The Regretful Networker

How to Overcome Business Networking Remorse

Recently, I was working in RTP at The Frontier, a local co-working community. I’d been meeting coaching clients there throughout the day and was having a mid-afternoon attack of the munchies. While I was by the vending machines picking out a snack, I ran into Mandy, a woman I’d seen there many times before and had only had polite small talk with in the past. She asked me if I was going to the big business networking event taking place that evening. I said probably not because I had dinner plans with my daughters.

Mandy said she was going because she promised some friends she’d go, and followed up with emphasis, “But I really don’t like networking.” She went on to say she often commits to attend networking events, and then as the event approaches, she regrets having ever agreed to go. She said she gets “networking regret.”

I cannot say I always love networking. Sometimes my introverted side kicks in, and the last thing I want to do is be around a group of people, especially if I don't know them. But I rarely regret having committed to go. It’s a part of the job, and when done correctly and with the right people, business networking can actually be fun and rewarding.

I asked her some more questions about why she feels that way. “What’s your business?”

“I’m an account manager for a human resource outsourcing company,” Mandy answered.

“Where have you been networking?”

She said she's been going to several local networking groups where most of the people in attendance are either single person businesses, real estate agents or some kind of direct marketing company. She said, “As a matter of fact, almost all the business networking I've been doing has been in groups like that.”

I responded with, “Well no wonder you feel regret about committing to these events. They’re all wrong for your business. It's very unlikely you're going to find new clients at the events you’re attending.”

I’m not saying that some of the people she’s engaging with at these events don’t have friends or family that fit the description of who she’s looking to work with. A small handful may at some point and time be able to provide a referral or two. Emphasis on “a small handful”. What I am saying is this: Mandy’s finding the events she attends to be ineffective. A waste of her time. She’s heard others say that networking works, so she sucks it up time and again only to find that, while business networking may work for others, it’s certainly not working for her.

I asked Mandy who her best client to date had been. She said a local contractor with around 15 full-time employees.

“Do you want to work with more contractors?” I asked her.

“Yes, that would be great,” she said.

“Have you met any contractors at the networking groups you’ve been attending?”

“No not really. Maybe the occasional handyman, but not a contractor.”

I may have gotten a little too excited when I said, “Then stop going to those groups!” Luckily, she did smile. I continued. “You’re wasting your time.”

“I don’t know where to go then.” She sounded frustrated.

I went into coaching mode for a minute or two. “I bet if you were to attend some home builders association meetings, you might find some contractors in attendance. You’ll also meet other professionals who are looking to connect with people in the construction industry. They could be good referral sources and even potential referral partners.” I could see Mandy was understanding what I was saying, so I continued.

“You’ll have to put in the work, but it’ll be worth it. Look online for all the home builder association chapters within a 50-mile radius of where your office is and start engaging with them. Attend some events and join one or two. You’ll also want to get involved. Don’t just show up expecting to get business. Make yourself visible, and let people know you’re there.”

I could see a renewed excitement in her face. “I never thought of that. I feel kind of silly now.”

I explained to Mandy that this revelation took some time for me to get to as well, but once I did, it changed my business. She thanked me and promised she’d follow up with me to let me know how her new approach to business networking goes. If Mandy gets laser focused and puts in the work, I know she’ll be successful. When you effectively network where your ideal target client and best referral sources will be, you’re only setting yourself up for success.