Regret Mini Series #2

So where were we?

Last month, we launched the first edition of the Regret Mini-Series Newsletter, unpacking months of research into regret and sparking lively discussions among many of you.?

The feedback was clear: while we all want to reframe our relationship with regret, figuring out how remains a challenge.

With that said, let’s revisit our survey findings and extract some actionable insights to help us live better with regret.

Original Survey Questions:

???Does regret impact your life?

???What’s your biggest regret?

???Have you learned a valuable lesson from regret?

???In five words or less, what would your life look like without regret?

???What advice would you give to a loved one to help them avoid regret?

The Regret Monster

To use a metaphor (as I love to do), what if instead of viewing regret as a monster that needs to be caught in a net and catapulted into deep space, we treated regret like a rescue pup (just go with me here); a vulnerable creature that with the right mindset can actually be embraced and nurtured, so that ultimately we create a relationship that can help guide and lead us towards personal growth and transformation? (Insert couple who upon showing you their rescue dog called Regret and say “We didn’t choose him, he chose us”).

One survey respondent put it brilliantly: “Lessons are greater than regret.” This suggests that the lessons learned from regret can significantly outweigh its burdens.

Transforming Regret

How do we transform the regret monster into a rescue pup, uncovering the lessons within? It starts with our response.

In my twenties, I got stuck saying yes to a disrespectful coworker (Hey Matt), over and over. My happiness was affected, I became completely disengaged and felt inferior to Matt and everyone else in my life. My short-term fix? Launching the regret of not sticking up for myself (my Regret Monster) into outer space. Out of sight, right? Wrong. It just orbited out of my vision, growing and? becoming stronger.??

The next time Matt asked me to help them in a way that was rude and disrespectful, I said yes even quicker. The outcome was not just the same as the first time, but in fact even worse.?

Although this went on for a while, the real game-changer came when I stopped running and started learning from these moments. I was slowly changing my regret cycle.

Typical Regret Cycle:

?1.?Action: You agree to an unfair task at work, despite already being overwhelmed.

?2.?Outcome: You struggle, feeling underappreciated and overwhelmed.

?3.?Response: Frustration builds, leading to feelings of worthlessness.

?4.?Pattern: You vow to avoid such situations at any cost, which limits your interactions and dims your inner light.

This cycle illustrates how regret can spiral and affect us long-term. But what if we change our approach?

Breaking the Cycle:

Instead of catapulting the regret monster into space, let’s sit with it and learn. By understanding our actions and responses through thoughtful questioning, we can turn regret into a tool for personal growth.

Questions to Ponder:

???What emotion am I feeling?

???Why do I feel this way?

???What triggered my response?

???What is my role in this situation?

???If I could redo this, what would I change?

With deep thought, the answers to these questions allow understanding, compassion and perspective, ultimately empowering us to realize that we are not bystanders to what happened, but instead active participants.

And if we can realize that we got ourselves into this situation, we can realize that we can also get ourselves out.

In my example with Matt, I slowly realized that I didn’t enforce any of my boundaries, in a general work environment that with evaluation I began to see as toxic and uninspiring to me. As such, I slowly started to speak up and stand my ground, causing Matt to curb his behavior. Building self worth back over time, I then realized that working at a liquor store as a 22 year old was not the direction I wanted to take and I left. That’s another story!

Take Action on Lessons Learned:

Although change may seem challenging, it often can be as simple as reversing the action that caused regret in the first place:?

???Regret not trusting your instincts? Next time, trust your gut.

???Wish you had spoken up? Make a point to voice your opinion.

???Skipped a commitment? Commit and follow through next time.

If you’re reading this now and there is a regret monster that you can identify, find a few minutes to consider some of the above questions and see if you can identify any actions or realizations that may allow you to begin appreciating the regret as a lesson.

Feel compelled to take action or even reply to this email with your thoughts or questions, please hit reply now and shoot me a note. I’ll get back to you quickly.

Conclusion:

As we wrap up this second of three Regret Mini Series Newsletters, let’s embrace our regrets not as burdens but as teachers. They hold valuable lessons that, with the right mindset, can lead to significant personal transformation. Next month, we’ll continue to explore how we can turn regrets from haunting memories into stepping stones for growth.

Stay tuned, and let’s keep learning from our regrets together.