Regina & The Voices In My Head

Welcome to my weekly blog about life, work, and adventure at 40 & 50+, and the lessons learned along the way. (Scroll down to read the blog.)?

If this is your first time reading this blog, welcome. As the former co-founder of a pro-age women’s community, recognized Influencer in Aging by Next Avenue magazine, and Facebook Community Accelerator alum, I launched this blog to share personal insights gathered from my journey through middlescence to encourage us to be a little more empathetic and curious about people of all ages. You never know what someone else is going through unless you care enough to ask. Start asking.

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Dear Middlescent,

I’ve got a confession to make, and it isn’t pretty. ?

I was in the car driving to CareerCon, a SecondActWomen event, this past weekend, and I couldn’t shake overwhelming bouts of anxiety, envy, and self-doubt. The feelings were all-consuming. When I arrived at the venue, I just sat there. I couldn’t get out of my car.

Some of you may be asking…Why is she wigging out over an event? CareerCon, formerly known as Career Camp, was the event I planned last year that we had to reschedule because of low ticket sales. It was originally my baby. And, it was the first major event I would be attending…as a guest, not as a SecondActWomen co-founder.

Outright nasty talk.

As I sat in my parked car, my head was spewing out nasty comments like Regina George from Mean Girls on auto-play. “You don’t belong here, you’re not a co-founder anymore.” “Aren’t you going to be embarrassed that you’re not on stage with her?” “CareerCon is a success; she doesn’t need you as much as you think she does.”

To say I was a train wreck haphazardly hurling down the track was an understatement. I was frozen. I had to reclaim my thoughts and quiet the noise. ?

So, there I sat in the quietness of my car for 20 minutes. With every breath, I worked on quieting my limiting beliefs, anchoring myself in positive thoughts, setting my intentions, and beckoning the best version of myself to surface.

Bam. “It’s now or never. Get out of the car, and start walking toward the front door.” ?

“You’ve got this. Breathe. Just breathe.”

And then this happened.

I opened the front door and Bonnie C. Schutz, PACE ?? , a dear SecondActWomen friend, greeted me with the biggest and warmest smile and hug that made my heart and all the false insecurities I had conjured up instantly melt away.

Sigh. “What was I thinking?”

CareerCon was magical. Barbara Brooks ?? , my ex-work wife, teed up an amazing conference that brought together equally amazing presenters and women over 40 together under one roof to learn, laugh, and level up.

As I sat in the back as a guest, I thanked God for this experience. I thanked Him for the ability to show up to support a dear friend, the courage to face my insecurities, and the reminder that our past experiences are stepping stones to our future.

But getting to this point, was rough. Have you ever decided it was easier to not show up to something? I could have easily made up an excuse not to attend CareerCon. The conference would have gone on without me, and it all would have been okay.

Right? Wrong.

In situations like this, you don’t know what you miss out on if you don’t show up. Every experience, encounter or situation is one of two things: A learning or a teaching moment. But you first have to show up.

If I would have listened to Regina’s voice in my head, I would have missed out on showing up for my girl, my personal growth moment, reconnecting with fabulous women, and all the amazing tips and insights shared by the presenters. How sad would that have been? Real sad.

But the truth is, I’m positive there will be tons of situations like this one. Some I will handle the same way I did this one. And others, I’ll probably mishandle. Regardless, the decision and the outcome are on me. No one else. Not even Regina. Me.

At 49, I am and forever will be a work-in-progress. I am learning, re-scripting, and stretching myself to become the best human I can be. Am I perfect? Nope. Will I stumble? Yup. But sometimes, all it takes is having faith, and showing up for you, and for those you love.