Reflections at 50

July 20th, 1973 – that was 50 years ago, and also the day I was born.?I have a number of thoughts and feelings as I reach this milestone.

The allotted time we have on earth is “three score and ten” (70 years).?This old phrase is still relevant since the average life span in the United States is approximately 76 years.?This fact is more challenging as a black man. We have one of the shortest, if not the shortest, lifespans based on race and gender in the US (more information).?So, statistically speaking, I have lived the majority of my life. ?

Learning to embrace my own mortality?and legacy is difficult, exciting, scary and inspiring – all at the same time. While I am trying?to “cheat time” with a good diet, exercise, rest and healthy relationships, I'm still faced with the grim reality that sooner or later, time always wins. ?

This time in life is typically called the “mid-life crisis” or “mid-life reflection” period – and I see why.? Here are my reflections based on being around for literally 50 years.

Like all of us, I grew up with many dreams and goals for the future.?Over the years, with my different roles: son, brother, husband, father, friend and colleague – I have been blessed, fortunate and privileged in many ways.?I have also made mistakes, and had disappointments and regrets in many ways.?When I compare the dreams I had when I was younger, with the reality that has played out, the reconciliation process is VERY dynamic on so?many levels. ?

I am grateful, and disappointed.?I am confident, and insecure.?I am proud, and ashamed.?I am happy, and angry.?I am encouraged, and frustrated.?I am energized, and tired.

While I am motivated to keep dreaming, I also am well aware that I most likely have less time on earth from this point forward to experience them.

In the mid 1990’s the American government described young men who looked like me and had my culture as a “Superpredator” – a menace to society (Wikipedia, reflection, retrospective).?

A man like me was forced to carry the narrative that I was someone to be feared.?A man like me was forced to carry the narrative that I had nothing good to offer.

I was burdened with the reality that I will be profiled, and that my chances of being incarcerated were much higher and disproportionate to a man who didn’t look like me. I was burdened with the weight that I would have limited access to opportunities. And sooner or later, I would experience microaggressions in a number of different ways and situations.?It would be on me to deal with the internal stress and impact it had on my mental and emotional health. Instead of being the predator, I felt like I was the prey.

I realized that even though these factors are outside of my control, there are a number of factors WITHIN my control – I can choose to create and pursue another narrative, and explore how to experience success in spite of these external factors.?By resisting the narrative that was placed on me, and through a lot of healing work – that continues to this day, I am becoming a SUPERPOWER, instead of the superpredator that they said I would be.

I have had some amazing experiences in my professional journey.?I’ve traveled to wonderful places and have worked with tremendous people.?Early in my career, I became familiar with the term “glass ceiling”, but it largely felt abstract and more relevant in past times.?It wasn’t until I actually bumped my head on that ceiling and learned that it was (and is) a very real and relevant thing.

Over a career span of nearly 30 years, what I bring to the table has consistently elevated me to different leadership roles and has put me in the room with senior leaders as a key advisor and contributor.?I’ve also had my work stolen by others and claimed as their own in projects, presentations and performance reviews.?

I’ve also learned the power of words – words to myself and words from others. I have internally wrestled with the tensions and the multiple messages they have:

• Words of praise lauding my leadership, intellect, creativity & teamwork skills
• Words of care with helpful and constructive feedback to drive improvement
• Words of sabotage to discredit, produce doubt and create division

Now, when I look around the meeting room or video call, I notice that I’m usually one of the oldest, if not the oldest in the room.?The ambitious side of me is very tempted to wonder if I should be at a different place in my career.?I’m sure this can be a healthy reflection. But for me, it can quickly lead to insecurity – “Has my time passed?”?“Am I still relevant?”

While I understand and embrace that my job should not be my identity, at the same time, I have an ambition and passion to make the most out of my professional journey.?This polarity drives the dilemma “to climb or not to climb” the corporate ladder.?It’s like knowing the air around you is polluted, but you still need to breathe.

“We are beings who live at the nexus of the dreams of our ancestors and the memories of our descendants.”? Dr Sara King

I am humbled when I consider my place within the generational arc of humanity.??

As a member of Generation X, my lived experience includes the legacy, impact and influence of the Lost Generation, Greatest Generation, Silent Generation and Baby Boomer Generation.?This includes spending quality time with my great grandparents, grandparents, parents and the wide spectrum of aunts, uncles and cousins.?This also includes spending quality time with so many people not related to me from these generations – teachers, coaches, friends, colleagues and the list goes on.

The different events and moments of their day shaped their lived experience.?How each of them showed up and lived their values with their thoughts, words and actions, is a powerful reminder that I literally am doing the same thing with my?relatives,?friends and colleagues.?What values did I absorb from the generations before me??What values am I living today that others are absorbing?

As I now look at the generations behind me: Millennials, Generation Z and Generation Alpha – I am blown away!?From the Lost Generation to Generation Alpha is eight total generations!?The impact, and influence of my lived experience?and my legacy are within these eight total generations.?And who knows, I may have a chance to spend quality time with those who'll come after Generation Alpha.

At one point in time, the Missionary Generation (the generation before my great grandparents) was at the center of their respective generational arc.?Now, they are a distant memory.?One day, my generation will be a distant memory.?I wonder how far will my legacy, impact and influence reach with the generations behind me?

"Don't count the days, make the days count" (Muhammad Ali)

As I look back to look forward, I’m wrapping my mind around this reframing:

• The first ~25 years of my life was the “incubation period”.?I was figuring things out and learning the different dimensions of who I am
• From then up to now, I have had another ~25 years of “effective living”.?I’m starting to become more comfortable with who I am.?I believe I’m finally starting to come into my own.?
• I’m becoming more secure and less concerned with what people think of me.?I believe I am finding a healthy balance with embracing the multiple tensions and truths that exist in so many areas of life.

I’m starting to enjoy effective living and am motivated to live this way for as long as possible:

• Continue my holistic health journey: Heart/soul, mind, body and others. ?“Health is wealth”.
• Continue leaning into acts of courage and love:?If I find myself operating from a place of fear or selfishness, simply make different choices that point me to love and courage.?I call this the "secret play"...more to come on this.
• Continue embracing the African philosophy of Ubuntu – “I am because we are”:? Continue being generous with my gifts, skills, talents and experiences – and trust that others will be generous with theirs.
• Continue actively pursuing opportunities for impact:?Being a resource, coach, mentor and friend.

"Be the change you wish to see in the world" (Mahatma Gandhi)

So, in these 50 years on earth, I’ve learned that our human experience is the sum total of our individual life choices and their related outcomes and impact on others.?

The human experience also includes the impact and effects of others, as well as systems and factors outside of our control, and their subsequent effects on me.?

I’m learning that engaging these internal and external stressors with holistic wellbeing and resilience practices, and healthy relationships, gives me the best chance of experiencing the highest version of myself.