Regulating Temperament at Work. Do You Zip It or Explode?

Here’s my take on this. Sometimes, self-control can be the difference between a quiet parting of the ways and a raging argument that ends in a messy scuffle.

A lot of us carry resentments, annoyances and even anger inside us at any given time. Polite society requires us to keep our mouths shut most of the time – why cause a scene and potentially damage a relationship when you can simply just let the anger slowly dissipate?

Yet sometimes, even those of us with the best self-control can let things bubble over. Maybe there have been one too many sarcastic comments from the same person. There may be a recurring issue with an operational process that is easily fixable, but a certain individual doesn’t wish to address it. It may simply be that someone was thoughtless and offended you for no real reason.

Then the volcano erupts and things very quickly spiral out of control.

It is often the case that although the person reacting doesn’t “start” the incident, they are often the ones to finish it. Emotions escalate and things get out of control faster than either party would rationally consider normal adult behavior.

Not knowing when someone might “explode” is a worry for colleagues, team members and bosses. It means that they are unreliable and actually fairly untrustworthy. Very few tasks in the workplace do not actively involve communicating with others, and if a certain individual is not always able to control their emotions, there is another risk factor added into the scenario.

It only needs to happen once, but word will get around, and there will be a question mark against your temperament for the foreseeable future. There are enough reasons to get a black mark against your name for a promotion, but this is one of the hardest to shake. Short of undergoing anger management therapy, people will know that this risk is always going to be there. 

That is often why leaders are pictures of self-control (i.e. they can get angry, but by design, not because of an unplanned emotional outburst). Here you might disagree with me and say that you know many leaders, who fly off the handle. I would question whether they are the most effective managers…. I wouldn’t say so myself, and I have met a few of those types in my career.

If you walk into a meeting with your boss and you see that a client is trying to wind you up, you want to be certain that your boss will keep a cool head. If someone from another department is causing trouble, you know that your boss will rationally and logically de-escalate the situation without collateral damage.

These sorts of bosses are great. They are like a rocky cliff face – no matter what sort of a pounding they take from the sea, they will not budge.

Have you got angry recently when you could have bitten your tongue? How do you think that it looked to others? Do you think that further such episodes could harm your career chances?