Reducing loneliness in the workplace

It’s Loneliness Awareness Week.?

Loneliness is a tricky thing. It is elusive to some yet deeply felt by others. It is assumed to be one thing but is in fact quite the opposite.

A person can be surrounded by many people. Family and friends, colleagues, sporting teammates… sometimes the list is endless. However, that person can still feel alone.

As a nation (and a world) we are learning that loneliness isn’t the stereotypical picture of an older person alone in their room. There is now solid evidence that tells us that:

• Feeling lonely is different to being alone. You can be surrounded by people and still feel lonely. You can be alone and not feel lonely.
• Anyone can feel lonely. Approximately 1 in 3 Australians feel lonely. Loneliness affects people of all ages and from all walks of life.
• Wanting connection is part of being human. We're social beings who thrive when we feel heard, seen and understood.
• Meaningful connections take time. Strong relationships are made through repeated interactions and effort over time.
• Loneliness that lasts can be harmful to our wellbeing. Persistent loneliness increases our risk of heart conditions, mental illness and dementia.
• It's OK to feel lonely. It doesn't mean there is something wrong with you. It's our cue to connect.

Forging connections, maintaining them, and thinking about what is most valuable to the other person can all help contribute to ending loneliness. It is about making moments meaningful, to build on existing relationships and keep the regular contact going.

During the pandemic we strived to ‘stay connected’ and that remains as important as ever.

But how do we put the notion of loneliness - our beliefs, our thoughts, our questions - into a workplace context? It feels a little uneasy to consider how we can help a colleague who is feeling lonely. Surely that’s invasion of privacy? Surely that’s not my job? How can I even start by asking if a colleague is feeling lonely?

All of these are valid thoughts. We are living in a new generation where our minds haven’t explored this, and it’s OK to feel unsure and perhaps unsettled about the topic.

But if you’re asking R U OK? at work, you’re already on your way to contributing.

Here’s the thing. Consider that the workplace could in fact be the easiest place to make a difference. Workplaces are where we ‘go’ to on a frequent basis, whether in person or remotely. We have already forged the connection. We already know the routine and behaviours that align with our job. We are already a ‘tribe’ or a ‘community’ simply by being in a workplace.

Building an authentic culture of getting to know the person behind the job is vital. There can’t be any kind of R U OK? conversation without trust. Asking someone how they are really doing can’t happen without an established positive relationship. An insincere conversation could be awkward for the person at the receiving end and even causes harm. However, when we know each other well, we can respectfully be open to what we’re hearing.

If you’re asking R U OK? in the workplace, you’re contributing to a culture of helping people feel connected and a sense of belonging.

It might feel as awkward in the beginning as other life challenges, e.g. grief and loss, illness, relationship breakdown, etc. But by breaking the ice, allowing someone to honestly respond to the question and say, ‘No, I’m not OK’, can make a difference.

My top tip is never to judge someone if they tell you they feel lonely. Don’t jump in and say “But you’ve got all of us! What are you talking about?”. We can be surrounded by people but still feel alone with our thoughts and challenges.

Listen earnestly and with an open mind, enquire how long they have been feeling that way and ask them if there has been a time when they haven’t felt lonely. Who was the person/people they connected with during that time? If that person is no longer around, is there someone else they feel comfortable with and trust? They may not have considered who else is in their world and hearing this thought out loud may prompt them.

Do not tell them to join a club or find a hobby. That may come in time but firstly, you are garnering an understanding of what is happening in their world, who they already have. Does the workplace offer a positive connection for them? Do they feel better at work? If so, what type of moments help them thrive? Is there a way you can increase or enhance those moments? A coffee chat, an agenda topic that sparks interest and discussion, a passion project they may be able to weave into their role?

It’s an adage that it can be lonely at the top. But of course, it can be lonely for anyone, at any level. Consider asking your peers how they’re doing. Do they need a sounding board? Do they have anything that’s keeping them awake at night that you might have experienced and can share insights? It can really help to unravel threads of thought by talking it over with someone in a similar role to you. That connection in itself can be an effort towards helping someone feel less lonely?

I can recall many times when I have asked people “Who is your person? Who is your lifeline? Do you have people in your life? Friends, family, colleagues….?”. And so many times, I have heard, “Yes. But I can’t talk to them. I’m worried what they will think of me. I don’t want to burden them. I’m ashamed. I’m alone on this.”

We must endeavour to let people know they are not alone. That we hear them, that they are not a burden, and we want to help them find a pathway through their challenges. We might not be able to solve it, but we can help them feel less alone by walking alongside them for however long the road is.

There is strength in numbers.

I encourage you to educate yourself this week and do some myth busting on loneliness here: https://bit.ly/4dBc8Rp. It’s an eye opener for sure.

My friends at Ending Loneliness Together have a bunch of free resources you might find helpful this week and beyond https://lonelinessawarenessweek.com.au/

#LonelinessAwarenessWeekAU #EndingLonelinessTogether #Loneliness