Reframe and Restart

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Story Time

My coachee Oscar was struggling in his relationship with his manager.

On the one hand the manager gave him a lot of responsibility and accountability. He was the lead or the key contributor to many strategic projects. Yet, my coachee also felt as if he was being taken for granted by his manager. The manager didn't seem to care about my coachee's needs, availability or energy levels when he delegated.

This mixed messaging had left Oscar confused and debilitated. He has substantial decision making power and teams and budget to create business impact. Yet he felt stuck and unable to move.

To support further understanding of the situation, which can lead to deeper awareness and focused action - I introduced Oscar to the concept of 'Dialectics'.

Dialectics are those places where two seemingly opposite things are true at the very same time.

“I am both excited and afraid…This moment is full of both joy and sadness.” Dialectics are around us, all the time, and they can be quite difficult to hold onto, downright slippery at times.

In his book, Buddha’s Brain, psychologist Rick Hanson, states: “Our brains are Teflon for the good and Velcro for the bad.” It turns out that our default setting, for reasons that are largely evolutionary in nature, is to hold more tightly to that which is negative and painful. Honoring the knowledge that our default setting is to focus on the negative, affords us the opportunity to consciously choose to end the struggle with our own wishful thinking. As spiritual teacher, Byron Katie, says, “When I argue with reality, I lose, but only 100% of the time.”

As Oscar became aware of the dichotomy and perhaps his propensity to undervalue the good and overvalue the bad, he felt unstuck and equipped to hold a crucial conversation with his manager.

I invite you to be on the lookout for the both/and places within you. Accepting and embracing the fullness of you opens the door to accepting and embracing the fullness of yourself and those whom you value.

Sometimes though it's tough to reach this space by ourselves. And thats where having a sounding board can help. Intrigued? Book an exploratory call with me here.

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What am I learning?

Many of us are facing a complex set of emotions and thoughts as we live in an uncertain world of a pandemic that hasn't truly ended, an ongoing war and potentially fatal attacks on those who make a living by speaking their mind like Salman Rushdie.

Here are a complex set of emotions we can face - may be you relate to a few :

• Some fear about the future
• Some regret about what remains undone
• Some doubt about our readiness to enter the next phase
• Some sadness about how things were
• Some confusion about where we should go next
• Some envy about what others have that we don't

When we have too many unaddressed emotions that we feel over a long period of time, we tend to languish. Languishing is the pervasive feeling of blah-ness that dulls your motivation. The feeling can follow you throughout your day. It holds you back from the flourishing life you want.

So how do you RESTART?

The word itself has a clue

RESTART = REST + ART

REST : Yes plenty of sleep or time out in the nature without gadgets or reconnecting deeply with those we value

ART : Paintings or sculpture and museums for some, books or movies for others

Joy does not depend on the prevailing narrative or social media proclaims as 'the' thing to do. Only you can know and feel whats joyful for you. Its woethwhile to invest your time and energy in deciphering your personal definition of both REST and ART.

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What am I teaching?

Do you want to…

• Learn where emotions come from and how to change them?
• Eliminate negative stories that impede conversations and results?
• Share tough messages in a way that invites others into the conversation?
• Take steps to rebuild safety when others get defensive?
• Move from healthy dialogue to taking action and achieving results?

If you said YES to the above, this is the course for you!

Register here: https://www.xponential.ch/crucial-conversations-for-mastering-dialogue-2022

Early bird prices are very attractive, so register at the soonest.

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Meet me in person at the following Upcoming Events

Register as a Mentor or Register as a Mentee.

Register as a Mentor or Register as a Mentee.

Join us live on 26th August 11AM CET onwards.

Join us live on 2nd September 2PM CET onwards.