Regerts, I've Had a Few...

You have all seen the commercial. A guy is getting a tattoo and the woman who is doing the work is having a lapse in concentration. The result is a permanent spelling error that could have been completely avoided if only the woman had paused to eat a Snickers bar before she started the job.

In that commercial, both parties ultimately experienced regret- the man for deciding to get the tattoo and the woman for losing her focus.

Having regrets is an essential component of life. Everybody has them, regardless of what they might say. I am reminded of a Kinky Friedman quote in which the Kinkster stated, “There are two kinds of people in the world- people who pee in the shower and people who lie about it.” The same is true for regrets. Some people boldly state, “I have no regrets.” I never believe that. Even Sinatra admitted to having a few (but then again, too few to mention).

The idea for this article came the other afternoon while I was walking the dogs. Something that I had heard when I was very young flashed into my head: Before you die, your whole life flashes before your eyes. When I was young, I took that aphorism literally. I thought that in my final moments, a movie of my life would march past my dimming eyes.

Since then, I have come to realize that the statement was a metaphor, not a literal one. After all, how many people on their way out have been thoughtful enough to remark, “Het, my life is passing before my eyes. This is pretty cool!”

Not many, if any.

What has happened to me is that on a regular basis my mind revisits things from the past. My memory is in the context of the age I was when the thing(s) happened. My response to the events and the memory from my earlier years is formed by the present mind, which is why you can think, “Boy, that was stupid. What was I thinking?”

Truth is, I was thinking with my mind of that period and in that context, without the luxury of ten, twenty-five years’ worth of gained insight. I probably did the best I could with the information I had.

And now it’s time to point out the difference between a regret and a “What if…”.?The first includes a genuine remorse for your actions while the second is simply an idle exercise.

Every event in your life- personal or professional- is a learning opportunity. Regrets arise when you do not learn from key events. Let me be very clear: You are going to screw up from time to time. How you handle your screw ups is what is important.

At seventy-seven, I am a much better human being than I have ever been. My biggest regret is that it took me so long to learn the lessons I needed to learn to get where I am today. As a result of my inability to learn quickly, I am living alone in a little house with two dogs and a cat. One of my sons loves me and one has told me that I am responsible for every bad thing that has happened in the world since 1988.

My regrets are not related to my current situation. My situation could not be better. I have a wonderful group of neighbors. I work for an excellent company that treats me with respect. I have earned a great reputation and have achieved the highest level of recognition within my field, so I ain’t complaining.

My regrets center around the people I have hurt by my immature behavior in years past- people who paid the price for my childishness. At my age, most of the people I have hurt are dead, so there’s not much use crying over that spilt milk. As for the ones that are still around- if I have apologized to you, you know. If I haven’t, two things: Either I haven’t been able to find you, or I don’t regret what I did (you don’t have to feel bad about everything you have done in your life just because some folks didn’t like it).

Where is this post going?

Here: Think about what you do before you do it. Think about the things you have done that had undesired outcomes or consequences. Learn from them so you don’t repeat them. Make amends when you can and live with the results of your actions.

If you’re lucky, you’ll course-correct before you hit seventy-seven.

Good Luck.