Reflections on my love affair with culture – becoming more mindful in my interactions

Back in 2017 when my university announced that I would go to China as a Fulbright Scholar, they wrote a lovely piece about my passion for intercultural learning and my love of Chinese culture (you can read it below). The excitement of this career-long dream about to unfold was intoxicating and I was looking forward to learning alongside Chinese students once again.

However exhilarating such an adventure might be (meeting people and making new friends, traveling the country to learn about different aspects of Chinese cultural traditions, representing my country for speaking events at the US Consulate in Chengdu, being involved in my local community, getting to know my students) – the stark reality of the challenges that would surely come due to language and cultural differences could not be ignored.

But at times, I did.

It’s amazing how, as humans, we can be ethnocentric when dealing with different cultures (whether at home or abroad) and unconsciously revert back to our default system and expect things to run the way they normally do (because of the dominant cultural norms we have come to expect). This happened to me, especially under the pretext of representing the US State Department as a citizen diplomat. Of course with this special status, I anticipated that things would go more smoothly than usual…and my way. While I didn’t intend to do this, in looking back at what I learned during what was one of the best years of my life, I’ve added more valuable lessons about intercultural engagement to my portfolio called “life lessons.” 

This reminds me all the more that if I’m going to be a culturally competent leader, I have to constantly monitor my assumptions, attitudes, and behaviors at all times – from the simple encounters to the more complex. I don’t believe that any of us gets to the place where we can just coast and not think about how we engage with others – if we are truly emotionally and culturally intelligent, it’s a life-long process filled with humility and constant learning.

When working across borders we have to be aware that there will be a honeymoon period after which reality sets in. Without this realization, we can fall back into our old habits. Having a good partner (or skilled cultural mentor and coach!) can keep the love affair going strong as one seeks to become the best person possible.

One of the most important lessons I re-learned was that just because I was familiar with the cultural norms (social, educational, historical, political), didn’t mean I would always interact with people, situations, and events thoughtfully. If I wasn’t constantly aware of my words, body language, actions (e.g., frustration or impatience), or expectations (e.g., needing something expedited), I would get myself into hot water. No matter how good my intentions were – or how nicely I was trying to persuade people to get things done (in my perceived timeline) – there would be unintended consequences of my actions.

For example, after one month in China I needed to travel to Amsterdam for an especially important meeting (a lot was at stake for me regarding this event). But since I had just arrived in the country, there was a lengthy procedure regarding visa processing (with special visa/travel restrictions due to my status as a Fulbright Scholar). I inquired about whether it would be possible to make an exception and when I was told, “It may be possible,” I went into active mode (what I was really being told was – “no”). I was nice but persistent (Pushy? Annoying? Selfish?) in asking the kind and patient associates at the already busy International Visitor Office to expedite my visa application. 

With government being centralized one would think things move more quickly and smoothly – you collect all the documents, and they go straight to the center. This isn’t the case in China – although there is one hub to which all things flow – it's like a bicycle wheel where multiple spokes all connect to that central hub – and all spokes are independent of each other which meant I had to figure out how to connect each of them in order to make things happen more quickly – otherwise I’d be put into an endless queue waiting for information. There was no instruction guide to how the process worked. Being individualist in my worldview and actions, this was a hard process to follow in a collectivist culture. Everyone was supposed to wait their turn and rely on the authorities to process things in due time. However, I was impatient and wanted it accomplished my way. So I persisted. And I neglected to remember that as a foreign visitor in this country I needed to do things according to their rules, not mine.

But it was deeper than that – it was more than an individual versus collective norm (rule, habit, mindset). Situations like these go to the core of our unexamined assumptions. I had reverted back into what Milton Bennett, creator of the theory called the Developmental Model of Intercultural Sensitivity, calls the Minimization stage. While I knew that there were certain cultural norms to be followed, I ignored them and plied my way forward on my terms (with the implicit expectation that regardless of where I was, all rules should be the same). After all, I needed something extremely important to me, and therefore I needed to convince others to help me achieve my goals.

Essentially, I was blinded to how my actions were being perceived by those trying to help me. I was sincere and pleasant in my persistence; however, this went against the cultural norm of fitting into the social harmony and not raising exceptions. I disavowed the Chinese rules of engagement (concerning expedited visas) and unconsciously imposed my own cultural norms on the people who then had to explain to the authorities why this foreigner needed an exception to the rules. Back in my country I could exert my power as a selectively placed academic with special status (from the US State Department that sponsors this grant) in order to get attention – but I was uncomfortable having to wait for another government to grant me permission to leave the country for only a few days. After all, it would never happen this way in my own culture.

Things eventually worked out – to my delight and deep appreciation for all involved who helped me get approval for this most important meeting. However, looking back on this series of events, if it would have been possible to do a 360° type of evaluation, I would have liked to know honestly how others reacted. Did I really come across as someone who was there with the purpose of bridging cultures (through educational exchange) or was I simply perpetuating sentiments (or stereotypes) of my national culture?

My point is that our perception of what we need, how we get those needs met, and then how we both appear to others and affect them in the process, vary greatly when we are dealing with different cultural norms or worldviews. I share this example because I’m constantly reminded that I need to be aware of my perceptions and expectations about “the rules” of the game wherever I am in the world. Just because I’m someone who strives to be culturally sensitive doesn’t mean that I’ll always act accordingly when I have unexamined assumptions that quietly keep pulling me toward my default way of thinking and acting. 

I still have a love affair with Chinese culture, and as with any healthy relationship, it's important to continue to work on how I interact so that the relationship will flourish and not stagnate. It’s challenging for sure to be aware of self- and others- but I’m in love and will strive to be a better partner every day.

As I get ready to launch my new website and then executive education courses that follow, I’m going to be writing about the challenges of communicating and working with people who are different from us – and I’m going to openly share not only my thoughts but some of the mistakes I’ve made along the way. The goal of my institute’s work is not to focus on what to do when dealing with challenging differences whether at home or abroad but how to do it. This requires the tough inner work to be willing to discover one’s blind spots; then be open to receiving constructive feedback; then consistently put in the effort to change one’s attitudes and behaviors.

More to come! I hope you’ll join me on this exciting journey!

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Link to full article

Dr. Tuleja to teach intercultural communication at Sichuan University in China.

"When management professor Elizabeth Tuleja fell in love with Chinese culture, it wasn’t just love at first sight. It was love with all five senses.

–The smell of sizzling oil mingling with chili peppers and cabbage in an outdoor wok.

–The taste of a whole, fresh fish sprinkled with tangy spring onions.

–The sound of honking horns and bicycle bells on a crowded street.

–The feel of silky blossoms in a bouquet from friends.

–The sight of fireworks exploding in every inch of the night sky during Lunar New Year.

Until that first trip to China in 2005, Tuleja, an intercultural communications expert, had specialized in Latin American studies and Spanish language. But her immediate fascination with China changed the focus of her career.

Now, she’s returning to China on a Fulbright U.S. Scholar Award, one of the most prestigious grants that an educator can receive. From August 2017 to June 2018, Tuleja will teach courses in intercultural communication and global leadership at Sichuan University in Chengdu, the capital of Sichuan province in Western China."

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