Reflecting on 3 years to-day during Covid 19 By Contributing Author Edward Joshua

3 years to-day I attempted to take my life, which was not mine to take. I call it brave, because it's the hardest decision one can make.

Why did I want to do it, I ask? I don't know, maybe I was hiding behind a mask.

I remember being alone and feeling insecure. Just could not face the world anymore.

I was thinking, who will miss me, I was already gone and far away? Children are independent living their dreams, I had nothing left to convey.

To my wife, my thoughts would go, her sad face I could see.

She'll be okay, I thought, maybe find someone else, someone better than me.

Why now, I ask, since for the last 2 years I never gave this kind of thought? I'm thankful for so much, family and friends love and support, and God's intervention that was sought.

Ah, I remember, it's 2020, the year of Covid 19. We have time to think, while in quarantine.

To my family, I must say, I'm sorry for what you went through that day. I love you, and thank you from the bottom of my heart, I'm grateful

that I was able to push restart.

To-day, I'm fine and moving on, with so much to live for. I failed that day with no regrets, able to give life and my family so much more.

Thank you, Edward Joshua for being a Contributing Author for the Relationships Matter Monday posts for Men. We greatly appreciate you sharing your own #crisistocourage4men story/dramatic poem regarding the feelings you experienced during a dark time in your life, in which you contemplated suicide, and the remnants trying to resurface due to COVID. It takes great heart and strength to be this transparent.  

Pixabay Contributor

Thank you for reading.

Your thoughts are very appreciated.

Researcher's Bio

Karen Bontrager helps 16-24-year-old men, and more mature fellas stuck there due to complex trauma, make permanent shifts in their behavior from merely surviving in life to thriving through transparent coaching/counseling in one-on-one conversations and in group work, and through topic sensitive trauma-informed workshops in a program called, “From Crisis to Courage.” With this ontological approach, I partner with my clients to discover their essence, (aka highest and best self) by powerfully reflecting and listening to them. My clients quickly learn how to generate self-awareness and to voice their own relationship needs in a clear, constructive way by learning key coaching techniques/evidenced based counseling approaches/tools to work past their traumatic events and addictions to move forward. The clients are then equipped to develop healthy relationships with key relationships: parents/siblings/friends, and with intimate dating partners because they have learned how to proactively use their voice.

She does a weekly Relationships Matter Monday LI article for 16-24-year-old men and fellas stuck there due to trauma, is a frequent contributor here, and has a bi-monthly podcast called Crisis to Courage to give gentlemen an honorable platform for learning how to use their voices in a way which gets respected, instead of turning to the old standbys: anger, isolation, and numbing behavior, so they can be the men they were made, formed, and created to be.

Crisis to Courage Podcast for Men Links below:

https://www.buzzsprout.com/1130105/listings

https://open.spotify.com/show/0hBtQMFu6eOoHAJBZVRgiQ

https://podcasts.google.com/?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkcy5idXp6c3Byb3V0LmNvbS8xMTMwMTA1LnJzcw==

https://podcastaddict.com/podcast/3017583

https://www.podchaser.com/podcasts/crisis-to-courage-podcast-a-pl-1258925

https://www.deezer.com/us/show/1372142

https://www.listennotes.com/podcasts/crisis-to-courage-podcast-a-platform-for-udrRN3OmV9o/

Are you a man, 16-24, 25+, which feels stuck mentally, and is not able to move forward due to a traumatic past, which shows up as anger, isolation, or various numbing behaviors, and needs support? Or, do you feel something gets in the way emotionally from you loving self, others, or having the life of your dreams, but are not sure what? Please DM me on Linked In for an opportunity to talk.