Reflections on The Psilocybin Mushroom Initiation

I’m reflecting on the wild ride the mushrooms have taken me on these last couple of years. Most of this writing is so I can be reminded of the truth when I forget (often). This is what the mushrooms (life?) seem to ask for and reward:

Sacrifice. Dedication. Courage. Constant introspection. Brutal honesty. Generosity. Service. Compassion. Faith. Love. Surrender. Humility. Gratitude. Determination. Softness.

Willingness to put our reputations on the line, risk failure, speak the truth, admit hypocrisies, speak for the powerless, go without, give away, share, shed, listen.

Sometimes, I really don’t want to see the truth. It’s too painful to see the endless inconsistencies in my life. The selfishness and pride and self centeredness. It’s difficult to feel everyone’s pain in this sad westernized society. But whenever I commune with the medicine, the resistances drop, and it entrusts me with more work. The more I give up, the more comes my way. It seems I’m never ready and I’m always doubting myself, but when I have faith in the vast intelligence of the mushroom kingdom, the more everything flows easily. When I get out the way, life seems to know what to do. The less I think and the more I simply follow the vision and dissolve in it, the happier I am and the more gets done.

It’s not easy. I still resist everyday. I have internal conflicts. Cognitive dissonance. It’s an endless surrender and opening. Facing all the shadows and pain and suffering. Growth can be scary. I question everything. I seem to be quite slow and unintelligent now. Maybe that’s how it was since the beginning and just my perception was mistaken. I used to think I had all the answers. I was always right. Now I see I’ve been wrong my whole life about most things. It’s been a humbling process.

I only pray for faith to stay close to the mushroom. Sometimes I stray thinking I know best. Sometimes I don’t want to face the tears and frustration and rage. I’d rather stay numb and keep running away. But the mushrooms are always here for me. They are soft and wise and loving. Words cannot express my gratitude for the way the mushrooms have helped me grow into a man.

Of course the work is never done. It always feels like the beginning. I’ve never accomplished anything and I don’t think I ever will. May I always point to the mushroom and never to myself as the cause of any success. May I always bow to the masters. May I always take the blame when anything goes wrong instead of pointing fingers. May I always have compassion for those who speak against.

May I always be open to the infinite lessons life continues to pour into my life.

May the mushrooms be victorious. May they confuse and humble all those who think they know. May they continue growing and healing the planet, always and forever.