Reflection and sensemaking: exploring personal resilience and understanding motivations

The quote above is from the Daily Dharma, a newsletter by The Tricycle Community I signed up for many years ago. I admit I usually delete it without reading?it, but today, I felt compelled to read it?and found myself receptive to the message.

Over the weekend, I wondered how often we take the time to reflect on what we do and why we do it. How often do we truly explore what drives our behaviours and motivates our choices and actions?

I recently learned that the best project you can ever work on is yourself.

I learned this lesson in a hard and painful way, both physically and emotionally, these past few weeks. The consequences meant I finally declared a major incident on myself and committed to taking action. Two weeks after an injury and on a beautiful sunny day, I am still limited to rest with ample time for reflection. I sit here mentally as well, still on the fence about visiting A&E for an X-ray on my ankles. I have begun to suspect that none of the reasons I hold in my mind for not going are genuinely valid to prevent me from taking action.

Yesterday, feeling a severe amount of pain and general frustration with all things, anxiety and doubt slowly crept in, and the walls around me felt suffocating. I cannot get on my bike and run away from this. I have to embrace discomfort with kindness and curiosity. Sit still and allow myself to focus on the present, process root causes and find alternative pathways. To do this, I have had to acknowledge I failed, but I know I can do better; this is temporary, and I can apply myself and use this time constructively for personal growth.

I thought I would share my recent attempts to cultivate this practice with those in my network by reflecting on a post I shared on the weekend about a recent trip and my journey to begin mental health recovery. This is similar to my initial post about recognising the need to take breaks, which sits outside the usual well-polished scope of ‘disaster and resilience’. I used these to test the waters of my network and their receptiveness to recent discoveries in the hopes that sharing these experiences may have value and service to others.

But why post about this? Why share these topics of a personal nature? Where is the boundary between exposure and privacy? What internal and external motivations compelled me to write and post about this??

I am cultivating a practice of self-acceptance. I have always been candid about my physical and mental health. I have no shame, no stigma, and no fear of?talking about it; I?never have and never will. I can’t change?or fix it, but I can learn, live, adapt, and hopefully support others on this journey. I do not want the world to know every detail of my life. I reserve that for those I respect, admire and trust the most, the ones I have a profound sense of connection with by way of their values and virtues.

I have chosen to be open and transparent in the hopes of in time contributing to that process of raising awareness, challenging stereotypical narratives, and educating others about mental health and autoimmune diseases. I am choosing to join the collective of those who seek to cultivate an inclusive and open environment where people feel safe, supported, and empowered to discuss these topics. I know from experience how important it is to be in an environment where everyone feels heard, accepted, and free from judgment. I know the power of connection, open and transparent communication, learning and trusting each other and empowering one another to move forward. We are all stronger together; for that to happen, we must know and accept that we do not need to be alone.

Moving on from those intentions, the next question that felt right to ask was: What was my measure of success? I thought asking this would help me reflect further on the issue of privacy versus exposure and better understand motivational drivers.

Was it the number of likes, comments, reposts, views, and?follows? No, it’s?not even remotely the priority of that post. It was not about attention, approval or external validation – this was something I needed to do for myself; for me, putting that out there was enough; that was my measure of success: be brave and commit, face the fear, set your intentions and release them into the world and let them manifest.

A selfish but essential part of my process. If it has the secondary benefit of helping someone else – even better, and better yet, if it can convey the sincerity of my gratitude to those who have supported me and for a moment give them the sense of joy and optimism that I currently feel, then that’s certainly worth it. I am not alone, and whilst I have been the captain of my ship and the master of my destiny in this instance, I was not alone, and the support of a strong crew is fundamental to ensuring you can go the distance.?

Reflecting on the issue of boundaries on privacy. This is a matter of personal choice on what to share and what not; that’s an individual's choice, motives, and values. I make no judgements; their goals are their own. I know my boundaries, I now know my values, I understand my motives, and I can direct my actions accordingly and choose how I will respond to reach my goals. Was I acting in self-interest or service to others? What was I looking to get from this post and the message I was putting out to the world – I genuinely believe those are the questions we all need to be asking, and I can only hope I got the balance right with that. I am open to constructive feedback and invite comments and thoughts on this article.

I don’t just want to talk the talk; I want to walk the walk with my actions. That’s why I chose to post this message—perhaps it will resonate with someone struggling, reassuring them that they are not alone and inspiring them to take action with the hope that recovery from any mental health condition is possible. It's hard, but it is entirely possible. I am living proof, and I will continue to live, laugh, love and embrace the pain and the discomfort that will come with this. I make a conscious effort to be mindful that nothing worthwhile is ever easy, is it?

I plan to continue writing about my?journey. I have yet to know whether this is the right platform for that or if something else may be better suited. The format and style of that writing may also be changeable. I am curious and open to seeing where this process goes, changing and adapting as necessary and embracing this with a sense of creative wonder as I embrace a new world of possibility.

So, to anyone reading, if this resonates with you and you or someone you know is struggling with mental health, know you are not alone; there is help available, and things can get better. If you are in the UK, check out the NHS Therapy and Counselling services for more information on mental health?services ; if you are in a crisis and need urgent help, call NHS 111.