Reflecting on Failure
With the grind of ‘New Year, New Me’ shifting gear over these coming weeks. Some of us will still be on the starting line pawing over what exactly went wrong in 2023.? Whether it's Spotify highlighting a woeful playlist (anyone else get a thank you message from The Wiggles?) or Strava confirming that yes 98% of it's users logged more hours of exercise than you it can all start to feel a little disappointing.? This is all without having to contend with scrolling the seas of social media having everyone else’s epic years splashed across your screen both professionally & personally.
So maybe the promotion fell flat on its face? Or that all important target wasn’t met? Perhaps another awesome idea got canned again and maybe life just threw one too many curveballs your way in 2023. ?
Whatever your “failure” looked like I’m here to tell you that it’s going to be okay, more people “failed” than you think and if you’ve entered this new year feeling stuck or unsure of how to move forward next then here are a few reflective questions to get you started again:
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1.???? On a scale of 1 – 10 how bad was it really?
Give yourself the time and space to build clarity around the situation you find yourself in.? Was it a catastrophic 10 or was it a mildly inconvenient 4? Reality can often be distorted when we are flitting from one thing to the next without taking time to reflect.
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2.???? If this had happened to a friend, what advice would you be offering them right now?
It’s important to step outside of our own situation from time to time and look in on it from the outside; especially with a more empathetic and rounded view. You wouldn’t be calling your friend a failure in this situation, would you?? Maybe consider your own advice for a moment and remember to practice self-compassion.
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3.???? What do you know now that you didn’t know before?
Learnings and insights can be taken from any situation, so what has this taught you? What did it teach you about yourself? About others? Perhaps you’ve gain more knowledge about how to deal with these types of situations.? ?My Spotify highlights absolutely taught me I give my daughter too much musical freedom in my car!
4.???? What will you do differently next time?
Look, things may not have worked out in 2023, but you survived.? You are here right now and whilst you might not go through the exact same experience again it is highly probable that you will face something similar in the future.? How will you use your fresh learnings to help you tackle similar situations in the future differently? Keep that in your back pocket for next time.
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5.???? What’s one step can you take today that will help you to move forward?
So, having had a few minutes of reflection on your “failures” What’s one tiny thing that you can do to start moving forward again?? Maybe it’s writing down these reflections? Perhaps it’s scheduling some time to focus on what next?? Maybe its finding someone you trust to talk this through with?? Whatever it is I wish you all the best for 2024 and remember that your failures of yesterday have helped pave the path to your success tomorrow.
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“Our greatest glory is not in never failing but in rising every time we fail” - Confucius
Jersey Advocate | Litigation Partner | Contentious Trusts Specialist
1 年Really interesting post. I particularly like the “what would you say to a friend” element: we (I?) tend to be more critical of ourselves than others. Having responsibilities for small people is a huge adjustment - usually just at a time when you’re finding your groove at work - but if you can take a step back, please realise that in shouldering those responsibilities you are honing excellent transferable skills.
IT Strategic Consultant & Board Advisor | virtual CIO/CTO | Chair IoD Jersey Digital Subcommittee
1 年Lesley it sounds like you achieved a lot last year. Yesterday I was reminded that if we don’t try new things and take risks we are not living. And if we don’t try new things and fail we are not learning. Your points really struck me that we must take the opportunity to learn from those failures and in that way we grow. Thank you.
Director - Oben Regulatory | Chair of the Institute of Directors, Jersey Branch
1 年Great post. I think it sums up what many of us working mums feel. I may be shot down for saying this but men seem better equipped to compartmentalise work and parenting, and inevitably women do shoulder more of the child admin (emotionally and physically). This leads to a constant mind battle - well in my head anyway! I don’t see any of 2023 as failing for me. Yes, there were lots of hurdles I had to jump (some more successfully than others) but each and every one of those challenges equips us to deal better with them next time. You also sound like an amazing mum- I especially like the spotify bit! I’m not sure whether my 16 yr old girl is happy or frustrated we share the same taste in music but it does mean I’m still allowed to take her to concerts!
Principal of Oben Law
1 年Self-effacing, but very hard on yourself, Lesley. What a balancing act you are performing, and so well! Tough but hopefully lovely and rewarding on many levels. You have so many strengths, and they shine through. Have a great 2024.
Head of Employment
1 年I echo what Kate said! Being a mother will always be a balancing act and will always involve compromises, but that just means you have to learn to define what success means to you. That’s the hardest lesson to learn and accept but once you are able to adjust those definitions, the word “failure” becomes obsolete!