Reimagining Love
Cassandra Goodman
Activating Human Brilliance at Work | Coach | Facilitator | Consultant | Thinking Environment? Trainer | Self-Fidelity Pioneer | Published Author | True Power Podcast Host |
I have noticed recently how little we are speaking of what is joyous to us and instead we are recycling the hurt of the world – we have forgotten to feed ourselves with love. Sarah Blondin
Most people are sceptical about the relevance of love at work.
Perhaps in some workplaces the topic of love is taboo. Love may suffer from an unfortunate association with old stories of inappropriate, scandalous behaviour.
I believe that when we are at our best, our work becomes an expression of our love. Work is our love made visible, valuable and relevant. The world desperately needs more leaders to dig deep enough to find the courage to work in a way that is grounded in love.
My hope is that in time we can talk openly in workplaces around the world about our fundamental need for love in the same way as we talk about our fundamental need for fresh air and water – without a single raised eyebrow or eye roll.
There are many people who believe that our essential nature as human beings is love and that the meaning of life is to remember and return to this essential nature. If the idea of our essential nature being love is a step too far for us, perhaps the idea that love is a powerful source of inspiration and growth is more palatable. Maya Angelou said, ‘Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope.’
Science tells us that positive emotions such as love trigger growth and support us to become better versions of ourselves. Dr Barbara Fredrickson’s ground-breaking work explores the potential-activating power of love. In her book Love 2.0: How Our Supreme Emotion Affects Everything We Feel, Think, Do, and Become Dr Fredrickson shares her findings that love, and its absence, fundamentally alters the biochemicals in our bodies which in turn can alter the way our DNA is expressed in our cells. Dr Fredrickson's upgraded 2.0 definition of love describes love as micro-moments of ‘positivity resonance’ where there is the presence of three factors – shared positive emotions, biobehavioural synchronicity and a motive of mutual care. This means that love is actually a fleeting but completely renewable emotion that can ‘blossom anytime two or more people – even strangers – connect over a shared positive emotion’.
Dr Fredrickson’s research provides a radically new concept of what love is and why it matters, and created a hugely compelling case for more fully embracing this ‘supreme emotion’ in our lives and workplaces. She explains:
Love nourishes your body the way the right balance of sunlight, nutrient-rich soil, and water nourishes plants and allows them to flourish. The more you experience it, the more you open up and grow, becoming wiser, and more attuned, more resilient and effective, happier and healthier.
A young child once described their experience of being with some- one who is being loving towards them: ‘When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know your name? is safe in their mouth.’
The late Dr Wayne Dyer offers us practical guidance on what it means to embody lovingness:
Notice when you’re inclined to judge yourself or others as though you or they are unworthy of love. This means suspending your need to be right in favour of being kind toward yourself and others, and deliberately extending kindness everywhere. This means giving love to yourself and others rather than demanding love. This means your loving gesture of kindness is heartfelt because you feel love flowing from within – not because you want something in return. A tall order? Not really, unless you believe that it’s going to be difficult.
I once heard Sharon Salzberg describe grief as ‘love that does not have the normal place to go’. When I have worked in environments where the unwritten rules required me to suppress my essential caring, loving nature in my interactions with my colleagues, I experienced a sort of constant, low-level grief.
Being in the presence of another human being and feeling like we have to protect ourselves or prove ourselves is extremely draining. Feeling safe and free to be both warm-hearted and open-hearted and experiencing a heartfelt connection with another living being is deeply nourishing.
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Imagine the new possibilities that would emerge in workplaces across the world if our hearts were open and connected instead of closed and protected.
In the book Belonging – Remembering Ourselves Home Tako-pa Turner speaks beautifully to our search for belonging and a home of love:
This is the great irony of belonging: that in all your searching for a home of love, it was yours to give away all along. And the real reward of your quest is to fling your doors open and let your life become a shelter of belonging for others.
Of course, opening our tender, long-shielded hearts to the slings and arrows of the world is not easy. Letting in love takes courage but the rewards are immense when we can trust that we are strong and that we can do hard things.
Love connects us and ignites powerful forces within us, making us more flexible, creative, wise, attuned to others, and over time, more resourceful. The act of letting in love is arguably the most powerful potential-activating practice we can engage in. By learning to let more love into our working lives, we deeply nourish ourselves. Love has the power to transform our working lives. As Rick Hanson says ‘love is the multivitamin, the universal medicine’.
SUMMARY
BURNING QUESTIONS
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Hey there, ?? I’m Cassie.
You know how most of the time we’re just skimming the surface of our potential at work? Well, I help empower leaders and organisations activate their true brilliance, because we can't afford to live as half-light versions of ourselves. The stakes are simply too high.
This article is an extract of my first book Self-Fidelity - How being True to Yourself Uplifts Your Working Life. Order a signed copy here . Download a free sample here .
Learn more about the work I do here .
Writing on People | Patriotism | Culture | History
9 个月Beautifully expressed and so timely. Thank you. It is good to see more people writing on this topic. I have written previously that I believe there has to be a radical overhaul of workplaces to become loving communities. So vital in a disconnected era of acute mental wellbeing challenges.