Regret is poison. STOP drinking it

I haven't been immune to the feeling of regret and have employed many different ways of dealing with it. Now, I don't regret much. Let’s try and see if I can help you release, if not eliminate the feeling of regret from your emotional bank.

You must have heard the quote Regret is far more traumatizing than fear, and I agree. Regret is quite traumatic. You come across the lists of regrets dying people have and you wish that you would not have those regrets when you would be on your deathbed.

I want to tell you something today. I want you to remove the word regret from your vocabulary.

Let’s try and understand regret.

What is regret?

Regret is the feeling that you did not do a certain thing that you should have done. Regret is also a feeling of having acted incorrectly. Regret is largely an outcome of the reality turning out to be different than you expected. Right?

Now, I am going to give you a bunch of reasons why you should eliminate regret from your thinking.

1. You were a different person yesterday

Regret is always an outcome of hindsight. Regret is an outcome of you having grown beyond what now seems like a mistake. When you took the decision, at the point, it seemed right to you. You were a different person then and you could not have acted differently. You are wiser now but you were not quite wise then. Pardon yourself for who you were. It is a part of the process of you growing up as a human being. 

2. Regret doesn’t help what’s gone

You see, even if you regret what happened, there is no way you can improve what happened. No fucking way. What’s gone is gone. You cannot do anything about it. It’s done and dusted. Everything you regret about is past. There is no way regretting will improve what’s gone. Time that’s gone is gone forever.

3. Act on your present and your future

We started with the thought Regret is far more traumatizing than fear. Now that you understand that what you did or did not do was a mistake, let’s hold the present with renewed knowledge and do something about it. Let’s say you feel that your entire life so far has been a mistake and you have got a week to live. GO OUT AND LIVE THAT WEEK LIKE YOU NEVER DID BEFORE.

4. You want to have lesser regrets? Don’t postpone life

I tell you what. I got depressed in 2007 because I was pressed by a mountain of regret over decisions I made in my life till then. I felt so many things went wrong. I felt I was responsible for my life was in shambles and trust me, at that point, my life wasn’t even in shambles. I was in a great phase of life but I got myself depressed.

But yes, I agree that I should have taken many decisions differently. I should have done a lot of things differently. If you ask me and give me an opportunity, I will live my entire childhood and 20’s differently. But, can I?

5. Don’t live backwards. Live forwards

I don’t care how old you are. I am 36. You see, it doesn’t matter now what kind of life have you had so far and what you have done with it. If you think you have been wrong, what’s important is that you realise it and you change things beginning now- starting now. You could be in your 20’s or 30’s or 40’s or 50’s. I don’t care.

You can’t do anything about the years gone by. Your parents may have been wrong but so be it. They tried the best they could in raising you. You may have been out of resource or knowledge or wisdom or money or anything else you needed to take the decisions you should have taken to lead a happier life.

You can’t change that. You can’t bring what’s gone.

6. Live differently. Starting NOW

I quit my job at 34 without any idea about where my next bunch of money was coming from. I had no clue. However, I felt that if I wanted to EVER have a shot at freedom and happiness, values I want to live my life with, the time was NOW or NEVER.

I can’t do anything about the series of things I did till I was 34 to try and lead a happy life. I failed over and over. I made several mistakes but I can’t do anything about those mistakes now. Regretting will not help.

I was dumb as a child and as a 20 something guy. I was fucking dumb.

I admit this for myself. You decide for yourself.

7. On your deathbed, die with a feeling of a life of no regrets

You know what’s most killing? It’s not regrets. IT’S THE FEELING THAT YOU REALISED THAT YOU WERE WRONG AND YOU DID NOT DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT. That’s killing.

It is okay to be wrong in life and to make mistakes. It is okay. What is not okay is not doing anything about those wrongs. It is not okay to continue to kill yourself inside when you know that your life lies elsewhere and not in the lanes you walk every day.

If there is one message you want to take away from this post, it is this-STOP REGRETTING AND START LIVING.

I want you to live a life without regrets. You were not as wise yesterday. Make the most of what you have learnt from your mistakes and start living, my friend.

Much love,

Amar

amarvani.in