Reflection: Cutting the Line

Mildly irritating moments are great for measuring your peace.

Today, I attempted a quick trip to the grocery store.

I was on the clock to go see my wife. I got in fast, got a few items, and sought to get out fast.

Confusion began at the register. The manager, who I know, wouldn’t sell me the apple juice, but wouldn’t explain why.

There’s a bit of a language barrier. He just kept saying no.

Eventually, I realized it was because he saw a black speck in the bottle. He was looking out for me.

This was fine.

Then, I called my mom. And while explaining something to her, I realized I had missed several time-sensitive texts from Lori. She had been on hold with customer service from the time I left the house, had finally gotten to an operator after half an hour, and now needed some key info from me to keep from having to call them back.

I hung up with my mom, got the info, and texted it to Lori.

Also fine.

This is where the fun began.

I got to the front of the line with my replacement apple juice. Like many stores in New York, this one has multiple cashiers. You form a line on a designated aisle and wait to be called. Here, it’s aisle 5.

It’s known.

It’s marked.

There’s a sign explaining it at each register.

So I’m waiting there, and a twentysomething bespectacled white guy in a blue sweater walks across from frozen foods, gets directly in front of me, and then takes the cashier that opens up immediately following.

And I said “excuse me sir there’s a line.”

He turned back, looked at me, turned back around, and walked to the register.

It was especially odd, because there was no distance between me and him. It wasn’t like I was waiting in the aisle, and he took a position ten feet in front of me. It was like he took a position a foot from me, and went about his business

But what was equally odd was that he didn’t seem aggressive or presumptuous. It wasn’t an entitled New York move. It wasn’t a macho bully move. It was more like an “I don’t know what you are complaining about so I will ignore you” move. It just seemed like he heard me, and saw me, and somehow it didn’t register, so he treated me like a TV program, and kept moving.

Or he’s a sociopath, and this was a brand of grocery store jiu jitsu I’ve never seen.

Either way, it activated a dormant gene from kindergarten.

You know the one. It’s the gene that rages against such primal injustices as line cutting, not sharing, not taking turns, and various disproportionate consumption of resources, like taking two cookies, or going back for seconds before everybody has had firsts.

And I took one more fleeting stab at correcting the situation. I heard myself call him “bruh” which is not really part of my lexicon. At this, point, however, seeing that he had already paid for his one item, and I was next, I just let it go.

When I got to the cashier, smiled, and mentioned the line, she was actually beside herself with dismay. She thought Captain-Steps-in-Front and I were together. When she realized we weren’t, she was way more apologetic than necessary.

I just said I’m gonna believe he had somewhere he needed to be.

I paid for my stuff and started walking home.

This is how I know God is dealing with me:

At another time, I might have grumbled about this for the entire walk home. The audacity. The temerity. The unmitigated gall. The chutzpah!

Shockingly, I found myself, after sorting through my momentary annoyance, praying for the man.

I prayed that if he was distracted, God would give him focus.

I prayed that if he was burdened, that God give him relief, or give him grace to endure it.

I prayed that if he was in the habit of ignoring people, that he would stop.

I prayed that he would not make that mistake again, and that if he did, that the next person he cut off would be kind.

People are going through a lot. They’re under stress personally and politically. They’re dealing with problems socially and professionally. They’re worried about things locally and globally. Sometimes they will step on your toes. Sometimes they snap when you accidentally step on theirs.

I pray that we would break our cycles of distraction and rage. I pray that, against every temptation to snap, we would take the radically defiant step of asserting our humanity with civility empathy, and kindness. I pray we would look out for each other and take every opportunity to not be in the way, but also to not get so bothered when someone else is.

May God help you to be present today.

May God lift your burdens and equip you to handle trouble.

May you be aware of the needs of the people around you, and receive grace when you are not.

Don’t forget the apple juice.

And make sure to look behind you.