Reflections of a Doctor: 001

I’ve been a doctor for 7 years. When I crossed that stage on graduation day, I felt many things but one thing I did not appreciate is the power of kindness. We speak often of this in society, but less about how to practice it. How to teach children to lead with kindness so they become more conscious, generous and less self-serving adults. How kindness is free, but a thing that gives the greatest return on investment. How it flows into self compassion, which builds our own knowledge of self, our ability to forgive and brings clarity to our futures.

Kindness in Medicine is too often underestimated. Sure, it’s unlikely to treat sepsis. It’s not going to deliver a baby in an obstetric emergency. It’s not going to pay the bills (pun intended - doctor strikes are happening again this week!). But kindness, as a daily practice, IS what makes us better practitioners and better people overall. And not only towards our patients, but among ourselves.?

In a profession where the suicide rate is between 5-7 times that of the general population, and at a time where doctors dying by suicide is yet another notification on our newsfeeds - we have to begin to ask ourselves: WHY? The job is hard enough, the sacrifices are deep enough. But a system that placed as much value on nurturing, teaching and rewarding kindness - will always be one that survives because its workers are more likely to thrive.

Take the photo above, for instance.

This is R., an Obstetrician who pivoted from General Surgery. When I started my Obstetrics and Gynaecology rotation, I started on a string of busy night shifts. Anyone knows that is a literal baptism of fire. On night two - exhausted, stressed, dehydrated and regretting that I hadn’t had a bigger dinner - R. needed me to join him for a C section. Fast forward to the latter part of the surgery, I began to feel light headed. Lesson of the day: ALWAYS eat something before a C section and drink a lot of water.

I gave it some time until I knew I had to stop and sit down, wrestled with myself internally for what felt like an eternity. I didn’t want to look like a wuss. I have never passed out in surgery and this was NOT about to be my first time. Stubbornly, I gritted my teeth behind my mask and tried to think of something other than the pool of blood and womb in front of me. It didn’t work. So, I chose to show myself kindness.

“R.,” I whispered, embarrassed. “I feel faint, I need to sit down.”

“You feel faint? Okay.”

And that was that. Within seconds I was guided to a chair to sit on. It didn’t take long for me to feel right again, I even tried to return to the operating table but I was told to take more time. Embarrassed by all the attention (and in retrospect - CARE) that I was being shown, I felt huge shame and like I was weak. This was a failure, surely? How on earth would I get through C sections, the many of which I knew were to come? Now, the thing that changed every thing and moved me from a place of panic to a place of determination was what happened next. After the surgery, R. and I returned to the doctor’s office. I was still avoiding eye contact at this point. But he says to me, “You know, it’s very common to feel like that. All the blood and standing on your feet, and the adrenaline. You have to make sure you eat properly before. So go and eat, and you’ll be ready for the next one.” He also asked me if I’m pregnant (eye roll I’m not) but that’s beside the point. Long story short, the next C section was soon after that. I got through it, I got involved. I did not faint. I did not fall. And this photo is me and R., months later, after a C section I did with him. Strong on my feet, comfortable and standing tall.

I share this to show the power of kindness. It truly is a thing that pushes us over the finish line of the most intimidating races of this life. Also C sections are mind blowing?? Life is a gift.

Your turn: In the comments, share a story of a kind act that got you through a challenging time in your career.