Reimagining Emotional Intelligence in Leadership

By Robin Li, Notable Capital

As founders, technical skills and business acumen are key to success, but it really comes down to so much more than that. Have you ever met a founder with great people skills? Someone who connects with others, helps them feel heard and validated—but also manages to galvanize groups to next-level greatness? Those soft skills speak to having a high level of emotional intelligence.?

Amy Jin is a leadership coach and inspirational speaker who is reimagining how to turn ideas into companies, founders into CEOs, and fragmented groups into trusting teams—all through the power of emotional intelligence.

I first met Amy at a leadership retreat, where many of the topics she covered in her workshops resonated with me. I also noticed how she weaves together Western and Eastern perspectives, a combo that I don’t often come across in coaching.?

It helps to first understand Amy’s own career transformation. After working as a senior account executive at OpenTable and then in business development for Google, Amy says she realized that she just wasn’t happy. Though she got to experience the professional wins of helping to launch Android Pay across EMEA, she felt that something was missing.?

So what was that missing piece? Amy ultimately realized that she wasn’t integrating her emotions into her daily life.

“It was only through reclaiming my emotions, asking myself what do I feel, and using that intelligence, was I able to find what I’m supposed to be doing on Earth,” says Amy, who went on a sabbatical and found her calling as a leadership coach for founders and their teams.?

Through her research-backed and heart-led approach, Amy now collaborates with mission-driven founders and organizations to cultivate emotionally intelligent and high-performing teams and cultures.?

What is EQ anyway—and why does it matter?

EQ is emotional quotient, or emotional intelligence. At its core, it’s the ability to understand and manage one's own emotions—and then also influence those of others. It’s a skill that’s relational, Amy says. This also makes it something of a dynamic skill, one that requires? empathy and a willingness to understand how people think, what they’re motivated by, and how to connect with them. Responding to situations in the moment requires some degree of emotional mastery and mindfulness.

Part of EQ is the ability to put ourselves in another’s shoes, and leaders who master empathy perform 40 percent higher in coaching, engaging others, and decision-making, Amy says. It’s also been found to be twice as important as IQ and technical ability in driving performance.?

I was also struck by this stat: Every unaddressed conflict can waste up to eight hours of company time. At the same time, something that Amy later said stands out: “We are each 100% responsible for our own emotions. We cannot be responsible for the emotions of others. However, leaders still care and take responsibility for their impact.”?

What does a successful leader look like??

If a founder approaches her with a go-to-market problem or a feedback problem, Amy says that “nine times out of 10, what we’re really talking about is the skill of emotional intelligence.”?

A leader with a high EQ can read a room and understand when something they’re discussing isn’t resonating with people, or that people aren’t connecting on an issue or solving the right problem.

A successful leader is aware of his or her emotional state, and takes that into account before heading into a work conversation, especially if it’s an important one. They are able to take a moment and get themselves regulated and focused in order to achieve their goals, even if they are experiencing anger or frustration.

Using emotional intelligence to identify what’s actually going on can give you a powerful piece of data “to diagnose the real problem, triage, and then solve it.”

What steps can you take to grow your own emotional intelligence??

Growing emotional intelligence is possible by consistently practicing a few steps, Amy says.

Be self-aware: Respond to situations as they develop in a mindful way. This reflects your own awareness of your own emotions and how they might be influencing your leadership style from moment to moment. Take the time to identify your emotions by naming them. Use this slide as a reference to build your vocabulary and emotional granularity.

Trust yourself: It’s so easy to second-guess ourselves as leaders. If you’re anxious about something, don’t get stuck at feeling bad for feeling anxious, ask yourself why you’re feeling anxious. Chances are it’s because something is important to you, that you care. The more we trust ourselves, the more authentic we are. It’s these strengths that create “the unique differentiators we need as leaders to outcompete others and to influence others and bring others along,” Amy adds.

Ask for feedback: Even if done anonymously, consider asking people above, below, and at your peer level to tell you two things you do well—and two things that if you did it differently, would make a huge difference to them in the workplace. And then sit with that feedback and integrate it where needed.

So is it ever too late to shift your management style??

Never. As Amy says, you can always start over, you can always try something new. You can start right now. And if you mess up, you can try again. It’s all about building muscle memory and new neural pathways. Eventually it gets easier and becomes second nature. “That's how we expand our skill set while staying authentic,” Amy says.?

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+ Special thanks to my colleagues?Amy Chen?and?Sabrina Schielein who made this come to life!