Rediscovering Anger Part-2

If you have not read the first part of the anger series, then I strongly suggest you?go through it here- Anger- Part 1

When we analyze human evolution, we know we have spent close to 6 million years (from when we started walking on hind legs) in fight, flight or freeze mode. Anger was the only emotion which pushed us into action in that untamed and lawless jungle. You were either a prey or a predator and the only differentiating factor was how effectively you channelled your anger.? And we lived and evolved in this state of continuous anger for millions of years. Then around 10 thousand years ago we had the thought of settling down and becoming more civilized. With that came rules and statutes, which laid down boundaries with respect to behaviours and actions. As people started respecting these boundaries (please go through this article to know more about boundaries)- Setting Boundaries , the sense of safety and stability increased. This led to reduction in dependency on anger and aggression as the primary emotion for survival, on a day-to-day basis. So, to categorize anger as a bad emotion today, without the evolutionary context, will be myopic, same as blaming fire as only a means of destruction.?

So then why is anger detested so much? To understand that we will have to first understand how anger originates and manifests itself. Anger consists of three main stages - Thought Stage, Body Stage and Action Stage.?

Thought Stage?- This is the cognitive stage responsible for recognizing a trigger, such as perceived injustices, frustrations, violations or threats. In this phase, individuals may interpret a situation as inequitable, unacceptable, or as a hindrance.?

Body Stage?- The cognitive aspect of anger leads to physiological responses, resulting in the release of stress hormones such as adrenaline, dopamine and norepinephrine. Consequently, there is an elevation in heart rate, increased blood pressure and muscle tension. These responses prepare the individual to respond to the perceived threat or violation.

Action Stage?- This is the behavioral stage which manifests the fight or flight response into a physical action.?It may encompass verbal manifestations like raised voices or arguments, as well as physical actions such as breaking something or resorting to physical aggression.

Even though anger has the above three stages, the core of anger is only the body stage with all its physiological reactions. And this part is good because it interprets the trigger and makes us aware that there is a certain situation which is not favourable to us. The next stage i.e., the action stage is not really anger, but aggression. We often get confused between anger and aggression and paint both of them with a broad brush. Anger is good but aggression is bad. We can be angry but need not be aggressive for e.g., your parents rebuke you in public and you are seething with anger, but you don't display aggression. Similarly, you may not be angry, but you can still be aggressive for e.g., when you go hunting, you are not angry at the prey, but you are aggressive. We have been using the terms - anger and aggression interchangeably so much that the negativity from one has soiled the other, Therefore, aggression is what is unacceptable, especially in today's civilized society with rules and boundaries, but anger is just a physiological reaction to a trigger.

This then brings us to the question - is it humanly possible to get angry but not be aggressive? Yes, it's possible and that is because it's all in our brain - the trigger, the bodily response and the reaction. Let me explain this with a couple of examples, as to how for the same type of trigger, we process anger at different levels of intensity and come forth with different kinds of reactions. I will share some real-life examples and want you to relate to these situations as much as possible and also assess the level of anger you are feeling for each.?

Let's imagine a road rage situation. You are in a busy intersection, waiting for the lights to turn green, anticipating that you will be late for an important meeting, and suddenly you feel and hear something crashing into your car from behind. You get out and rush to the back of the car to assess the damage and then look at the perpetrator. It's the same driver with whom you had a honking duel at the last signal, after a risky maneuver?to get ahead.? This being the case, can you now rate the level of your anger on a scale of 1 (lowest) to 10 (highest). Probably you are at a 7? Now imagine that instead of the unknown driver, it's your skip level manager who is in the driver's seat. Let's retry rating the level of your anger now. Maybe a 5 now? Last one, now imagine that it's a young kid who hit your car with her bicycle. Now are you at a 2. In the near future, we can even hypothesize that the car that crashed into yours is a self-driving driverless car. Then where will you be on the scale? We will not get into the details of why your anger is at different scales (decreasing threat, loss perception) for each of these scenarios rather appreciate the fact that our mind is perfectly able to assess each situation differently and also design different 'Body Stage' or anger responses. Did you also notice that maybe you felt less anger when there was no one around to blame the trigger on, like the driverless car.?

Now some of you might say that we usually get more aggressive to strangers as compared to acquaintances or kids/children. Therefore, let's look at another scenario. You are reviewing CCTV recordings from a random shop. In the first clip you see a stranger filching a small packet of chips from the counter. What will be your anger rating? Probably a zero. In the next clip you see your husband or father doing the same act of stealing. Maybe now you are angrier at a 4 rating. In the last clip you see your adolescent son picking up the chips without paying. Maybe now you have reached a 7 on the anger scale? Now changing course but still staying with your son, if you next see your son filching a pack of cigarettes, will you be angrier than 7? Lastly imagine seeing him pick a gun from the cashier's counter without anybody noticing. Are you now seething with anger? Again, there are gender-based differences in reactions as well, say as a woman you might not have the same reaction to the road rage incident as above and same if you are a man in the shoplifting case. If we dig deeper, we can explain why in certain scenarios you are less angry and in others you lose it. But that's not the point here. With these examples I wanted to make it clear that as humans we are capable of modifying our reactions to a spectrum of triggers and therefore blaming anger for every adverse action is inappropriate.

We have come a long way in evolution to become the smartest thing walking on two legs on this planet. It was an arduous and perilous journey, nevertheless we have done a good job at surviving as a species. But the future is also filled with challenges. Because when we started using anger as a survival tool it was to protect the body or the self and therefore this armour was close to our body. Then as we became civilized, we extended this armour outwards and set boundaries using rules, regulations and the penal system. We started getting angry if anyone violated our boundaries or laws, even though it might not lead to any bodily harm. Today this armour has been pushed outwards and extended into the virtual world, such that a comment or post on social media gets our goat and we feel violated. This has made us more vulnerable, where we can be triggered from a million miles away and also when it might not have any threat to our existence or even our boundaries. This is a harmful trend, but not something which cannot be overcome by applying some practical anger management tactics. That will be my next part in this series.?

Before you go let me narrate an interesting story. A couple was happily married and one day the lady brought a box and instructed the husband to not open this box until she instructs so. The box was kept out of sight and life went on until they grew old, and the lady was on her deathbed. She asked the husband to fetch the box and asked him to open it. Inside there were two small but beautiful dolls, some knitting tools and bundles upon bundles of money. She said every time she got angry with him, she started knitting and it made her calm down, and this is how their marriage survived for so long. The husband felt happy that he did a good job in being a perfect husband as there were only two dolls in her box. Then he asked her what is all the money for. She said it's the money she made from selling the dolls.?

Now if we all learn knitting there is a lot of money to be made because we all get angry or get angry treatment. Maybe that is unrealistic, so let us rather consider that by managing our anger creatively we might not earn too much, but it is definitely going to save us a lot, things that are more valuable than money. Stay tuned to become creative with anger!