Reflections on Love and Loving Our Work
Marie Carasco, Ph.D., PCC
Fortune 100 HR Executive, certified executive coach, and organizational change consultant helping the next generation of leaders be better than the last
I know it’s LinkedIn, but I want to ramble about love since it’s Valentine’s Day after all. Scroll away if you hate love. Kidding. Kinda. But do scroll away if you want strictly work-related content.
When I was a young person, I didn't like Valentine’s Day because I never had a Valentine! Anyone else remember being at school and seeing people with those candy card things that the school was selling for Valentine’s Day? I wanted so much to get one of those, but it didn’t happen for me. Love in my adolescent mind was wrapped up in a day.
As I matured, thankfully, so did my understanding of love. Here is what I’ve come to believe about it. The first aspect in my understanding comes from the Brit Chadashah (The New Testament) in the Bible, reference 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, and might be familiar to many of you:
?“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous, it does not brag, and it is not proud.?Love is not rude, it is not selfish, and it cannot be made angry easily. Love does not remember wrongs done against it.?Love is never happy when others do wrong, but it is always happy with the truth.??Love never gives up on people. It never stops trusting, never loses hope, and never quits”.
When I meditate on the above quote, I often modify the language a bit and say something like, “when I love or am loved by someone, I am/they are...patient, kind, not jealous, etc.” This was the first powerful shift in my understanding of love.
The second shift in my understanding of love came from one of my favorite books “True Love: A Practice for Awakening the Heart” by the beloved Thay, Thich Nhat Hanh. Some snippets from this book are:
“Your love for the other, your ability to love another person, depends on your ability to love yourself. If you are not able to take care of yourself, if you are not able to accept yourself, how could you accept another person and how could you love him or her?...
..."Understanding is the essence of love. If you don’t understand the person you love, you can’t love them properly…You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free…If there is no joy in love, it is not true love. If you are suffering all the time, if you cry all the time, and if you make the person you love cry, this is not really love—it is even the opposite. If there is no joy in your love, you can be sure that it is not true love.” Internalizing both of these conceptions of love were life changing for me.
Of course, these ideas are far from a be-all and end-all on love. For example, many people, including myself, believe love is also a verb; and I acknowledge that there are different types of love. Love for a partner, love for family, love for friends, self-love etc., and I’ve been thinking more and more about love at work. Loving my work, my colleagues, and the experience of being fully engaged. I’m not talking about the research constructs around any of this, but I’m interested in knowing more about the feelings connected to loving what you do for work.
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One of my mentors John D. Carter, PhD, did some research several years ago at a large corporation and in his analysis love came up quite a lot. Whenever we’d discuss this work, I felt weird because at the time, it just didn't resonate. Sidebar – My parents met at work, so thank God for that, otherwise you wouldn't be reading this post, but I’m not talking about that kind of love, I should be so lucky. I do however think we ought to pursue working in spaces that cultivate love of our work. As I consider the ingredients for such a space, things like culture, team dynamics, leadership style, levels of autonomy and richness of day-to-day work-content/projects come to mind. However, I still don’t know how to define this type of love, I can only describe the feelings and outcomes I experience when things are really good, for example, I feel engaged, connection, respect, inclusion and contentment; and when things aren't that great, I'm able to discuss any and all of the reasons why, while also receiving the right kind of support and encouragement to navigate it well.
You might have noticed that I didn't mention anything about belonging. Over the years I've embraced the fact that the uniqueness of my being informs my belief that I belong everywhere and nowhere. It accounts for the times I am accepted or rejected. The times I feel I am an essential part of something and when there seems to be no room for me. Depending on the situation, I might feel good or bad about not belonging, but because I love and value myself, I'm unwilling to change the essence/core aspects of who I am to be a part of something that requires I contort myself in ways that don't align with my identity. As a black woman, I believe that I stand out and can't be hidden. In fact, both my presence and absence can speak volumes, but that my friends is an entirely different discussion!
As I attempt to make a connection between love in general and loving my work, where I do it, and who I get to do it with, I'd say, that loving our work begins with being in the right role and having that role sit with the right team, much like connecting with the right partner. Beyond this I'd say there's clarity, understanding and value of who you are, and appreciation of the ways your presence makes a difference.
The other things that come to mind are that you're given room for growth, treated with respect, and extended grace when you have missteps because there's trust in your good intentions and acceptance of your humanity. All of this in my view creates freedom to be yourself, opportunities to leverage your strengths, psychological safety to engage in difficult conversations or to opt out, and ultimately joy in building something impactful and meaningful for yourself, with your colleagues and for the organization.
No matter who you work for, or who you're with, you will always have yourself. Grow and evolve but never abandon your authenticity. If circumstances shift and your expectations of love or loving your work no longer align, know that there are people and organizations out there that would welcome the opportunity to embrace and appreciate all that you are, just as you are. I hope you're graced with the experience of loving yourself and your work as much as I do.
Now that my love ramble is complete, I welcome some "in-the-comments" conversation!
Here are some things to noodle on:
Bonus: Since you made it all the way to the end of this post, I want to share a song that came to mind for me as I wrote this: "Right Here, Right Now" by Jesus Jones. I'm of the opinion that there's a song for almost everything, and this song brings it home.
#Love #SelfLove #LoveAtWorkWithoutBeingWeird #ValentinesDay #StillNoValentine #EmployeeEngagement #Microsoft #github #ILoveMyJob #ILoveLove
Original article written 2.14.22; edited 2.14.23
Nicely done Marie. I'm just seeing this. But most importantly this is a subject that's always on time and in time. Given Love's absence today, in too many people's lives, what you're saying is not immediately obvious. John has been a teacher, mentor and colleague to me over the years since we first met at my first HI lab at NTL in 1971. It wasn't until decades later that I discovered his ground breaking work on the subject of Love in work he did in the financial industry no less. I thought that was amazing because of the time this work took place, and the industry where this discovery was made. For years he and his wife Veronica did a workshop entitled "What's Love Got to Do With It". I think that's the correct name. John has been on the bleeding edge of OD/ABS for decades, and he's always coming up with something new. Thanks for reminding us.
President & CEO GestaltOSD Center
2 年Ed Schein on the day of his recent death acknowledged the significance of love in the field of OD and ABS. Dr. Schein was 94 years old and perceived by many as a major influencer as an academic and practitioner. My GestaltOSD colleagues Drs. Linda Robson and Duncan Coombe have conducted research and lectured on love in organizations. I hope your post generates discussion and research. Love is the most powerful force.
I really enjoyed this article and was particularly drawn to the section on work and what it means to love what you do and who you are doing it with. I would love your permission to share this with a leadership group I'm a part of. I'd like to suggest we use it to have some of the conversations we need about what we expect/need fro the work and each other.
President & CEO GestaltOSD Center
3 年Marie Love seeing you make a difference with your presence. Love is the most powerful force. This belief statement can be fully experienced when the skill is developed to fully accept all that exists, past, present and future. Love your perspective on today.