Regrets No More

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I’ve spent two years of my life studying in coaching classes. Those two years (back in 2016) were depressing, despite living at home with my parents. Any activity apart from attending coaching classes and self-study used to drown me in a sea of guilt. Thus, no more reading newspaper, no more watching TV for long hours, no more afternoon naps.

Getting up from, and sitting down on, my study chair was the maximum amount of movement my body went through. Things moved pretty fast in coaching class, so falling sick was never an option. And if I did, which I did numerous times (especially in class 12), catching up became a task in itself, partly because of my flawed studying techniques.

And yet, things were easier in class 11 because I manage to stay on top of things and was among the toppers in my class. Things became darker in class 12. Course content suddenly increased and so did competition, and I found it increasingly hard enough to cope. With every drop in my rank, my confidence dwindled. I went into a downward spiral of low scores, an enormous amount of backlog, and a substantially reduced enthusiasm for studies.

Eventually, I did manage to pass the JEE with a rank that was decentish, but nowhere close to what I expected of myself and others expected of me. In fact, after the result, one of my insensitive batch mates who had cracked the exam asked me, “repeat Karne ki toh soch nahi rahi na?”, a question for which I still despise her.

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It must have been impossible for my parents to stay insulted by this crazy atmosphere. This myopia was characteristic of other parents of my parent's generation. Most of them took these life-defining career decisions without giving much thought to their wards’ skills and interests. A lot of them wanted to send their kids to the IITs for bright prospects that “Brand IIT” had come to symbolise.

Though they wanted me to attend a reputable college to further my education, my parents were adamant that I stay in the city. Just living with them is all they ask. Was it their affection for me or a sense of uncertainty about something else that I just didn't get? I had always wanted to attend a government college, but there weren't any in my city, so I had to travel somewhere to enrol in a respectable institution.

I had no other option than to destroy my goal and stop taking advantage of the possibilities I was being given in the end. The greatest regret I have ever had is this.

Ultimately I joined a Private college in my city itself and graduated with good grades and a lot of life experiences, last year. The only option I was left with was to change myself rather than change others. Because of my own personal experience, I've come to the conclusion that harbouring regrets about the past is useless and just causes unhappiness.

So, No More Regrets!

We can’t go back and change the beginning, but we can start where we are and change the ending. -C.S. Lewis