Reflection: Being fragile, finding your tribe and leadership.

This is a time of year that many of us reflect. My reflection this year has been my journey over the last two half years namely June 2021 to end of this year. I had experienced a few physical setbacks which left me questioning ?my ?leadership ability, being part of teams, being “strong,” and the meaning of fragile. What I learnt was recovery and rebuilding involves mental strength and being able to communicate your vulnerabilities to others and build a team around to support you through your change and development.

The backdrop of coming out of locked down has already made me feel different and disjointed from society. During lockdown I took my law practice to gunnercooke and had yet to really connect with people and the office. In addition, between 2020 and 2021, my body had undergone various transformations, from recovery of a very serious injury and an insect bite that involved me being hospitalised and referred to the Tropical Disease unit (all without a single holiday abroad in a year and half). It had left me with little ability to walk, few muscles were firing up. ?I didn’t just feel vulnerable, but fragile, ?which I told myself was weak. I had fallen into the trap of “having to be strong and constantly lead.” I knew I had to take to control of my health though nutrition, exercise, and mindset. It was the one cornerstone that had to remain “strong.” I slowly built a team around me of dietitians (TSD), physio (Maria) and personal trainers Conner and now Richmond. Together with my hard work around habits, mindset, and listening to the team, allowing them to guide me, allowing time for recovery, I gave myself permission not only to follow but also to lead with greater compassion for myself. I underwent a transformation unlike any other I have been through to date. To put it into context I went from no mobility, overweight to now training for my first powerlifting competition. The process also reminded me that pushing myself outside my comfort zone always helps me grow.

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So come November 2022 and, as a result of bidding for a charity photoshoot. The charity is Circle NGO, founded by singer-songwriter and activist Annie Lennox, is a unique organisation which brings global feminists together to fight for a fairer world for women and girls.? I joined The Circle in the UK circa 2018 with total belief in the cause and why not? Why wouldn’t I want to bring a fairer world to women and girls everywhere? Surely, it’s my duty, but in doing so, does that mean I have to always be the strong one with the voice? This time I was feeling my vulnerability in abundance.

I become front and centre of the lens… lights, camera, action!

The camera clicks away… I have been dressed in a man’s coat and later choose to wear a saree I wore for my sister’s wedding. In front of the camera is not a new experience. It is one I have enjoyed often, but this? This feels different. I don’t feel natural entering the walkway to the studio with the one and only photographer, Maki?Galimberti, who has photographed for Vanity Fair, Esquire, Rolling Stone, and the likes of the Dalai Lama. What could I possibly be nervous about? I am in Milan, and of course, it’s raining because the last hair style I am looking for is frizzy! Geez....

So you can imagine how I felt about the opportunity to be photographed with my new healthy and actual body movement; I grabbed (with fear and anxiety) the chance. I boarded the plan to Milan, feeling on top of the world thinking this is it – I want to show confidence and strength to women everywhere. You can do it despite setbacks, despite many telling me directly or otherwise “to give up,” “this is my lot,” “how much can I change.” I had built a team around me completely because I knew I had the grit and resilience to move mountains, but it is so much easier and quicker if there is a team doing it with me, and possibly finding a better route to the first final destination (we are always striving to be better). Out of this experience, I am also a believer that we all need cheerleaders! Of course, these are all minor problems I faced in comparison to women and girls globally who were facing a lack of working wage, poor work conditions, and lack of education. Through the judicial and community level response, they address issues of gender-based violence, human trafficking, early and forced marriages, corruption and discrimination in employment, inheritance, education and health services; but someone needs to cheer us on or be our advocates sometimes. My advocate in this case was the physio who called out the nerve injury, despite other medical opinions.

So, in the studio, I look around Maki’s collection of photos he has taken or collected over time. There is a sense of history, compassion, and a man whose eye captures the essence of someone’s being. I feel better but not relaxed. Maki had already chosen the man’s coat for me. I placed it on, and we were off shooting…. I relax and lighten up. After the shoot I am bold and ask for a favour - to be shot in the saree. He is kind and obliges…… and this is where I feel powerful. The saree is not an alien outfit to me but it’s not my natural skin despite being of Indian origin. The is a scaredness and spirituality within the saree and with my physical strength more on display, I feel alive and powerful. For the first time in November 2022 after a long time, I feel like me, and maybe that is my message… the saree didn’t make me feel strong, the change in my body didn’t either. It was the voices I surrounded myself with, the team who were my advocates shouting and cheering “you got this,” “your situation is going to change.” It’s a combination of belief, consistent change and moving the dial just that one percent. It is ok now that I feel fragile from time to time because I have the strength to be compassionate to myself and not just others; and to women and girls everywhere, I see you, and my advocacy for you will always continue.

My challenge this year was stand-up comedy – and yikes – that was just as scary as the photoshoot. Next year powerlifting competition. For 2024 I hope you find collaborators and cheerleaders, people you can call your tribe, who want to see you succeed it makes it so much easier and a lot fun.

Maki Galimberti The Circle NGO THE CIRCLE ITALIA ONLUS Martina De Falco Alex Neilan Connor McQuillen Richmond Merrett