Reflections on Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss

As a quota carrying sales person, negotiation is at the heart of my career. My current and previous employers have spent buckets of money on negotiation and sales training for my teammates and me as a means of adding structure to the enterprise sales function. Otherwise, this career can devolve into an exercise in improvisation; using different strategies with different accounts based on our gut instincts. I believe most sales leaders would agree that consistent and disciplined behaviors based on process and theory, not instinct alone, are the key to beating the market. 

I get the impression sometimes that my friends who aren't in sales think that this job gets done at the steakhouse or on the golf course. I agree that those are venues where trusting relationships can grow; but this isn't a game of EQ and high fives alone. In my modest career, I've had the privilege to work with some amazing sales people. Hell, I'm even married to one. While they each are charismatic, I believe it is their gall and boldness which helps them crush the number. They're not afraid to have hard conversations and ask tough questions. 

This is what drew to me to Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss. He's a former FBI hostage negotiator...talk about having hard conversations! Chris is the founder and CEO of the Black Swan Group where he has taken methodologies from the world of hostage negotiation and applied them to the private sector. His book Never Split the Difference is widely regarded as a unique angle in corporate negotiation tactics. My friend Jeffrey Khadavi recommended this book, and he happens to be among the most thoughtful and successful friends I have, so I thank him for introducing me to this read.

Chris's book is ten chapters long and each one is filled with brilliant nuggets that I won't reference all at once. For those sincerely interested, I found this great Github summary of pertinent lessons here that I encourage you to read. But I'll share the lessons that stuck most with me.

To begin, I think the difference between Chris's guidance and the majority of sales training courses I've taken in the past is that Chris speaks at a very human level. He forced me to look at my pipeline, not as structured B2B sales cycles, but as a collection of human beings who need something beyond the software I am selling. Most conversations about "personal value" in sales training stop when a buyer says "Oh I'm looking for recognition or promotion or a bonus if the project goes well." As sellers, we check the "personal value" block on our information gathering agenda and feel confident that we've understood the human being behind the table. But Chris takes it deeper, as you might expect when negotiating with someone who has their finger on a trigger, ready to blow an innocent person's head open. Here are some ways he does this: 

Labeling

In any negotiation, both buyer and seller come to the table with emotional needs that ultimately drive our behaviors, regardless of our company policies or needs: perhaps apathy, or even confrontation. There are two levels to one's emotions, Chris states: the presenting behavior, and the underlying emotions which drive the presenting behavior. Labeling is the practice of attaching words to the other person's underlying emotions in a tactical manner which diffuses the sting or awkwardness of releasing those emotions to the world. With labeling, we turn our counterpart's feelings into words, and then respectfully repeat their emotions back to them. We get a sense of what's driving their behavior and their decision making process. But to get to that label, Chris acknowledges that responding with the word "I" (as in, "I sense that you feel...", or "I get the impression that...") can often backfire. The phrasing of "I" can make a person feel judged or that one is only self-interested. This may close the door on a person's willingness to affirm that we've identified the right label. Chris teaches us to use a third party assessment to prod on the label's accuracy: "It seems that/looks like/etc". 

I've used this tactic in several negotiations both in my professional and personal life and, I have been impressed. He gets this right.

Create the Illusion of Control

Being in control is different than feeling in control. Giving a counterpart the illusion of control often eases their inhibitions to share information that they might not otherwise have felt comfortable exposing. Chris teaches us to create the illusion of control in our counterparts by using calibrating questions. Sales trainers often call these "Probing questions" or "open-ended questions" that cannot be answered with "yes" and "no". Rather, they encourage the counterpart to speak freely about what's truly on their mind, and continue sharing as much information as possible as they calibrate their position. 

But in many cases, a "yes" or "no" is indeed required. A common misconception in sales is that if we get our customer on a role by answering "yes" to a list of questions, we'll get them to ultimately say "yes" to a final big ask. Telemarketers do this all the time. They ask a bunch of easy questions that anyone would obviously agree to, and hope we slide right into a purchase. But Chris finds this fascinatingly juvenile. He stipulates that it is actually the word NO which gives someone a sense of being in control. When someone says "no", they are in charge. They are not complying, but enforcing. They have control and they feel like the gatekeeper to forward progress in the conversation. Some simple ways to provide the illusion of control are to ask simple questions at the beginning of a conversation that often trigger "no" responses..."Is now a bad time to talk?" "Are we having this meeting pre-maturely? Perhaps you need more time?" "Do you need anyone else in the room for us to proceed?" Of course, sometimes the answer is "yes"...until it's finally "no". 

Find the Black Swan

This is probably the most important and also the most simple concept in the book...yet the hardest to achieve. In any negotiation, both sides will maintain data points that they will not share with the other. Each side tries to assume what the other is holding close to their chests. But, a Black Swan is the absolute unexpected and irrationally unlikely data point that, when finally introduced into the negotiation, changes the game completely. Chris stipulates that finding the Black Swan is the key to a successful negotiation. They exist in every dialogue, but finding them--even conceiving of them--is difficult. This is because our conventional wisdom teaches us to confirm our "known knowns", and pursue "known unknowns". But we don't instinctively look for "unknown unknowns". We treat circumstances through the lenses of our prior experiences. Starting from a fresh mental state in each negotiation, temporarily shedding one's previous experiences, is the skill which allows one to see the unobtrusive factors in a deal which no one else can see.

I do believe this is a fantastic and valuable read for anyone who works in sales, business development, law, or who is generally negotiating on a daily basis. I have already incorporated many of these lessons into my practice, and I am confident that they have made me a better account manager for my own company, as well as a better advocate for my customers as I negotiate for them internally. Thanks and let me know how you like it!