Reflections on the longest first week in a new job.

What is imposter syndrome? For me it's the gremlin in my head that makes me doubt my own ability to do things and (paraphrased from the words of Michelle Obama) embodies that feeling that people shouldn't take me that seriously. Because, at the end of the day "What do I know?".

So four weeks ago when, after much deliberation, I accepted the opportunity to lead the Civil Service Comms team and merge the Cabinet Office internal and external engagement teams, I definitely felt anxious about whether I'd be able to do such a humongous role and build a successful team over the coming months.

Starting on 5 September, I knew it would be a tough few months. With a change in government, new ministers and a new team, it was set to be a steep but interesting learning curve and there was lots to get my head around. But with some time and space to get to know the people and the role, I was hopeful I'd get to grips with the new challenge and find my groove - if not by November, definitely by the end of the year.

How wrong was I?! This was all going to have to happen at turbo speed.

Within four days, I was leading a small but perfectly formed comms team to support and deliver ceremonial events in the run up to and for Her Majesty the Queen's State Funeral, and advising internal comms teams across government on what they needed to do, as we made sure all 480,000 civil servants around the globe were kept up-to-date.?

In our small way, we've played our part in delivering the Civil Service response to the death of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II. The eyes of the world have been on London over the past few days and it was dedicated civil and public servants who made sure all events ran like clockwork.

And I couldn't be prouder of the way the team stepped up, working 15 days straight and still managing to do so with dignity, grace and good humour.

Coming into a team and leading through a crisis is not easy, and I've doubted myself a lot and most definitely got things wrong, but throughout it all I have been honoured to work with this gang of expert communicators and excellent humans. We managed logistics, media stewards, ministerial visits and cross-Civil Service communications - all to an exceptional standard, working grueling hours, giving up weekends and evenings and dealing with last minute, late night requests.?

I've also learnt a lot about myself and the type of leader I strive to be. Compassionate, empathetic, open and empowering, while finding the balance between coaching and telling, when the time dictates. And I've maybe realised that when people tell me I'm doing a good job, (maybe) they're not always just trying to be nice. Maybe.

But I think my greatest learning over the past ten days has been seeing the culture that developed in the team. One of high delivery, high standards and still finding the time to celebrate the small stuff, which can make all the difference. In times of high stress, long hours and exhaustion - being able to acknowledge that you, the team and your co-workers are doing a good job and supporting each other, has a huge impact.?Party popper moments, if you will.

So we did that, daily. From thanking the person who made sure everyone was hydrated, to the person who made sure you ate, the person who sang you a song in a moment of light relief to the team member who patiently waited for a decision to be made at 10pm, so a website could be updated - it's the little things that counted, everything they did was valued individually and collectively and that gratitude was shown throughout.?I am tremendously proud of what my team has achieved in the past three weeks, and the culture of collaborative camaraderie we've created in such a short space of time.?

While this was an extraordinary time to start a new role, particularly at the centre of government, it has been the team that has made it for me and I'm honoured to know them.?They're the unsung heroes and the media stewards who were out on shift around Westminster from 5.30am last Monday making sure everything ran smoothly as the world’s gaze was focussed on London, and they’re the ones who got up on Tuesday and Wednesday and continued to plan and deliver as business got back to usual. My heroes.

As for me, am I still balancing the imposter gremlin in my head?

Yes. And I probably always will.

Do I think there is boundless opportunity for this team?

Absolutely. And I can't wait to see what we do next.