Reframing Rejection | Be a Better Lawyer

As lawyers, we're no strangers to challenges. But there's one hurdle that can stop even the most seasoned attorneys in their tracks: rejection. Today, we're going to tackle this fear head-on and learn how to transform it from a roadblock into a stepping stone for success.

Understanding Rejection: The Two Types

When we talk about rejection, it's crucial to recognize that it comes in two forms:

1. External rejection: When someone actually says "no" to us.

2. Internal rejection: When we say "no" to ourselves before giving anyone else the chance.

Both types can be equally paralyzing, but understanding them is the first step to overcoming them.

The Psychology of Rejection

Our brains are wired to avoid pain at all costs, and rejection registers as emotional pain. This is why we often go to great lengths to avoid situations where we might be rejected. But here's the thing: avoidance holds you back from reaching your full potential.

The Impact of Fear on Your Practice

Let's be clear: allowing fear of rejection to rule your decisions is a surefire way to stunt your growth. It's impossible to create the life and law practice you want when you're ruled by this fear.

Remember, as long as you let any type of fear control you, you can't:

- Grow your practice

- Set up your practice for smooth operations

- Create harmony between your work and personal life

The Ripple Effect of Fear

Fear of rejection doesn't just affect your professional life; it seeps into every aspect of your being. It can lead to:

• putting off important tasks
• reluctance to network or attend industry events
• settling for less than you deserve in various aspects of your life (including your rates)
• a general feeling of lack of fulfillment in your career
• and so much more

Common Areas Where Rejection Fear Surfaces

In my coaching practice, I've noticed three primary areas where lawyers frequently encounter fear of rejection:

1. Raising rates

2. Promoting services

3. Asking for something (like a raise, office space, or time off)

Let's dive into each of these areas and explore how to reframe our thinking.

1. Selling and Promoting Your Services

Many lawyers feel uncomfortable promoting their services, fearing they'll be seen as "icky" or pushy. But here's a powerful reframe:

Selling is service.

When you don't share your services, you're actually doing a disservice to potential clients who need your help. By not selling, you're being selfish - thinking more about your discomfort than about the people who need your expertise.

Reframe:

"When I share what I do, I open up opportunities for others to see possibilities they may have never considered before."

2. Raising Your Rates

Raising rates can feel scary. You might worry that clients will leave, that you'll never get another client, or that people will think negatively of you. But undercharging is a disservice to both you and your clients.

Reframe:

"When I up-level, my clients up-level. By raising my rates, I increase the value of my entire practice and fuel my business adequately."

Remember, your confidence level increases when you charge what you're worth, and confident lawyers attract better clients.

3. Asking for What You Want

Whether it's asking for a raise, a corner office, or time off, fear of rejection often holds us back from making these requests.

Reframe:

"Asking for what I want is an act of self-respect. Even if the answer is no, I'm honoring myself by advocating for my needs."

The Power of Reframing Rejection

Rejection isn't always a bad thing. In fact, it can often be a gift in disguise.

Let me share a powerful story from Jamie Kern Lima, founder of IT Cosmetics:

Jamie was pitching her cosmetics company to investors when she was down to her last dollar. One potential investor told her, "I just don't think people are going to buy cosmetics from someone who looks like you."

It would have been easy to take this personally and give up because he was specifically referencing her weight and appearance.

Instead, Jamie reframed this rejection as protection.

She realized that if she had accepted an investment from this person, she would have given away a significant portion of her company. By persevering through multiple rejections, she eventually landed a spot on QVC, which catapulted her business to success. IT Cosmetics was later sold to L'Oreal for $1.2 billion!

The key takeaway? Rejection can be protection. It can steer you away from the wrong opportunities and guide you towards the right ones.

Moving Forward: Embracing Rejection

As you move forward in your practice, I challenge you to:

1. Look back at past rejections and reframe them as wins

2. View rejection as a step towards where you're meant to be, not as a reflection of your worth

Remember, the universe often knows better than we do what's in store for us. Trust the process and keep moving forward.

Developing Rejection Resilience

Building resilience to rejection is like building a muscle – it takes consistent practice.

Here are some exercises to help:

1. Set a rejection goal: Aim to get rejected a certain number of times each week. This helps desensitize you to the fear.

This is a pro-tip from Sara Blakely (Founder of billion dollar company Spanx) who shares a story of her dad asking her about her fails each day after school to promote her taking action and growing resilience.

2. Celebrate rejections: Treat each "no" as a step closer to your eventual "yes."

3. Keep a rejection journal: Write down each rejection and what you learned from it.

What will you do differently next time?

4. Practice self-compassion: Be kind to yourself when you face rejection. It's a normal part of growth.

It's an act of courage to make an ask. Be proud of yourself for taking action to get what you want. A lot of people don't even try.

From Fear to Freedom

Overcoming the fear of rejection is not about never feeling afraid. It's about feeling the fear and taking action anyway. As you practice reframing rejection and taking bold steps in your practice, you'll find that the fear loses its grip on you.

Remember, every successful lawyer has faced rejection countless times. The difference in their success is how they choose to respond to them.

Will you let rejection hold you back, or will you use it as a springboard to propel you forward?

Building resilience is one tool that will help you take your law practice to the next level.

If you want help learning this skill and so many more to help you build your practice, I'm here to help.

Book a strategy session with me at dinacataldo.com/strategysession, and let's create a plan to build the practice of your dreams.

Have you faced rejection in your legal career that turned out to be a blessing in disguise?

Share your story in the comments below.

Your experience could be the inspiration another lawyer needs to take that next big step in their career.

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Dina

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How Dina Can Help You

Dina Cataldo is a leading legal industry expert, master certified coach, speaker, and host of the popular podcast “Be a Better Lawyer.”

She helps lawyers take control of their lives and law practices by helping them remove obstacles to growth and create time freedom and peace. These skills allow lawyers to build their practices with more ease than they ever imagined possible.

Dina's insights and advice have been featured on various prominent platforms. She's spoken at the Alabama State Bar Annual Meeting, on podcasts like “Law Firm Autopilot” and “Maximum Lawyer Podcast,” and more.

Through her coaching and speaking, Dina has positively impacted the lives of thousands of lawyers, helping them manage their time, overcome overwhelm, boost self-confidence, and find fulfillment in their legal careers.

Her empathetic and strategic approach has made her a sought-after coach among partners, solo practitioners, and boutique firm owners.

Dina Cataldo is a trailblazer in the legal industry, and she continues to inspire and empower big hearted female lawyers, to achieve professional success and personal fulfillment.

To book a call with her to learn more about working with her one-on-one to build your practice with ease instead of overwhelm, go to dinacataldo.com/strategysession.