Reflecting on the year gone by:2021

It was almost this same time last year when I had some hopes for the New Year 2021. recovering badly from Covid-19 lockdown imposed in March 2020 till almost one and half years, I don't know what made me hopeful for the new year that day. I mean to say - new year is a new calendar, that's it. New year isn't a magic wand that would take away all the problems. Not to rant more, ahhh…2021, you ended before you even started..haha (almost for everyone). Last year this time, I was with my friends hanging out in a cafe, clicked some pictures, ranted a little and talked out a lot. This year was a nut I couldn't crack.

As new year started to take a pace, I noticed my mental health going down the lane. I kept ignoring it for months and 6months later I was diagnosed with depression. It feels so overwhelming for a person like me to suffer from a mental illness, because I have always been a person who laughs and smiles all the time. I have even been scolded for laughing at inappropriate times. Mental health was a joke for me unless I went through or may be going through mental illness.

The worst year 2021 because of the following reasons: Stopped meditating. In 2020 I meditated daily 2–3 hours and benefitted immensely but I experiment with my mind insanely and wanted to see if the benefits are true. Stopped cycling completely. Used to cycle about 5 km daily in 2020 and become fitter. Obviously I put on some pounds. Stopped gardening. I love gardening and plants but lost interest. Shifted to a new location which has great locality and plantation and my interest reduced. Stopped painting. Painting used to heal and calm my mind but lost interest. Not a big deal. Slept a lot. Smiled very less. Talked very less. Ate junk whenever possible. Gained some weight. Dropped eyes. Agitated. Fell sick. Physically and mentally. Deprived spiritually.

Excessive and exhausting pattern of negative emotions and thoughts continued throughout 2021. Lost loved ones to Covid. Lost couple of friends by choice. Messed up life financially. The best year because. By the last quarter of the year restarted meditation. Focused on quality over quantity. It’s very tough to start and restart. Joined yoga classes, made a good bunch of friends. Enhanced time and focus on work. Immensely engaged with work. Got enough appreciation and respect. Loved it. Felt great. Dared to start my business. Took hell lot of courage but it’s soon gonna come true. Extreme level of going of comfort zone.

Read a lot more than 2020. Developed holistic and inclusive way of living. Healed all my scars. Accepted people as they are without camouflaging with love or hate. Became truly mature. Clarity like never before. Overcame almost all my latent and evident fears. Sounds easy but so far tougher than anything. Most importantly found my life purpose. At the end the pain was worth it. This year I decided to take of the veil. The veil of fake relationships. The veil of fake love. The veil of fake friendships. I always knew all that but this year I accepted it.

I accepted the pain, blocked and avoided people I had unnecessarily showered with love and care. Left them undisturbed. I commanded the respect I deserve and didn’t hesitate to show leadership I’m born with. To sum up Accepted, Broke, Healed, Sacrificed, Worked Harder and Loved harder. That’s me. Never felt more mature. I want people to understand if they ever see me doing good, it’s just selfless love and empathy for fellow humans and I never had ulterior motives. I’ve always been unrealistically good and left people in doubts and awe but I would still choose to be better than my own standards and not people’s perceptions.

2021 was a real rollercoaster ride of sorts . It's been a lot of sleepless nights, crying, feeling worthless to realising how strong I am, how much my friends and family ultimately love me and mean to me and that one exam doesn't define me. I found in me, a strong character, to give another attempt in competitive exam instead of going to a deemed university or a private college, even when both my parents wanted me to. I believe I didn't do my best this year, took guts to admit it! If I had done my best, I would have taken a deemed college for sure. Thank you to my brother ,for supporting me through it all, speaking harsh truths to make me realise my situation, which felt bad at the time but benefitted me insanely in the long run

Tasted failure for the first time in my life this year, I think it changed me for the better as a person and I'm happy that it did. I am not the same person I was and it's a step in the positive direction. Got a new puppy to play with this year, the best thing so far. The year started on a good note. We had few family get-togethers & family functions. Overall, it was a good start. But in the middle of the year, I witnessed the toughest phase of my life. My cousin took his life due to depression. I understood what can be the after-effects of someone’s suicide to their family. We were devastated. 6 months passed and I still can’t believe that he is no more with us.

And I think that’s when my health started deteriorating, both mentally and physically. I gave least importance to my body. Eventually, I fell severely ill prior to my exam, which made me skip my most imp. exam and it can be called as a major failure of my life. By the end of the year, things happened in such a way which I never imagined. Willingly or unwillingly, my life took a U-turn. I moved to a new place, been there for sometime and then moved back to home.

I have recently started exercising daily. I pray to God regularly. I had the least social media consumption this year. And I guess that’s a good thing. I have become much more grounded now. I understand and feel things more sensitively. I have learnt to be caring and a calmer person than ever before. Though the happiness and all the excitement that used to be before is all gone away now, but all thanks to my sweet family. They never fail to make efforts to see me happy. Also, on a good note, we are going on a family outing soon for giving a good start to the upcoming year. Cheers 2022!