will not sit back quietly as they lose their power over you. Prepare yourself for this possibility.
4. Know that you can only change yourself, not others. As you transform your own life, accept the people in your life as they are without trying to change them. Trying to change people into who you want them to be, doesn’t work. (It didn’t for you!)
5. If your loved ones are unwilling to accept or honor you as you are, protect yourself by creating firm but polite boundaries, allowing for your personal growth.?
6. Not everyone in your life right now, will accept who you truly are; attached to the illusion of who they THOUGHT you were. This may mean seeking new friends or relationships with those who are more supportive of you.
7. Find support groups and organizations with like-minded people who can help you to evolve and grow.
8. Make new friends who lift you up, accept, and love you as you are and less time with those who do not.
9. Be true to yourself.? As you live your life in congruence with who you really are, you will begin to attract people who will support you.?
10. Reinventing yourself is hard work, but you are worth the effort it will take to reclaim and transform your life.?

You have the power to cut out of stone, an authentic version of yourself, to be who you are, not who the world wants you to be. There is no one in the universe who has ever lived or will live, who is exactly like you. Know this in your bones. There is only one YOU. You deserve to live the life you came here to enjoy.?

Lean into the power and wonder of simply being you. The world needs you… as you are at the core of your being… not who you have been conditioned to be.?

If you are having a difficult time knowing and embracing who you are, message me to schedule a discovery call at: [email protected]

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