When the Caregiver Gets Sick

This week I tested positive for Covid and even though I have received all the vaccines and boosters, it knocked me off my feet in a way I can’t recall I have ever experienced.

I continue to be the primary caregiver for my mother and have been for almost 15 years now. The timing couldn’t have been worse as mom is having a recurrence of some back issues that required me to do physical therapy exercises with her daily. She also just moved from a place she really loved because she no longer could navigate the steps. Transitions are hard for her and typically require me being even more present and attentive. I have learned that just being around tending to the little things, listening longer, helping make her new space feel familiar makes her less likely to be tearful or anxious.

Since the beginning of the pandemic, I had thought about what would have to happen if I got Covid and I talked to my husband about the possibility. Of course, he said he would step in if I couldn’t, but the reality is, since I have Covid, he has also been exposed and can’t be around mom either. I am so fortunate that one of my friends is generous enough to help out while I can’t be in physical proximity. Here is what this week has taught me about planning even better for the future.

Loosen the reigns now. As caregivers we get in a routine and it seems like even more work to ask for help or rely on someone else but in an unexpected event where the routine get thrown off, someone will need to step in. It is far better to have some extra hands now so there are helpers who already have a relationship and familiarity with your loved one. Ask someone you can count on to join you both for lunch one day and even where you keep things like medications just in case, they may need to step in. I know the pandemic is unique in that it creates a circumstance where close family may not be able to help but it’s not a bad idea to expand the circle just in case you need to rely on someone who isn’t family.

Follow the “Two Weeks’ Worth” philosophy.?Make sure prescriptions are filled and that there is enough food and household supplies for at least two weeks. Make a list of the common items you purchase for your loved one so if someone else needs to do the shopping, they can. You can keep this list in the alska Connected Caregiving portal or if you prefer, on a piece of paper or shareable note on your phone. If your anything like me, you know exactly what your loved one’s favorites are as well as any food allergies (also can be put in alska) but having this information ready to share will make your life easier.

Find ways to stay connected. I call mom every day and once I was feeling a bit better, we had a visit with me sitting outside on her patio while she was inside, with the patio door open. It was amazing how much better it made mom feel, just to see me and know I was okay.?I got her a digital photo frame from Brookstone so I and my daughters can send her photos and that helps her still feel connected and less isolated. I also have asked some of her friends who don’t live close, to call her for a chat to help provide support and positivity during this transition to a new environment. I also let my daughters know that it will help me a great deal if they connect with her a bit more often during this time when I can’t be as present.

I have also been reminded that I need to take more time for myself even when I am well. I am certain being depleted from all the work involved in mom’s move didn’t leave me in the best position to fight off a virus. I was quite honestly, exhausted emotionally and physically. As with most challenges in life, there are blessings if we look for them. Certainly, I am frustrated my plans to organize mom’s new place, make a celebratory dinner and get some new furniture pieces she needs must be postponed. On the other hand, I am forced to take a much-needed rest and reflect on what this challenge has taught me.