Reflections on Coronavirus Part 7

In the seventh week of the 'Making Sense: Understanding the Meaning We See in the COVID-19 Pandemic' supervision conversations, we have continued to explore our experiences and perceptions of the world around us. As in previous weeks, this discussion was a free flowing conversation between coaches and consultants, and the summary below attempts to capture the themes....

The call began with what felt like a striking intensity of images, and an almost primitive, charged energy that continued to permeate our conversation. Some people described a feeling of physical and mental exhaustion, arising from the need to process many conflicting emotions and sources of information. For some, this exhaustion arose from the weight of responsibility of their roles and the need to create plans and communications that would 'second guess' the uncertainty, knowing that criticism for whatever choices they make was almost inevitable. We wondered whether this tiredness was just a manifestation of depression. We discussed how tiring it was to hear self appointed 'gurus' predict the future, and how we wanted to return to the mundane reality of life, and just have 'silly conversations'.

We discussed the contrast of the surreal remoteness of a drama that is unfolding through screens, with what feels like a raw 'weirdness' when we venture out into the world. It was suggested that it feels at times as if we are living in a bad sci-fi movie, where the scenes are almost too stereotyped and badly scripted to be real. A participant described how he had seen someone angrily shouting at supermarket staff; demanding to be given priority and using veiled threats of violence. He confessed that he had himself felt the (quickly repressed) urge to punch the individual concerned. This irritation and even anger at the behaviour of others was shared by many in the group, and felt like an intensification of the emotions that previous groups have shared.

We noted that 'fault lines' were continuing to emerge and the sense of division was becoming more pronounced. We wondered about the feeling of being in a 'fortress', an internal confinement in our homes which feels paralysing and yet a protection against the powerful forces outside. The fortress seemed for some to be the best option as they could stay quiet and just safely observe to develop the survival skills for a world that seemed to be moving with speed and mania; what felt like a strange and dangerous 'jungle' beyond the walls. 

We explored the meaning of 'home', and the possibility that home is an ideal, that works best when you come back to it; returning with resources and experiences. It was suggested that the feeling of simply being outside is refreshing and adventurous, as if we were hunter gathers, going out to kill an antelope and return with the prize. People described how they used to 'love coming home' and miss that feeling, now they are at home all the time. 

We then discussed the meaning of leaving home and coming home and the idea of choice seemed significant. This particular group was very geographically mobile before the pandemic, and felt as though their 'wings had been clipped'. The lack of choices for physical movement, even at a local level felt 'castrating' and even more disturbing than an uncertain future. For others however, there was a feeling that we have too many choices and there was hope in 'surrendering' to the fact that we have limited resources. For them, the lack of choices had opened up a new appreciation of what was immediately around them and in particular the opportunity to reconnect with family and their immediate community.

This suggestion then seemed to open up new fault lines, as for some it felt divisive and tribal, a word that had 'dark' and 'aggressive' qualities. The association with the divisions arising in the United Kingdom from Brexit was made. We then wondered what was meant by the word 'community' and it was suggested that for some of us at least, our existing communities felt very tenuous and perhaps not as well known to us as we had previously thought. We wondered if we may be beginning to find new communities in unexpected places.

As we concluded, we agreed that the diversity of perspectives on the call had been helpful in providing a degree of clarity. The idea that we could meet with strangers and create a trusting environment to share how we feel seemed cathartic: 'This is what I love about humanity'. We may even have begun to create a community.

We will continue the conversation next week....