On reflections & appearances

Observe what grace and charm appear even in the accidents that accompany Nature's work. Some parts of a loaf crack and burst in the baking, and this cracking, though in a manner contrary to the design of the baker, looks well and invites the appetite. Figs, too, gape when at their ripest, and in ripe olives the very approach to rotting adds a special beauty to the fruit. The droop of ears of corn, the bent brows ot he lion, the foam at a board's mouth, and many other things, are far from comely in themselves, yet since they accompany the works of Nature, they make part of her adornment, and rejoice the beholder (Aurelius, 2022, p. 23)

In the weeks leading up to the induction week of the DCPsych program, I became increasingly concerned with how I should look, dress, and present myself as a professional, a worthy doctoral student. What impression did I want to create?

I feel that in as much as this "woke" world wants to be open-minded and accepting, there is an enormous emphasis on aesthetics. I suppose that is the consequence of being unrealistic in the world's demands, the contradictions against the givens of existence. From as young as 20, young men and women pump their faces with fillers, they spend hours posing for the perfect photo, and are caked in makeup so thick you can scrape it off with a butter knife.

So often, it feels that are gone are the days when a group of young people were laughing roudily around a table. Instead, they sit on their phones scrolling through social media or working on the next "perfect" post with the perfect filter and the perfect pose to elicit the maximum number of likes. Self-worth and self-esteem seem to have become attached to the number of likes from a large number of strangers on a platform. They start to live for the platform rather than live here, in the now, to enjoy the now. Rather a pretty picture in the sunset that sitting and taking it in.

The week before the induction course, I found myself heading to the nail salon, to cake my nails in a thick acrylic which would endure the weeks ahead. It felt unnatural, even the small added bit of length felt vastly different from my usual shortly trimmed nails. I liked it at first, it looked clean and pretty. But it was not necessary. And I will not do it again.

As they began to grow out, they felt more and more foreign to me, I started to almost feel like it was a crisis of identity to have these glued on for longer. To remove them was a relief, and I felt more me.

If we are to be an authentic being in the therapeutic encounter, we should not be putting on a fascade of what we think people would like to see. In my case, the nails were a show, they were not something I would normally do nor something in which I felt at home. I need to bring me to the room, not who I think they would prefer that I be.

And yes, it is, of course, important to present someone who seems put together; you would not want to arrive in a therapy room and feel like your therapist didn't manage to iron their shirt. But, as in all things, there is a balance. I do not need to sterilize my appearance of my personalize to achieve an aesthetic.

Such a man will contemplate in the real world the fierce jaws of wild beasts with no less delight than when sculptors or painters set for for him their presentments. With like pleasure will his chaste eyes behold the maturity and grace of old age in man or woman, and the inviting charms of youth. (Aurelius, 2022, p. 23)

It is the imperfections in nature that make it quite so interesting and amazing. Anyone who has had the privilege of engaging with nature whether it be in the forest or below the water, knows that it is an imperfect, powerful, and beautiful force. As a society, whether through media or within the bounds of science, we have come to focus on the micro-details of life rather than the whole. In this lies a problem, for we are not simply a collection of parts but the sum of our whole is more than the collection of parts.

Under the microscope, living organisms are just a soup of chemicals and minerals. But what about what the microscope doesn't see? That life force, the vital ingredient of existence (Anthony, 2009, p. 4)

In focusing on the details - the perfect nails, the flawless skin, the "snatched" waists and the pointed eyebrows, we lose the essence of humans. Humans are imperfect; we age, we develop spots, and a natural eyebrow has visible hairs that point incorrectly. What is sadder is that in getting desperately caught up in trying to achieve and present this perfect look to the online world, we forget to live in the current world. Children and teenagers who do not know how to play without a phone or iPad. They no longer explore. Few appreciate what is left in nature, and fewer appreciate that their "flaws" are the details that give them character.

References

Anthony, L. (2009). The Elephant Whisperer. Sidgwick and Jackson.

Aurelius, M. (2022). Meditations: Ancient Wisdom to Master Your Mind and Win at Life. Penguin Random House India. ISBN: 9780143456841