To Conform or Not to Conform

1. Recently I have been wondering: everyone is different in this world, different aspirations, different backgrounds, values, traditions, character traits, skills, abilities, we love differently, we thrive differently.

So why should everyone follow the same "blue print" for life?

Our kids are exposed today to so many activities, they get to build, write, act, run, play, discover, explore, imagine, create. If you ask a kid what they want to be when they grow up, they won't say "I want to be one of those people working day and night in a cubicle, get loans to buy a big house and a car, get married, have kids, work till the day I die".

So what happens to us, adults?

A while ago, I read the story of the peacock that was accepted one day in the land of the penguins. Initially, at the interview and the following week from hiring, the peacock was seen as a great addition to the team, bringing fresh perspective. But, after a while, the penguins started to ask the peacock to hide his feathers in meetings, to try to take less space, to be less loud, to be less colorful. Basically, the peacock was asked to conform and be like everybody else. The peacock was miserable, his feathers were fading and falling. One sad but brave day, he decided to leave and look for a place where he would be celebrated, not just tolerated. He found a place where all creatures, big and small, colorful or not, loud or silent, were working together happily and nobody wanted to change anybody, they were so happy to meet people with new and different skills that enriched their lives. They didn't feel threatened by the peacock, they felt excited to have the peacock among them to uplift their own skills and life. In case you want to read the book: https://www.amazon.com/Peacock-Land-Penguins-Gallagher-Hateley/dp/1576751732

I realized a few years ago that I am this peacock. Every time I try to conform to what others want me to be, I became miserable, actually physically sick. Even if I did my best, at the end of the day I felt drained. I always compensated by doing things that uplift me and recharge me in my spare time. Hiding "my true colors" was always very difficult and it came with a cost. After many years, I had the courage to let go of what others wanted me to be, and I became what I should be, what my soul wanted me to be and I finally felt like myself again, I finally felt balanced.

From the day we come to this earth, we are asked to follow a structure if we want to be accepted in society. Our parents have to make sure we are enlisted in the "right" schools since we are in diapers, we learn how to "behave" in different environments, we speak as "we should", we work hard at school, we get a job, stick to it and build a career, marry "right", have kid(s), get a house and a car, become grandparents, retire and die. All Hollywood movies depict one of these stages.

So what if we don't conform? What about those that don't fit the norm or don't want to fit the norm?

Can we find our tribe just like the peacock? Do we even need a tribe?

Highly recommended reading: "Untamed", by Glennon Doyle. Stop pleasing, start living. Please share your reflections.