Reflections on Reading Sean Kelly’s The Game

As a corporate leader, I spent many years reflecting on leadership and attended countless leadership courses, including ones on the importance of having what many call ‘soft skills’ (though having a hard edge where circumstances demand), Daniel Goleman calls ‘emotional intelligence’, Simon Sinek calls ‘human skills’[i], and I call ‘relationship/conversational skills’.

As I observe Scott Morrison’s style of leadership through the lens of Sean Kelly in his excellent book, I pondered how many leaders (including me) action all those qualities of leadership we may espouse in our thinking and speaking, such as emotional self-awareness, adaptability, empathy, organisational awareness, coaching, inspiring, teamwork, and conflict management (to take a few of Daniel Goleman’s twelve competencies of emotional intelligence[ii]).

There is the broader question of what qualities we expect from a leader in a given context, or do we even care. For example, in the case of a Prime Minister such as Scott Morrison, are we okay so long as we believe he is ‘speaking to us’ as one of his ‘quiet Australians’ or is delivering for us in terms of ‘lower taxes’, ‘border protection’, and ‘jobs for the future’.

We will all have our answers. What Sean Kelly does for me is cause me to ask:

• For the sake of what am I having this opinion?
• From what standards am I having this opinion?

Informing our answers will be two interrelated aspects of our way of being that stick out in Sean Kelly’s book, ’authenticity’ and ‘ambition’. What do they mean? I encourage you to read and reflect on what they may mean for Scott Morrison through the lens of Sean Kelly, and in that reading reflect on what they mean for you. What do they mean for me?

Authenticity

Combining a few dictionary definitions, ‘authenticity’ is ‘the quality of being real, true, trustworthy, or genuine’. These are vague concepts, not giving us any clues as to authenticity in action—what is going on with us when we are acting ‘authentically’.

A quick search brought up a definition more meaningful for me:

Individuals considered authentic are those who strive to align their actions with their core values and beliefs with the hope of discovering, and then acting in sync with, their true selves. When people act in ways that violate their self-concept, they may experience negative feelings, ranging from mild discomfort to heavy guilt. Psychology Today

This definition raises several questions for me:

• Do I understand my core values and beliefs?
• Do I strive to act in accordance with that understanding?
• What do I experience when I fall short?
• Am I even aware when I fall short?
• Do I take on board others’ assessments of me falling short?
• Do I let myself be vulnerable, acknowledging I may have fallen short, and where applicable declaring in clear and unambiguous terms, Sorry?

I am no saint. Though I am clear on one memory, its lesson still deeply embedded in me. At age 12, I kicked a football through a closed window in a classroom. I lied to a teacher about how the window was broken. After a sleepless night, I fessed up the next day. I had violated my ‘self-concept’, experiencing ‘negative feelings, ranging from mild discomfort to heavy guilt’. I still feel that as I write this.

We are often asked to ponder how we would like to feel on our deathbed. I know one thing. I want to minimise my sleepless nights arising from not living my ‘core values’ and knowing when I experienced a sleepless night (and there have been many) if I fell short, I immediately acknowledged it and cleared the air with those involved through conversation.

I see clearing the air as showing respect for those my actions affected.

What is your experience with ‘authenticity’, your own and of others?

Ambition

Lexico’s definition of ambition—‘desire and determination to achieve success’—raises how we go about our ambition (‘desire and determination’) and what we aim to do by our efforts (‘achieve success’).

Desire and determination

I interpret ambition as opening ourselves to possibilities as they arise and saying, Why not? Like the voyage in CP Cavafy’s poem Ithaka, the journey to Ithaka is full of adventure and discovery. I relish the journey, even if I do not reach Ithaka.

Others may be more focused on reaching their Ithaka—their specific goal, such as scoring a century in cricket, becoming a lawyer in as short a time as possible, or becoming Prime Minister. It is easy to understand how setting a goal is productive in terms of time, focus, and achievement. My caution is to avoid tunnel vision by being so focused on our goal that we may close ourselves to:

• Other possibilities, including failing to observe a range of skills we possess beyond those required for a particular career goal.
• Being authentic in the sense I discussed above.

We may also consider ourselves a failure if we do not achieve a goal, notwithstanding that many factors that are relevant to reaching it are often out of our control. We may fail to notice our many wins along the way. For example, a person with an ambition to be Prime Minister may achieve a lot for their communities and more broadly, Australia, in other roles.

This leads to how we may achieve joy in our ambition.?I see this in having our ambition grounded in hope in the sense espoused by Václav Havel, a Czech writer, dissident, and first President of the Czech Republic. To Havel, hope is born from our heart, relishing the process because what we are doing feels worthwhile, no matter how it turns out. Hope gives us strength to experiment with possibilities.[iii] ??

How do you see your desire and determination?

Achieving Success

Do you want to be successful? Why? It’s astounding how a simple ‘why’ leaves people speechless. [iv]

?When I heard these words, I sat up. The character in the television series Bad Banks nailed it. How often do we step back and test our opinion of success? How often do we ask:

• For the sake of what am I having this opinion?
• From what standards am I having this opinion?

These are powerful questions, bringing up questions as to where we find our success. Is it in:

• our relationships (family, workplace, friends)
• our children’s 'success'
• our wealth (houses, cars, overseas trips)
• our honours/awards (receiving an Order of Australia or an award for best teacher/lawyer/employee)
• our fame (being a social influencer, the number of social media connections and hits)
• our expertise (being the go-to person to be interviewed on a particular topic, or sought after by clients)
• being a tireless helper (at the school canteen or for a charity)?

And for a Prime Minister, is it taking on the role of leadership and acting in the service of all Australians, relishing the process because what they are doing feels worthwhile, no matter how it turns out (i.e., lose the next election)?

These are difficult questions.

I would love to hear your thoughts. Cheers, Bill Ash

[i] Simon Sinek, There's No Such Thing as "Soft Skills", LinkedIn, https://www.dhirubhai.net/feed/update/urn:li:activity:6785052836100100096/, viewed 20 November 2021.

[ii] Daniel Goleman, The Twelve Competencies of Emotional Intelligence, 30 June 2021, https://www.dhirubhai.net/pulse/twelve-competencies-emotional-intelligence-daniel-goleman/, viewed 20 November 2021.

[iii] Václav Havel (Paul Wilson, translated), Disturbing the Peace: A Conversation with Karel Hví?d?ala, Alfred A. Knopf, 1990, pp. 181, 2.

[iv] My memory of a line by a character in Bad Banks, a 2018 German-Luxembourgian television series.