Reflections.

I was just reflecting on my whole anxiety situation, and I realized one thing about myself that I have been an overachiever all my life.

From wanting to top the school to get a rank in the history department. I have always thrived in positions of responsibility because I am someone who loves to work rather than spend my hours watching Netflix or chitchatting about others.

Now don't get me wrong, I don't mean to say that people who enjoy other things are not doing great things, for me investing my energy in exploring new things makes me feel alive.

But during my gap for UPSC CSE, I did not have room to invest my energy, I was solely reading and re-reading the same texts and that gave me FOMO, I felt stuck, I would see my friends from school and college progressing in their careers but I was just sitting in front of the same books for days altogether.

There was no growth, I felt worthless.

Since my energy was not channelized I developed massive anxiety.

But now that I have moved away from it all, and now that I am channelizing my energy to meaningful tasks, ik it is only a matter of time before I will have it all.

Now people say don't equate yourself with the work that you do. But, I am not one of those who can sit aimlessly for long. I need something to channelize my energy on otherwise, anxiety kicks in and then there's a massive downward spiral.