Reflections in Courage: For Younger Women...And for Men

I’ve written about women in the work place before yet the subject of “finding one’s voice” has come up again. And it is not just for women this comes up, but for men too.

Why these two groups? Because we need each other.

For women I say this:

The subject of courage is hardly ever discussed at work but the topic is often on our minds. And women might not characterize it as having, or not having courage, but the root matter is firmly about courage … So while the topic (or word) per say, doesn’t come up, talking about the “symptoms”  does come up. For example, for many younger women, there is an internal dialog of whether to ‘weigh in’ on an active conversation, add our opinion, or speak up when we are opposed to an idea.

Years ago when I decided to shift from clinical work to the world of business, I ran across a cartoon which has stuck with me ever since my first reading. The cartoon was a picture of a Boardroom table with a bunch of men—and one lone woman—sitting around it. The man at the head of the table was looking at the woman and said, “Good idea Mrs. Tibbs. Perhaps one of the men here would like to make it.” I had that cartoon with me through several jobs and it lived on my refrigerator door as a constant reminder to myself to be courageous, to speak up. And as a reminder that the work world—whether intentional or simply by default—tipped its hand toward men.

So my reflection for Women? Think less, engage more.

And for the men out there I say this:

Make space at work for the younger women who are finding their voices and who are defining themselves in their career. I understand you too might be trying to do the same, but there is a special weight on women (you’ll find it on their left shoulder) which burden’s them differently. Sure you might need courage too, but you’ve got loads of social biases helping you develop and flex that muscle. And while some of you reading this might think I’m playing favorites, or that work world should be “every man for himself” (note the pronoun), or that men have the same constraints, I say this: It is not the same….

For example, some years back, I was part of a work group which met weekly to provide updates on activities and developed the plan for the week ahead. I was always on the roster to speak (being a senior member of the group), but I was always last on the agenda. Routinely my time was cut short or often, the meeting ran out of time before I could provide my updates. No one noticed a thing about it until I mentioned it to the Chair, who didn’t believe he was inadvertently be putting a woman last, cut her time repeatedly, and signaling to the group that I was not important. Yet that is exactly what was going on. After our conversation, the roster of updates rotated.

This kind of bias happens a lot—women are asked to organize the meeting logistics, speak last in a presentation, sit at the fringes of the table, are “talked-over” at meetings…things we often don’t notice until it is pointed out.

Why Courage is Needed Now

So OK, good to know, but why focus on courage now you might ask?

There is a lot going on at work and in politics (in D.C., with our healthcare) which needs courage and action, which is really the reason for this post.

While opinions vary about healthcare policy, what is not disputed is that women are key influencers when it comes to health care decision making for their families. It turns out that women and long been the undisputed family health care decision-makers, making approximately 80% of all family healthcare choices.

So now is absolutely the right time to focus on women, courage and finding voice. To bring one’s authentic voice to work, to policy discussions is critical to forging the best path for the American Professional Woman and on behalf of the American Patient.

Just yesterday I was walking by a schoolyard of 5th graders during recess. One of the young students from the school approached me to ask what I was doing. I told her I was on my way to get coffee with a friend. She coyly (and sweetly) asked she could come with me, to which I replied, ‘You need to stay in school, learn a lot and grow up to become the CEO of a large company.’ To this she replied, “OK, sounds good.”

Courage versus Bullying

And finally, this leads me to say one thing about the difference between courage and bulling: Courage is clean, it is self-derived with the purpose of doing good. Bullying is dark and dirty and its focus is to harm and belittle, obstruct and obfuscate.

In our efforts to do good, do well, and be compassionate, we must always notice the difference between bullying and courage, and select courage. Courage takes courage, but bullying requires nothing but a mean spirit.

About the author: Recognized by LinkedIn as a "Top Voice" in Health Care in 2015 & 2106, author Julie Kliger is passionate about improving health care. She is a consultant, author and speaker. She specializes in healthcare quality, organizational change and improvement.