Reflection: The Curated Self

Proverbs 12:7 NIV “Better to be a nobody and yet have a servant than pretend to be somebody and have no food.”

Is it better to have a great rep, or a great life?

Is it more important that I enjoy myself, or that you see me enjoying myself?

We live in the age of the curated self.

Psychologist Bruce Wilson describes the curated self as “the selection, organization, and presentation of online content about yourself.”[1]

Online platforms allow us to digitally create self-images from scratch. At its most innocuous, it is putting our best foot forward. We can present ourselves in our best light, on our best days, photographed at our most favorable angles. Literally, figuratively, and symbolically, we can capture our good side.

At its most harmful, it is wholesale fraud: a complete fiction we use to boost a street cred that isn’t real.

The question is where do we draw the lines? And are they hurting our helping us?

How much do I gain by flaunting my fake fortune, my gold-plated watch and cubic zirconia bling?

How much of my life is placing a stack of dollar bills between two hundreds, or dressing convincingly enough to persuade na?ve tourists to pay for my blank CD?

Many of us have been shocked by high-profile catfishing scandals, in which people created fake online profiles and tricked people into fake relationships that inevitably involved fleecing them for money.

In hindsight, however, I can think of times I was catfished face to face, lured into an imaginary relationship with a person who didn’t exist.

Maybe you have, too.

We all strive to make good first impressions. The person you meet on a first date, or job interview, or even when visiting a church may be a streamlined version of the person or organization you experience a year later. Sometimes it’s the difference between how people act around company vs family. And sometimes people are dishonest and predatory.

Technology just allows us to keep the fa?ade a little crisper for a little longer.

The good news, though, is everybody has a tell.

If people are practiced liars, they will fool some of the people some of the time. They will also, inevitably, start dropping clues about their true identity from day one.

The key is learning to spot them.

The proverb reminds us that the life is more important than the look. Our community is more important than our image. Our support network matters more than our appearance.

You can hire people you look cool standing near but you probably can’t call them at 2am in a crisis.

You can join clubs that allow you to name drop, but they may well drop you when you can’t pay your dues.

You can take a great picture of yesterday’s food, but you can’t eat it.

(Photo Credit: Ron Lach)

Wilson, B. (2023, February 9). The curated self. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/.../202302/the-curated-self