Reflections on life After Harvest Fair

It’s been nine months since I made the tough decision to close my social enterprise down. I recently went on my first holiday since before launching Harvest Fair in 2017, and being able to get away from the day to day environment for a week was such a great opportunity to really reflect on the emotions and what life has been like ‘After Harvest Fair’. The experience changed me so much that I do often think of life in terms of Before and After. The decision that I made at Christmas last year still feels as right now and it felt then, but it’s taken most of these last nine months to really recover. The recovery process has been financial, physical and emotional.

Stage one was financial – this was my first priority because the impact of financial insecurity on myself personally and on my relationship was at critical point. Everything I had was going into keeping the enterprise afloat. The loss of financial independence and the isolation that comes from not being able to afford the usual social and networking activities was terrifying. Fortunately, the unique experience that I had, and the rise of social enterprise has meant that there is work in this space, and I have been able to undertake consulting work to get my finances back on track.

Learning #1 – never martyr yourself for a cause – sustainability starts with you.

The second stage was physical recovery – I put on 10kg during Harvest Fair from poor eating choices and lack of exercise, mainly due to being time poor and cash poor but also due to not prioritising my own wellbeing. I’ve always valued looking after myself and feeling healthy, and so I didn’t feel like myself at all. I remember sitting on the floor in my bedroom in a puddle of tears after a shower one morning because none of my clothes fit me and I literally didn’t have any money to spare to buy more. I had one pair of jeans that just fit but which had a hole that I had to keep sewing up! Once I started recovering financially I was able to get my gym membership back, and in addition to eating better I’m now 5kg lighter and finally starting to feel healthy and strong again, with my mojo returning.

Learning #2 – prioritise your own wellbeing.

The third stage, the one I am in now, is emotional recovery where I’m really reflecting on the Harvest Fair experience, what I can take away from it and what I do moving forward. There has been a myriad of emotions in this stage, some surprising, others not:

I feel fortunate. The experience of Harvest Fair was one that gave me so many invaluable learning opportunities that I am now privileged to share with others. I’ve been able to create my own job and give myself the kind of flexibility, self-direction and that comes from being your own boss and doing something you love. I am able to use my experience to help others, to inspire them, to know it can be done, and to give insights into the process that may not be considered up front on their social enterprise journey.

I feel proud. I have contributed to the development of the social enterprise sector and forged a small path that will hopefully make it easier for others, particularly for those who use a commercial model of social enterprise. While Harvest Fair may not have gone to plan it was still meaningful, not only to me and to the sector, but to the five women who were employed by Harvest Fair after years of being overlooked for work, and who went on to ongoing employment creating financial stability for themselves and their children.

I feel determined. I feel more than ever that social enterprise is key to social change. Instead of offering the kind of reactive support that our social services sector traditionally offers, social enterprise goes to the core of what underpins social disadvantage to change the situation before it gets to the point of crisis – employment, safety, inclusion, physical and emotional wellbeing. We need our government and our business sector to invest in social enterprise through strategy, funding and social procurement. I’m writing my book as a guide to creating a social enterprise because this is the book that I would have loved to read when I was starting out. I hope that it offers some useful information and insights to help others who want to drive down this amazing road of social change.

I feel overwhelmed. The idea of starting a social enterprise over from scratch again is daunting. But the biggest challenge I’m finding is what idea to pursue, what to invest my time and energy into developing. There are so many ideas, so many opportunities and so many social challenges to address. The challenge is narrowing this all down to a develop a concept that will deliver the most long-term sustainable impact, through a model that will be viable and properly resourced. Some risks and leaps of faith will again need to be made, but this time with much more insight to guide me. This knowledge is both advantageous and scary.

I feel unsure of who I am without my own social enterprise to drive. One thing I loved about the Harvest Fair experience was that I discovered my purpose and passion for social enterprise and my identity was that of a founder. While I will always be a founder, After Harvest Fair I struggled with the idea that I was no longer an active founder, and therefore what my identity was. It’s not about the title but more about what it means in practice. I love my consulting work and I love working with other people to develop the sector, but social entrepreneurship is a calling, and like any calling, if you aren’t doing what you were born to do then life can feel unfulfilling.

I feel impatient. I want to get moving and get back to my calling – there is so much to do. Patience has never been a virtue of mine but it was in many ways this impatience which contributed to Harvest Fair’s downfall; if I had been more patient perhaps I would have waited until we had more money in the bank, or waited until we had enough customers lined up. In order to honour the lessons learned and not make the same mistakes again I need to exercise patience. Every social entrepreneur knows that fire in the belly – it never goes away – but giving myself time to heal and replenish before starting something new is critical to future success.

I feel burnt. The drive to contribute real social change is all consuming. That Harvest Fair failed is not something that keeps me awake at night as there were too many invaluable learnings and opportunities to ever see Harvest Fair as anything but an incredible experience. But the impact that the experience had on me personally is something that is taking me a long time to recover from, and if anything hinders me from jumping back on the horse it will be fear of being personally burnt again rather than fear of failing again. This is all part of the learning, and part of the reason why I need to be patient – jumping back on the horse before I’m financially and emotionally ready would only dishonour the lessons learned. This vulnerability and fear are healthy and I embrace these feelings for the protection that they offer.

Most of all I feel excited. Harvest Fair may have been a little ahead of its time for South Australia, but momentum in the sector is growing rapidly and government and industry are becoming more aware of social enterprise and its critical role in our economy. Our schools and universities are starting to educate our next generation about how business can be run as a force for social good. The South Australian Social Enterprise Council is on track to be formed in the coming months, solidifying our recognition, our commitment and our place in the national and global social enterprise community. Timing is everything and the time is ripe for social enterprise to flourish.

Lesson #3 – Embrace the emotional rollercoaster, keep following your instinct and putting your trust in the bigger picture process.

This hasn’t been an easy article to write but these conversations are important. In order to grow the social enterprise sector we need to open and honest about the challenges along with the successes. I don’t feel that I have failed, I have simply learned. And I can’t wait for the next chapter, whatever that may bring.